Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Vegas Fine Dining Whiplash
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We read a vicious one-star review of the Eiffel Tower Restaurant in Las Vegas, then Tony explains why that same place becomes the best meal and service he has ever had. The gap between those two stories turns into a debate about expectations, seating, pricing on the Strip, and what “fine dining” is supposed to feel like when it’s done right.
• reading a long one-star review that calls the place a tourist trap
• reacting to how the same restaurant can have opposite experiences
• breaking down Las Vegas Strip pricing and why “fancy” costs more
• debating paid reservations for specific tables and fountain views
• telling the bar seating mess that almost makes us walk out
• describing a service team that runs like a craft
• geeking out over bread service, lobster bisque, short rib, coffee, and soufflé timing
• asking what makes a restaurant review fair or misleading
Next time you go out to a French restaurant, leave us a review of how it went on our web on our podcast
One-Star Review Of A Vegas Icon
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, Chris, and Tony. Bell. Two reviews, two photos, one star. Two months ago. One of the most disappointing dining experiences I had ever had in Vegas, to be honest. Your money is better spent literally anywhere else on the strip. My mother and I went to celebrate my birthday here. The food was decent, but the service was terrible. We were under the impression that this was supposed to be a fine dining experience, yet it's obviously just a tourism attraction with servers who aren't even actually trained in fine dining etiquette. Firstly, they state they have a dress code, yet it was not enforced at all. Many upstairs wearing jeans and sneakers. We felt overdressed in heels in our dresses. I think something happened with our server. Maybe a changeover, but it was clear he forgot we were sitting there for a pretty long time at the start. No waters, no one offered us bread service the whole visit. We ordered our cocktails. Honestly, drinks were great. But we were forced to order everything we wanted at the same time because of the chef. But honestly, I think our server was just too busy and didn't want to come back. I told him if we must order everything at the same time, we would like our wine to come out at the same time as our food. We finished our appetizers, our plates got cleared very quickly. A food runner came to reset the table, meaning she threw a fork and knife at our table and kept walking. Didn't even place them in the correct order. I haven't I have seen more grace in the way McDonald's employs hands over a straw. Our mains came out three minutes later, and you will never guess what happened. No wine. We waited for 10 minutes, no wine. We asked a food runner, no wine. We asked uh uh we asked another server, still no wine. Finally, we gave up and started eating, and just when we were at the last few bites, the wine showed up. And honestly, I'm not even being a smart ass when I say that I had better service at the Rainforest Cafe at the night prior. Prices are insane for the food and service. The best parts for the drinks. View is cool enough, but still not worth the hassle of this place. Go to Hell's Kitchen. We have dined with them many times. Great service and amazing food for a better price. I would honestly avoid this place if you're looking for a real fine dining experience. But if you just care about the views and somewhat decent food, this place is good for you. Again, that was Belle. She's given two reviews. She provided two photos. That's a long time. It's a one-star review two months ago. Fucking
Tony Says It Was Perfect
what the fuck did you just have me read, Tony? All right. So this is a is that your wife? Is she Belle? This is a dining establishment that I ate at. In Vegas. In Vegas. When you were there. Yep. Just uh five days ago. And was this Belle your hooker that you hired for the night? Or why is she? So how'd she have such a bad time? So I just pulled up that that was I didn't even read that ahead of time. I just pulled up the most recent one stuff. So why'd you find the world's longest review ever? They're all really long like that for this restaurant. So this was a restaurant that my wife and I chose to eat at. And I'm gonna tell you about my experience with I I can't even call it this meal. It was the meal. It was god honest, the best thing I've ever had in my life. It was the greatest night of dining that I've ever had. Well, it wasn't the same night Bell was there. Like I I looked at the reviews on this restaurant, and I could not believe that there were any negative reviews. There's like 6,500 reviews on this restaurant, and it got it's like 4.7 stars. That's pretty high. That's really high. So the
Vegas Strip Prices And Steakhouse Baselines
