When Did Car Ownership Become A Subscription?

We go from joking around to the real problem of owning a nice car: keeping it clean when you’ve got kids, dogs, road trips, and zero time. We debate detailing costs versus car wash subscriptions and why “nice” quickly turns into another monthly bill. 
• Buying a nicer car and feeling the pressure to maintain it 
• Kids, sticky snacks, dogs, and the reality of a clean interior 
• Bug guts, road grime, and why quick rinses do not cut it 
• What a professional detailing package includes and why prices jump 
• Why people complain their way into upgrades at detail shops 
• Unlimited car wash memberships and the break-even math 
• Time versus money and building a maintenance routine that sticks 
• Dealership washes, machine washes, and what actually works for real life 
Check out our podcast every Tuesday. It comes out, it’s available on Spotify, Apple Music. Everywhere you’re going to be able to do it. Everywhere you listen to podcasts. 

Transcript

Banter And Music Setup

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Top shelf stories with Jay, Chris, and Tony. That too? I don't know how to operate without the music. Okay, the music's on.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

It's down right away.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

We can mess around on top of the music. All right.

Buying A Nice Car Changes Things

SPEAKER_01 0:11

I gotta ask you, Tony. So I got this nice car now.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

Did you get it from cash cars?

SPEAKER_01 0:16

I didn't get it from cash cars. I paid you overpaid. There were so many bankers involved in my deal.

SPEAKER_02 0:23

You know, cash cars where their motto is if the if the motor ain't ticking and the tranny ain't slipping, don't bring that bitch back tripping.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Yep. It's a pretty good motto. That's and that's that's pretty impressive.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

You've watched that too many times.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

So you said no refunds. If you got a problem, once I took your money, I already spent it. And if you got a problem, we'll put you in a different car. So I got this nice car now. It's a huh, it's a freaking responsibility, dude. I took the family on oh, dude, you know, you've seen my car.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Actually, I never see you leave.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Man, I'm gonna keep it a secret.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Okay, you got family.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Got the family in the freaking thing, dogs in it, dude. Dogs in it. If you like a clean car, that's not the way to go. Dogs? Yeah, I was kids

Sticky Snacks, Kids, And Dog Water

SPEAKER_02 1:18

and dogs.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Dude, I used to have a rule that nothing sticky is allowed, and my nephew was picking out snacks on the way home, and he's like, he was talking to his dad before I got in there, my brother, before I got in there, apparently, about these snacks. He had those straws, those uh Twizzler straw things. Oh, the Twizzler ones with the stuffing in it, like the cream filling. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come flat. Yep, yep, like 12 of them or something for like $43. But he's like, $43. As soon as I get in the gas station, he goes, Uncle Chris, are these sticky? Because it was such a hard rule. And I said, Emmett, thanks for thinking about me. I appreciate that. The dogs have been in the car, it doesn't matter anymore. He was calling it dog water. The dogs were drooling from the back onto him. He called it, it was bad. But so,

Bug Guts And The Cleaning Problem

SPEAKER_01 2:06

what do you do? So now I have these cars, I want to use it, but it's nice, and I got bug guts on it, bug guts all over the thing from the 3,000 mile trip I took just recently. Uh, that's a power washer. Um but I noticed your car in the lot, Tony. Your your is all clean. Oh, it's pristine. How do you do that? Always. Well, first and foremost, you have to own a company, you have to disregard most electric bills and your mortgage in order to afford.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Tony saves up his jizz in a jar and he uses that as wax.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

And he commits it to Tony's total donations.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Tony's total donations to get the money to pay for my monthly subscription car wash.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Yeah, that's it. That's it. Yeah, that's it. Do they go on the inside? No, you gotta do that yourself. You gotta do that yourself.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Yep. He's talking about the inside, Tony. Why don't you listen to bad too?

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Because no one sees the inside, but I have this nice car. I have

Detailing Prices And Service Levels

SPEAKER_01 3:04

to keep it nice for the other people.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Does it cost to get a car detailed?

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Yeah, that was a question.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

About $375.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Fuck that shit.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

I got a vacuum at a very clean excess. At a very middle of the road establishment. There's a place there's a place out by me that I looked at because I got that old classic car. And you know, I I don't just want it shiny. I want that thing fucking pristine.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Does it matter how dirty okay? So you said from 375. So does it matter how dirty the car is from the inside? Like, like it can be a little bit more than a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

No, like they don't charge you more, but they have different different levels. Of course. So they say like 375, that's gonna get your uh carpet shampooed, that's gonna get some armor all on your dash, that's gonna get a wash, and it's gonna get a what about all this shit in your car?

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Like the garbage, you're gonna put the garbage in a bag.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

That's gonna get a hand wax, you know. But for 575, we're gonna also shampoo your seats. We're gonna detail your dashboard, not just wipe it down. We're gonna we're gonna uh you know, like scrub your mats back to factory new, like it just I feel like there's unhappy customers all the time in that situation. Yeah. Oh a lot of them like dude, look at this shit. A lot of them a lot of them pay for the the least expensive service they can and bitch their way up to get the expect, you know, the diamond elite.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Complain their way up to get to 500.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

Yes, but so you do a subscription, yeah.

Unlimited Wash Membership Math

SPEAKER_02 4:44

So wonderful place called Jilly's car wash. They actually sponsored the last couple episodes. Um, you know, I was going in there, it's like 26 bucks for a car wash for like the decent car wash. Fuck that.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

That's crazy, man.

