Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
How Much Peace Is A Cheeseburger Worth
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We start with a no-music cold open and immediately feel how weird it is to find our footing without the usual intro. Then we spiral into a drive-thru ordering disaster and land on a real question about when it’s worth correcting mistakes versus protecting our own inner peace.
• debating whether to start with music or jump straight in
• a chaotic fast-food drive-thru order that keeps going wrong
• confusion over whether the worker can’t hear or the speaker is broken
• the strange pressure to “just get through it” instead of correcting the order
• realizing that fixing every mistake can wreck our own peace
If you guys listen to our podcast every Tuesday, Tony has something to talk about his new diet that he lost 50 pounds.
Cold Open Without The Music
Do we play the music? No, you just go right into the case. Okay, this is crazy. I don't know how to do. I don't know how to what to do with my voice without the music. I don't know what to do with my voice without the music. What do we do without the music? You just said you had to some music, man. No, there's no music. Oh man, are you gonna edit the music in later? No. It's just gonna hit people in the case. It's gonna hit you. It's gonna hit you in the face. It's gonna hit you in the face. I can turn the slow music on if you want. No, don't put it on. Now it's too late. We've already started talking. I'm telling you, I wouldn't listen to this. I'm not thinking. That's why this is not going. People are probably hitting next on and saying they hit it on accident. Like, oh, I meant to hit the volume button. They're like, oh, we entered this episode in the middle of it, obviously, because there's no music. Can I listen to the first part of this? I'm not gonna put this on. This is no, this is it. This is what you want.
The Drive-Thru Order Goes Sideways
I'm going to my wallet. Oh, so I went to Big Deal Burgers. I shouldn't have named it. Damn it. Just do it. Who cares? Yeah, we'll have to edit that out of this one when you add the music in. Dude, they put the deaf kid on drive-thru. He couldn't hear me. No way. He couldn't hear me. No, they didn't. Dude, I've had troubles at the drive-thru before. Like I my kids tell me what she wants while I'm trying to remember what my wife wants. And then my brain's trying to figure out how to order it the most economical way. Yeah. Sorry, what did you say? As I was ordering. I ordered a four-piece chicken tenders. I got a six-piece in my order. I ordered a fries with cheese on the side. Wait, I need a little bit of a. And then I said, I also would like a side of cheese fries. And he said, What? I said, cheese fries. And he said, huh? I said, I'd like an order of cheese fries. And he goes, okay, fine. Anything else? I said a California burger. And he goes, a what? Said the California burger. By now I'm yelling. I'm yelling in the fucking thing. And he's like, oh, okay, yeah. Do you want to make it a meal? I'm like, yeah, I guess if you can do that with the fries, that'll work. What? Said, yeah, that's fine. And then what was the next thing I ordered? Even my kid was like, Dad, how come you didn't correct him? He just said, okay. I'm like, because I want to get through this. Oh my gosh. At the end, I'm like, kid, did I do that? Okay, I just want to know what I ended up getting three crystal orders of fries. Root beer came in a can. I don't know fucking why, or in the bottle. He's like, it comes in a bottle. Do you want that? I'm like, no, I want something else. He goes, What? I said, Yeah, that's fine. And it was $40.
Deaf Worker Or Broken Speaker
I want to know really quick though. You go here all the time, right? I've frequented it before. So then there is one person you know that you've gone up to the after you ordered your shit and heard this what, what, huh, what, what, what, what? And you've gone there like, this is that fucking retard that deaf. He can't be deaf. He couldn't hear. But he I he's got a hearing problem, yeah, but he can't be deaf, deaf. No, I don't think he could hear it at all. Did we ever did did you ever come to the conclusion that maybe that the speaker that they use is fucked up? It had to be. Because in a while, every once in a while when you're you're in a restaurant where where when you speak into the speaker out there, it plays over the loudspeaker in the restaurant. Yeah. So it fucks everything else up. And you hear it, it's like that's what he was dealing with. He couldn't hear. He was deaf. Okay, but what I don't get any other perception. I get to presume he was deaf because I never got to see him. Have you ever gone through the drive-thru and not had the what? Huh? What'd you say? Hundreds of times. Really? And this is only that one guy? Then no, that's not a fucking problem. There's something else.
Parking Lot Mayhem And Second-Guessing
It was either a new problem they had, like the big hole they had in their parking lot. I almost fell into next to the sewer train. Don't ever go to a home chip. What's it called? It was such a big divot in the thing. I went in my fancy car I got now and I put the screen on of the camera while I was driving over this hole again just to show my kid how big the fucking hole is that we almost fell in. Yeah, the this this experience at this restaurant makes me less likely to visit him again. I'm not saying it again. You can read to the beginning. I shouldn't have said it in the first place. I don't know why it's such a big deal. Yeah. Because I want to go there and I'm gonna go. Their stuff's great. Everything about them's great. And normally every time it's great. I had never this was just this weird. There was a kid on a skateboard in the parking lot going through the drive thin. There was a guy in the guy going in the drive-thru the wrong way when I first pulled in. That's how I had to back into this hole I didn't see until I nearly backed into it. But I'm gonna when I go there, I'm gonna I'm gonna order what I want and then repeat it back. I want to go one. He didn't even repeat it back. That was the other thing that I thought was odd. What? I'm like, there's no way this is right. When he said it was 3997 or whatever, I'm like, no, he got something wrong there.
Choosing Inner Peace Over Fixing Everything
But I just went through it. I'm trying to realize more and more that if I get pissed off or acknowledge every mistake in the world, I'll ruin my own inner peace and nothing else changes but that. Which is hard for me because I want to fix everyone. Yeah, you're doing that fucking wrong. But in reality, what the fuck do I care that the guy's doing it wrong? So the guys on drive-thru can't hear. I think as a business, they should probably not have the deaf guy running the drive-thru. But what the fuck am I? Just keep going. I all I wanted was a fucking hamburger. So actually, I got the chicken tenders. But I only wanted four of them. But whatever. I got six. And two orders of fries. Never go to through a drive-thru with the deaf guy. Hey,
Tuesday Tease And Closing Music
but you know what? If you guys listen to our podcast every Tuesday, Tony has something to talk about his new diet that he lost. 50 pounds. He's already down a whole fucking half of you. Wait until you tell him about your height loss, Tony. Yeah. Next uh next podcast, on next Tuesday, we just play the music to leave this. Yeah, can we get the music, man? Yes. Alright, all is right.