night started, or the the day started much like every night of my every day of my fucking life, right? My wife, we wake up, open her eyes, and immediately starts in what do you want for dinner? That is true. That is so true. I'm like, I have no fucking idea. It is 6 15 in the morning. Does she tell you well, you have all day to think about it? So here's the thing. This is this is this is our fifth day in Vegas. Um, if you've ever been to Vegas, everything is ridiculously expensive. Yeah. There's okay, so on on the tourist area called the strip, everything is really expensive. I don't know how five days there. So it's like the Milwaukee Bucks game, but like times two? Oh, yeah. You can go to the tourist area of downtown and still get reasonably priced, you know, food, entertainment, things like that. But everything on the strip where the nice places are, uh, less homeless people, um, things are really expensive. And things a lot of things in Vegas are fancy for the sake of fancy. Oh, yeah. They're not actually fancy. Like, you might go into a sushi restaurant when you go into sushi restaurants locally all the time and spend like $15 on a sushi roll, and you walk into Vegas, and that same roll that you get at home is like $68. Like, that's just the reality of eating in the nice hotels in Las Vegas. There's a steakhouse that I really like in Vegas, and I go to it almost every time. Lowry's? No. It's uh it's in the hotel New York, New York. It's its name is Gallagher's, and apparently in the actual state of New York, which I think is slightly smaller than the hotel in Vegas. Barely smaller, but yeah. Uh I've been to both. They have they have this restaurant, Gallagher's, you know, just like in New York. And uh it's like my kind of steak place, right? You walk by, you walk through the front of it. It's in this area of the hotel that's all cobblestone roads, and it looks like this old, old school village. And uh you get to the front of it, and they got they got these big coolers like outside, like built into the pillars of the front, and it's all uh big fucking full rib steaks of dry aged meat. And it's just this old school vibe, real dark, dark wood. It's fucking great. But every time you go there, you know, if you order the two cheapest things on the menu and two drinks, you're walking out of there for 160 bucks. You you want a halfway decent meal, you want to go in there and get a ribeye in an old fashioned or something, you better believe you're gonna be $260 for your meal. Jesus. So I don't consider myself a food snob, although most of my life I have not shied away from going to nice restaurants, fancy restaurants. I've been kicked out of restaurants because of dress codes. Um because you you didn't like uh what the waitress got you when you asked for what she liked the most? Nope. Nope. I walked in and I did not have a tie on. Really? Yep. I've been told to leave loser. I've been told to leave several times in my life because my attire did not fit their dress code requirements. So this being said, Cracks usually don't fit something that costs eighty dollars. Well, that's neither here nor there. So my wife goes, I think we should go to Gallagher's tonight. She's like, we haven't been there yet. We go there every time we're here. It's like your favorite place in the world. Like, let's just go there. We haven't had a we haven't had a steak dinner since we've been here. And and I said, you know, I said, we're five days in. Uh, you know, I've already fucking refinanced the house at two different casinos. Right. I said, I said, let's let's look, let's try a new steak place, something we can get out of there for like a hundred and fifty bucks tops, you know, with some drinks, some steaks, just like a reasonable place. I'm like, let's go downtown, find one of the better places in the shittier area. And Ponderosa. My wife's looking all over
Paying To Sit With A View
the place. Apparently, there's no sizzlers left. So she finds this place that's at the hotel across the street in uh the hotel Paris. It's across the street from where we're staying. And if you've never been to Vegas, Paris is staying in the Bellagio? We were. Jesus, you are not. So we were in the Paris, or I so I usually don't go to Paris. I don't know. There's something about it that I just don't really love. Like, if it's not a shithole, but I just get shithole vibes when I'm in it. That's the one that has like the balloon, right? Yeah, they got the balloon out in front and uh the replica Eiffel Tower. But I'm like, alright, we'll try it. And she's like, I want to go to this Eiffel Tower restaurant. She's like, it's on the 11th floor of the Eiffel Tower. And uh she's like, it it's mainly French food. And I'm like, alright, whatever. So like noodles and stuff. Yeah, I don't I don't know what French food is. Yeah, beignets, baguettes, baignettes, baguettes. Your face when you say, but uh she goes to make the reservation and uh like they don't they don't have a lot of great time slots left, you know, it's like 4 30 in the afternoon or 9 30 at night, you know, day of type shit. Basically. And and uh if we looked at 9 30 at night, we we had like three different options of reservation type, but if we looked at 4.30, we only had two. And one was bar seating, which was free. But if you wanted a table, you had to pay, I think it was eighty dollars a person. For the table? For the table, for a window view of the Bellagio Fountain show. Oh, okay. And I was like, there ain't no fucking way in this world that you're paying. I'm paying $160 just to fucking sit there, bro. To go sit and pay them more money and see the fountain that I can see from my fucking room. There ain't no way. So I tell my wife, I'm like, book that fucking bar. I will not go if we are paying money to sit at a specific table. So she books the bar reserve bar reservation. 