SPEAKER_02 4:58

That's fucking insane. And uh what are you gonna do? It's $35 a month for unlimited, and they set this stuff up that way. Like if you want to go to a real car wash, I'm not talking like this bullshit laser wash car with baby wipes, I'm not talking about $26. The shitty ass $14 car wash you get at the gas station where you know you still got bugs on your window. This is like a real fucking car wash. Yeah. And uh it's it's like a wash and a half is is their fee for the month. So you just gotta go there twice to pay it off.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

Twice and you're ahead. But the cost of it, you probably well, how many times do you have to go before you're like I took advantage of that this time? I I mean I get my car washed a minimum of twice a week.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Oh, I think that's fucking insane. I think it's not insane. But you're paying for you're paying for the monthly.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

You're paying for the monthly thing, so yes, it makes sense. But you gotta pay for every single one though that's contained so 60 bucks.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

I picked this specific car wash and and I want to call them a chain, but it's just a local dude. Is it the purple? Oh no, it's not the purple uh it's just a local dude who who's opened up a couple car washes. But he has like six or seven locations now. From here where I work to my house, I pass two of them.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

I don't pass any of them.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

If I go out of my way uh about a mile one way, uh I get to a third one, and then if I go west from there another two miles, I get to the fourth one. And then they put two in uh This is less interesting. No, they put they put two in the North Shore where I where I work all the time. So I go all the fucking time. So yeah, they're just in the middle of everywhere I am.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Because I'm like, I bought a bunch, I got this new car, I'm like, oh, I'll clean it all the time. That'd be great. Cause I love this car. I'm spending so much money on this car. I'd love to take care of it also, but no, I don't want to spend any time on it. I just want to drive it and do stuff in it. I don't care what it looks like and how it operates, but I should keep it clean because it's nice.

Time Vs Money For Car Care

SPEAKER_02 7:20

Yeah, man. Once you stop taking care of something, then it becomes not nice. So I have to have a non-respected item that you own.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

So I think I have to add to the expense that is already enormous when you buy a nice thing. You have to pay for the nice thing, then you have to insure the nice thing. That's important. Then you have to maintain the nice thing, and now apparently you have to pay someone or something to clean the nice thing. Yeah, man. Because my thing looks dirty out there, it's all nasty. It's fucking plug guts, bug guts on it still.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Time is more important than money, so yeah. I wouldn't take the time to do it, but again, I've only had ever had a car that I use for work, so I never cared how it looked. I never did either. I always had you don't use your car for work. You just travel.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

No, I just had decent little cars that I didn't really care much about, or in the case of the van when I first bought it. So it's the first car you ever cared about? I gave it to the wife, and she was the one driving it.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

This is the first vehicle you ever cared about?

SPEAKER_01 8:25

No, I cared a lot about all my vehicles. All of them.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

To an extent.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

This is the one you you I have had a lot of vehicles. This is not a shorter anymore.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

No gumballs chewing in this one?

SPEAKER_01 8:37

This one, no sticky things. Because I didn't want it to get dirty. But now I don't really care anymore. Even I do care. Like I'm gonna keep it clean. I have re-cleaned it, just the outside's dirty because I haven't got a chance to wash it yet. But man, I don't want to see why is it there's gotta be a better way.

Machines, Bad Washes, And Steel Wool Jokes

SPEAKER_01 8:56

How come local kids don't want to wash cars?

SPEAKER_02 8:58

Where's the bikini car wash? Well, first off, kids do a shitty job at everything.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

Well, that's part of the problem too.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

They're our future, but it's fucked. Even the kids that work at the fucking professional car wash do a shitty job half the time. Like you ain't gonna rely on some fucking 10-year-old kid to get your to get your car any cleaner than when you drop it off.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

No.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

Not it's probably gonna be worse.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

Yes, but I'll trust some machine that's gonna spray water jets and run this combination of rags over my car.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

The I only go in the rag ones. I don't I don't I don't like the spray ones. They never get to I wanted someone to scrub the shit out of it. I want so if they had like steel ones, I just had them steal the shit out of my car. Get all the rust off and just the fucking rotators are just steel wool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

Make sure to shut off your engine, sparks will fly.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

Sand the shoe out of it back to steel color.

Dealership Washes And Where To Subscribe

SPEAKER_01 10:03

I I when I bought the thing, the dealership's like, you bring it here whenever you want for a car wash. And I've done it. I've probably taken them up on it more than most people do. Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

Car wash at the dealership. Literally, just to get snow off it.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Snow off it. To identify where the bird poops are on it as they're sort of washed off and dripping away, the guy can wipe them off. Yeah, you're right. All right, I'm getting a subscription to Jillies. Thanks for sponsoring our short. It didn't go very short, it went kind of long. We named all of your locations.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

Keep your car clean. Contact Jillies, man. Aquan, Whitefish Bay, two in Waukeshaw, three in Brookfield, one in Pewaki. Bring these to the city, man. Free vacuums, free air sprayer, uh, free towels, free win windex. You can't how can you go wrong? You can't. For the price of just 28 Starbucks coffees a week. Sounds amazing.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Dude, you have your own subscription. Starbucks is a $12 stop for a candy pop and a cocktail or kitty cocktail or whatever that is.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Not a coffinated caffeinated one.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

All right.

Where To Listen And Sign Off

SPEAKER_01 11:26

Check out our podcast every Tuesday. It comes out, it's available on Spotify, Apple Music.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

Everywhere you're going to be able to do it.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

Everywhere you listen to podcasts. I don't know where you're listening to podcasts. YouTube channel and it is coming. It's already there. It's there. Peace.