4 30 or 9 30. 4 30. Okay. So I'm like the show wouldn't even been that good. It's fucking daytime. So I'm like, I'm like, whatever. It is what it is. It looks like we're she's like, Do you want to look at the menu ahead of time? And I'm like, nope. Doesn't matter, I'm not even gonna look at it when I'm there. So it's like a four-course situation, probably. Soup, the salad, the So you go there, you you go in through the casino, and you go to this little reservation desk. You go to this little reservation desk, and uh a lady takes you to an elevator and tells you, go up, go up, you know, there's only one stop. And she's like, enjoy your dinner. So we go in this elevator, and it runs you up to the 11th floor, and it opens up, and you're standing
Crowded Bar Seats And Almost Leaving
in a kitchen. It's so fucking bizarre. So you're you're in this working kitchen, there's 50 people working in it. It's like chaos in there. Even at 4 30. 4 30. It's like fucking full. There's food everywhere. And uh so we assume we're supposed to walk down the hall that we're not supposed to go into the kitchen. So we walk down the hall and we get to a little hostess station. And they got this huge U-shaped bar. And uh I go, Oh, that that's not gonna be bad. Sitting at the bar, you know, nice big comfy chairs. And there's another couple at the bar eating. And uh, we go up to the hostess stand, she goes, Oh, good party of two, you guys are both here. She's like, let me take you to your seats, and she goes and sits us at the bar right next to the only two other people at the bar. Okay. Where me and the gentleman I'm sitting next to are literally touching shoulders. And now we're like talking, shooting a shit. They put my wife and she's at the very end. And she's got there's a lower bar where all the waiters go up to to pick up the drinks. So they're picking up drinks and they're bumping into her, and that lower bar sits into the high bar area a little bit. So my wife's got this like leaning against her legs, so her legs are pressed against mine. And the rest of the bars open, the restaurants there's 28 empty seats at the bar. Why, why did they do this to you? I I don't know. And my wife just looks at me. We've been sitting there for like 10 minutes. My wife's like, and and I know when you've been married to somebody for as long as I have, like, when they get a look on their face or they say like a certain thing that's that wouldn't give it away to anybody else, like you immediately know she doesn't want to be there anymore. It's like, yeah, this is nice, Tony. This is real nice. So when the bartender, when the bartender comes over and she goes, Can I get you a drink? Uh she said, I need more time. And that's cute right there. Yeah. She knows what she wants at the bar. Her saying she needs more time is her and her head weighing out, dealing with the situation we're in, or going through the embarrassment of telling me we're we need to get up and leave. I already know. I don't think it's embarrassing, but well, she gets embarrassed about like getting sat somewhere and getting up and leave. I I don't have a problem with it at all. What do you mean? Not ordering anything, having someone have brought you there, sat you down. And then and then just deciding this isn't for me and getting up and leaving. I I've done it at a dozen places in my life. Well, I mean, are you at the point of a meal or you got actual like drink? I call it this ain't Frosties. This ain't Frosties. When you're on a cruise ship, the guy was like, Go to Frosties. When you get on the island, if you want to eat something local, you're gonna get diarrhea. But if you want to eat something like local, you go to Frosties. And we sat down at one place and we're ordering, and we're like, Is this Frosties? And the guy's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, yeah, it's Frosties, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm like, This ain't Frosty's, and I made my whole family get up, six, eight of us or whatever it was, get up and walk out the restaurant. It's like the wrong spot. So anytime we have that, I'm like, we'll walk in a bar and just kind of feel the vibe and be like, nah, Kate, this ain't Frosties. That's what I'll say. I would feel a little weird sitting down, having someone take my spot, or getting uh walking in and then sitting down, then yes. I'll do it after waters have been brought to the table and I'm already looking at the menu. That's fine, but like actually like going through the the motions, like more than just water, like water drop down, then you leave, fine. But if like you're like, I need a second, I need to read the menu. No, I'm I still eat and give me a coke. Then you know you gotta stay. Drop a couple of dollars before you leave. That's that's weird. Yeah, I've done it. I've done it a bunch of times. That's weird. It is, and you not that's probably because it's always my wife's idea because I don't give a fuck at all. You completely fuck up the restaurant's order and the layout of the uh who's coming and going. Then it does it doesn't matter to me. It meant doesn't matter. You you have no you have no regard for other people's fucking some people sometimes people have me drive all the way to their house to give them an estimate and then they don't hire me. Like if it's different, it's not different, it's the same thing. An estimate is free. You going to a restaurant is not free at all. Sitting at a table is free. You know what it is? You don't get charged until you order something. Okay, maybe, but you're not giving an like a quote for a price. And then if I order a coke and then decide that I don't want to be there anymore, I still pay for the coke. I don't just say fuck your coke and leave. All right, fine. Let me put it this way then. You go to a job, you got the job, and you're like, you know what? You started it, but I'll give you for what you worked for, but I'm gonna find someone else for cheaper to actually install the tile. You did the demo or whatever else you did. I'm gonna do someone else after that. That would piss you off because all your tools are there. You've you you've contract. You've done everything you had to to get that job, and now all of a sudden you have to leave. That's a contract. That's like going to a restaurant, sitting down. That's like me bringing my toolbox in and then going, oh, by the way, we're not going through with this. And you're like, all right, and then you just you don't even put your toolbox down, you just make a U-turn right in your kitchen and walk right back out. Okay, you would be pissed about that though. I don't know, maybe it depends on the circumstance, probably not. So then it's different. Okay, no, fine, fine. I want to know what happened. So I just looked at my wife and I I knew I knew the drill. I mean, I've been with this broad my whole fucking life. Literally. I just I just know what I gotta do at this point. They might have been born with each other. I get up from my uncomfortable seat at the bar, and now she has like a sigh of relief because now she can move her legs so that thing's not stabbing her in the side of the knee. And uh the guy next to me is super happy because now he can move his elbow, and uh I I walk up to the hostess stand and they're like, Can I help you? And I said, Yeah. I said, I had reserved a seat at the bar. I'm like, we got our seat at the bar, it's all good, but if you guys don't have a table, we're gonna have to leave. I'm like, I'm like, we can't sit in those seats. And she goes, What's wrong with the seats? And I'm like, Well, there's not enough room for any of our shoulders. I'm like, you know, my wife's got that like countertop jabbing into the side of her leg. I'm like, it's just not ideal, and if you can't seat us somewhere else, we're gonna have we'll we'll just be leaving. And she goes, I got a table I can put you at. So she puts us at a table, right? Great table. Like it's really it was like a table set up for four. Like most of the most of the tables in this restaurant are set up for two. But this one's a big four-person table, and it's it's uh it's kind of like a U-shaped bench that everything faces out the window at you know the fountains and stuff, and I'm like, yeah, it's pretty magical, but it's not worth $160. Oh, they were gonna make you pay still? No, no, no, no, no. But I'm just saying, like, had we just reserved it and paid that money. So they slid you to the table. So they slid me to the table. And I'm like, How fast can you eat? We got a reservation at five thirty for this table. So I'm thinking in my head, I'm like I'm like, my wife has never written a review on anything. And I'm like, if that was the end of our experience at this restaurant, like them just letting us leave. Yeah. My wife probably would have said, I think I'm gonna re write one of these reviewe things. Why? They held up their end. Yeah, got you a spot at the bar. I know, but you know maybe they had a party at eight at the bar and the rest of them seats needed to be in a bunch. But my wife probably would have wrote a bad review. Like she was really upset. She was looking forward to this all day. She found that it was her idea. So you know when something's your girl's idea, like it's it's gotta be the thing. Like she she plans everything, and she always asks my opinion to pick something, and I never have an opinion. So when she actually has to make the decision, she wants everything to be like spot on. Fair enough. And my only stipulation was for dinner that night that they didn't want to spend a lot of money. And as soon as I walked into this place, I'm like, oh, this place is a lot of money. Yeah. Like you could feel that that place was really fucking expensive.
Fine Dining Service Done Right
So we sit down within fucking 10 seconds, the waiter's all over us. And this is one of these places where each waiter only gets like three tables. Yeah. There only there's a lot of waiters, they're only dealing with like three tables. And each waiter has his own assistant. So he comes over and he's this very large man. He's probably 6'6, 350. Wow. Full tuxedo. His his helper kid is like a 25-year-old fucking super ripped. If I could say this in a very heterosexual way, very, very fucking handsome dude. The big fat guy wasn't good looking? No, no. Big tall fat guy? And the tuxedo? And he's speaking, he's speaking to us in this weird fucking accent. And I looked at Michelle and I'm like, so do you think it's this guy thinking he's some kind of actor here? Like, like, I'm gonna try to have a French accent, like the same way when when Jay gets all excited and he goes into his like fucking stupid brave heart Scottish thing. I'm like, do you think that's what this is? He's just trying it out because you guys are the first ones in the restaurant for the night. You better shot your fucking mouth before I slap it. And then I drag your ass to the mortal. So his French accent was about equivalent to your Scottish accent. Like probably passable, but if somebody from Scotland was here, they'd be like, what the fuck is this guy's problem? I'm gonna say I'm a southern Scottish guy. I I don't I don't I don't uh conversate with fucking northerns. But but this uh this waiter, me and Michelle are having this talk about this. Like, do you think he's faking this accent or like what the fuck is with the way this guy's talking? And he's talking to the other table, and they go, Your accent's very unique. Where is it from? You can hear him talking, and and he goes, Oh, uh, I've lived in America for five years, I'm from Lithuania. No, do that, do the accent. You can't just do that. I try to try, please try. It's not even a chance. Just try for our audience. Everyone wants to hear you try. He goes, he goes, uh I'm from Lithuania. Come on, do it. He's like, it's really funny. People always think I'm trying to do a French accent, but this is really just a Lithuanian accent in English. And I was like, Oh, that clears it up. I'm like, oh, I wonder if he heard me a little bit talking about this. But uh I'm gonna tell you, this was the best service of my life. Like, every time a crumb fell off the bread, there was somebody's hand under it to catch it. It was the fucking wildest. The I mean, I've never seen anything like that. Do you think the foreigners are better at service than Americans? The young kid was an American, and he was the one who did the lion's share of the work. Yeah, he's a good thing. So the big dude is the brains, right? He jumped and grabbed your crumb before it hit the ground. It was it was epic. Okay. How fucking clean this dude kept everything on all three of his tables. Like, and it was non-stop. They weren't ever just you know, you go to a like a restaurant and you see all the fucking servers like hanging out over by an opening. Every time the kitchen door opens, you see like six, seven of them smoking cigars or drinking their beers or whatever. Like these dudes, it it was it was almost like a little bit of an art form. You know, you ever go someplace and you got a salesman like up your ass and it's annoying, but then every once in a while you just get a fucking salesperson who like who like knows the craft of what he's doing, and he's not there to sell you something, he's there to make sure you know what you're getting. Yeah, he's the best. Make it happy, and and that's how that's how this dude was. He was just there to explain everything. And he goes, French guy or the white guy? The Lithuanian guy. All right, the white guy, he wasn't allowed to talk. Oh he was the helper. So he's talking all about the meals, the specials, the he's he's telling us the area, he's telling us everything about everything, right? And uh, you know, in that review, they in that review they mentioned uh the bread service, right? And the guy the guy wasn't just like, would you guys like bread? Or we offer bread service. He goes, Look guys, between between your uh your soup and your meal, we offer we offer a loaf of homemade blah blah blah blah blah along with uh this whatever artisan cream butter and blah blah blah, and that can be brought to your table with the soup or between the soup and your dinner, however you would like it. Like it wasn't just like yo dude, you want some bread. It was like he's like, first, I'm gonna tell you the story behind the bread, and then you let me know if that's something you're interested in. So the story made How much is this bread? 20 bucks? It was it was like 14. The add-on. But the story, the story made the bread taste better. So he brings out this fucking bread, right? And I'm like, oh, just like you said, a fucking loaf of bread and on a fucking cutting board with some shitty butter. It tastes like uh salt. This this fucking butter, possibly the best thing I've ever eaten in my life. This bread, phenomenal. The lobster bisque, you know, he's like, we order the lobster bisque. We it's kind of what we get everywhere we go that has it. And uh, you know, they bring you out this fucking bowl of cream, and you get to the bottom of it, and you're like, there ain't no fucking lobster in here. Right, right. No, man, they bring out a bowl, and there's a fucking pile like like a big fat pile of lobster in the middle of it, and they bring out a fucking horn of bisque, and they pour it in, and then they mix it for you, and then they and then they move on and tell you to enjoy. Jeez, a little sprig of parsley right as they walk away. So so at the beginning of this, he goes, I just gotta let you know. We're famous for one thing here. It's called a souffle. It's the most difficult dessert that you can make. He goes, they're made fresh per order. The only reason I'm bringing this up to you is because they have a 47-minute cook time. So if you want one, if you want one and you don't want to wait until an hour after you've eaten, which you're still more than welcome to do, he's like you would want to place your order now for it if you want it to come out coursed properly. See, this guy knows his business, how to get a good tip, make sure everybody has fun and a good time, is to not make them wait or have no surprises and explain everything real quick. For shits and gigs, try to display try to spell souffle. Oh s u I think it's like it could be anything, can't even spell it and put it in his phone. You guys are actually S-U-F-E-L? S-U-F-F, I said. It's like E E F F L E. You guys are almost right. Great job. Souffle. Only one last F. Damn. So uh he goes through the uh available flavors of souffle, and I don't know what the fuck a souffle is. Okay, wait. I don't know what it is either. I don't I don't want to look I know it comes out all burning, right? No right up at the no, not at all. Does it look like angel food cake? It does. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? The blaze, though. They blaze it, they caramelize it. Yeah, well, I don't think they caramelized I No. Okay. They were fucking interesting. Uh I think it's an egg-based dessert. Okay. How'd you how did you spell it again? I'm sorry. So so we order up our souffle.
Short Rib Bisque Bread And Coffee
Um, I have him help me with the menu, and I tell him, bring me out the best thing you have. And uh my wife orders some fish dish she found on the menu seven hours earlier and has been talking about all fucking day. Of course it does. But uh he brings me out, and here I I got what it's called here. Sufflati? No. Cause you had you Tony, for you that don't know, Tony that's the waiter, waitress, pretty much order for him everywhere he goes. Put your glasses on so you can see. He says, What's your favorite thing or what's good today, or what's the best thing I should get, and then he just lets them order. So he brought me the slow braised short rib. Oh yeah. Asabuco style. I don't know what that is. Either do I. With Al say cunefly and wild mushrooms. Is that like a a pearled pasta, maybe? Dude, you fucking know it. Is it? It's it's similar texture to a speitzel. Yeah, okay. A speitzel, which is like, what is that? A spell. It's a smashed dull little spindle like a noodle, but it's dull, ain't it? A speitzel. Yep. That's German. And those are one of my favorite things. But their uh their version of it, I didn't even know what the fuck it was. It looked like barley almost. Was it like a potato? Oh, barley. Yeah, it was like the size of barley. And dude, I don't think I've ever had a meal like this in my life. This fucking meal, I'm telling you guys right now. European food, man. So how much what how much was it again? It was fucking cheap. It was only like 70 or 80 bucks. For the whole the whole thing? Or for each person. For my meal. Did you have to suck a dick afterwards? The bill with tip was well over 300. Okay, well. I thought your wife said you wanted it cheap. How is that 70? What? Because they ordered a $74 souffle. Yes. And then I had some fucking fruity ass wine Sazrak drink, too. Could you have left there with a $70 or $80 bill? No. Okay, then why would I I mean, yeah, uh technically you can. You can have water, house crackers, um, order, order like I think they had a chicken dish, like a two-piece and a biscuit. So where did the $70, $80 come from? That's how much the short ribs were. Oh. And it was one rib. Missed that. Missed that. It wasn't like a lot of ribs. Missed that part. It was it was like a four-inch by four inch by four inch square. Jesus with one rib bone sticking out of the middle of it, like perfectly in the middle of it. A beef rib. Beef rib. So three hundred dollars. Something you can get for raw for buck eighty-nine at the time. Could you still eat after you left there? No. You were that full. Yeah. Okay. It filled you up that much. Um, so you had no doggy bags. French spazel. Oh, leftovers. No, so we got our lobster bisque soup to start. Fucking phenomenal. Best bisque I've ever had in my life. Not even a close second. And we we order that shit everywhere we can fucking get it. Then we get the bread. I I gotta say, this bread, if it wasn't the best I've ever had, it's in the top two. So soft, moist, yep, melts in your mouth, hard crust, this this savory. I know, I know this is gonna sound trivial or stupid, but this fucking butter, next level. I don't even understand this fucking butter. I've had some good butters. Grazed, aged butter from a from a cotton. But it probably has garlic and hand parsley from a bowl. From bulls dick. You had cum. That's what he was saying, yes. Yeah. And if it was bulls cum, but it tasted like that, I would be fucking a-oka with it. So you're gonna get you look for bowls cum next time. I'm gonna try. Grocery store. Where's your bowls gum? I didn't see it on any of the little cards in the aisle. I'm just wondering. You gotta go to the guys in the aisle stocking beans on the shelf. Hey man, you guys got you guys get that shipment of bowl comb in? Um, then he brings me out this fucking short rib with with these wild mushrooms on it and uh this whatever, this fucking dough noodle. What did you guys have to drink? Uh so my wife had like Miller Light. No. Leave the can. Oh, yeah. Uh no, she got she started with the martini and then she went to some other fucking specialty drink they had there. Uh, I actually just drank coffee, which is free. I don't know how you drink coffee. You wanted something free. Well, they probably didn't stop. If I can save some money, I'm gonna do it on my drink. Coffee's like $18. It is not fucking free. It is it is the same price as a shot of vodka. Uh but so they brew the coffee like in a French press, obviously. Are we gonna say this is the best coffee you ever had as well? It it actually was. Okay, it was the best of coffee. So this is the best everything. Best best of fucking everything. When you spend a lot of money, sometimes you just think it's the best of everything. No, sometimes. Sometimes did it make you forget that the elevator is not true? The elevator opened up into the No, because we had to leave through the kitchen also. Yeah. Um, but uh yeah, they fucking they make you uh full like whatever French press of coffee, they put it in a craft, and your fucking waiter helper comes over every time it gets half full. He's like, Could I offer you some more of your coffee? Is there free refills? Well, you get the craft for 18 bucks. Got it. Okay, it's like three and a half, four cups in there, man. Yeah, but uh that's crazy, man. So this was this was like uh eat every fucking item on your plate because it is so delicious. Whether you're hungry or not, it doesn't matter. Like if you're not hungry, you're finding room for how fucking good this was. And uh we get all done, and I I just look at Michelle and I'm like, I cannot believe we almost fucking left this place. She's like, oh my god. She's like, I would have fucking she's like, I would have avoided this place every other time we came to Vegas, I'd have been like, that place is fucking terrible. And she's like, now it's gonna be a place we go every single time. How long do you think you're there for? Three hours. Holy shit. That's but dude, that's what a that's literally what a fine dining thing is. I get you, yeah. You gotta be there long too. They only give you like so. If you're there, what was the other reservation time for seven o'clock and then nine? So there has to be like three reservation windows at this place. Three turns and that's it. They gotta make their money, man. Yeah. So um we get all done with our food. We're just kind of sitting there relaxing for a minute, you know, drinking my
Souffle Finale And Why Reviews Clash
coffee. I had forgotten that we ordered this souffle, obvious uh uh uh at this point. I I like I knew we weren't ready to leave, but I wasn't really like expecting anything to come out. Right, you're just and then he walks out with this fucking souffle. So it's this white ceramic cup that they make them in, and it's puffed up over the top of it like three inches. And the marshmallow man. Yeah, and it it looks like it it looks like the top of like a baked fucking pie or something. It looks like a troll hair sticking out of the room. Yeah, sorta. And uh I had no idea what it was, and when he described when he was uh trying to tell us about the souffle, and I didn't want to sound fucking terrible, but he told me it was you know a 47-minute ordeal to get it. Yeah, I did actually ask how much it was. Like it was the only thing I really asked. That could be five hundred dollars. Exactly. It you know, everything else, like I looked at the meals, I'm like, okay, worst case scenario, he brings me the beef wellington, it's $120. You know, like there were things that were expensive, but everything was whatever the same range of ridiculousness for the strip. 60 to 80 Vegas price, yeah, 60 to 80, and then there were a couple items that were like 100 or 110. So I'm like, okay, it's not like I'm going to the $30 steakhouse, but they happen to have this seafood jamboree that's $300. Right. Uh so I'm like, well, I'm not gonna get ran up that much, but this dude's telling me a 45-minute dessert, that could be fucking $200. And it was it was like 16 bucks. Yeah, it just had to sit there for 45 minutes and level or whatever the hell the bakers do. So we we just ordered one to split. I don't know. I figured we we were gonna be full anyway. We rarely get dessert at restaurants, but you know, this dude's fucking talking about this thing like you've never had anything like it. It was only sixteen dollars. It was like sixteen bucks. And it's a small piece of cake, dude. I know it's sugar and egg. Something that like your restaurants are named for. You you obviously got to spend more money for it. So it makes doesn't make sense. It's only six. You get to bring something, someone in to to go at your restaurant to get it. Yeah, but you gotta make it through $115 worth of other shit to get the $10. So you you are you telling me you you can't go to that restaurant and just order that thing? You can't order just at $80 a head at the table. Yeah. You can't just order the souffle. So this is only for someone that orders something at $200 or more. Boy, I'm telling you, this souffle was like best souffle he's ever had. So the only way I can describe it is like a light and fluffy, completely smooth bread pudding. I don't know if you've ever had bread pudding. I feel like Jay would never try it because of the name. That sounds disgusting. I feel like I've had it and I don't know if I liked it. Yeah. Bread and pudding don't mix for me. It's well that's like a bad it's like a bad name for it. But I yeah. Okay, so you give me something to look okay. Bread pudding is like a baked dish. It's not like chocolate pudding with fucking hunks of French bread in it. I get you, I get ya. But the souffle was got honest, it it is like a every time we go there to to Las Vegas, we will be going there whether it's at fucking 10 o'clock at night, whether it's at 10 o'clock at night when all the people are done eating to go in there and just get a fucking dessert at the end of the night or s or something. But this restaurant is now my I have to do every time I am on a favorite part of the restaurant is the souffle? It was everything. It was Okay, it's everything. Jay, it was the best experience of my life. If you had to pick one part of that restaurant, would that be the souffle? You know, the thing is if you had one thing to pick, and if you had no one back your house. If I had to do if I had to pick one, like my favorite thing out of every component of everything I ate, it would be a toss-up between those fucking noodles I can't say the name of. The little dumplings, speitzel, whatever the fuck they are. And maybe a tie between the souffle and the butter. I don't know. Going back for butter and souffle. Yeah, dude, if I could get those two combined, fuck yeah. But I'm telling you, maybe you can learn how to make them. When I just went on because I didn't even know the name of the thing that I ordered. When I went on their website to find out what the name of the item I got was, and I seen that anybody left that place a bad review, I had to see you telling I had to see this from somebody else's perspective. And I will hunt this fucking cunt down. She probably got sat in the shitty bar area. She probably didn't get the the fat old seasoned vet. She got the new rook waiter guy. She's out here bitching because her wine didn't come on time. Fuck her. Well, yeah. How dare you? Because of the chef. She didn't sound like that much of a bee's notch. Oh, she gave the best place in the fucking world to eat a meal one star. That's crazy. You go on fucking Wendy's right now. Wendy's is a three-star restaurant. But she three stars, she did almost give like a novel. Like
Closing Thoughts And Listener Challenge
she really gave three paragraphs full of content. I thought for sure we were gonna hear about how bad of an experience you had just like that. No, dude, it couldn't be any further from that. So, what's the name of this again establishment? It's called the Eiffel Tower Restaurant. Eiffel Tower Restaurant. Well, do you uh I if I ever went to uh Las Vegas or had money to if you ever went with me and you wanted to do the same shit I was doing, you would be there for sure. But would you pay for me? Hell no. Hell no, I don't want to go. You see how quick that was? I'll go into McDonald's. You will. You're still gonna pay 80 bucks at McDonald's there. When I go to Vegas, I go to a place that has a microwave and I bring my own food. I'll go to the grocery store when I go to Vegas. Look at this. I can't afford the food in Vegas. And Chris will walk there. I don't ever stay on strip either. I stay like two blocks behind strip. Oh, God. Yeah, I got crackheads in my crackheads in the fucking atrium when I walk out my hotel room. And then I go party on the strip. Not a chance. Hell yeah. You make friends with them and you fuck party with them, don't you? Sure, probably in the lot. There you go. Set us out, Chris. I can just see Chris getting off a southwest flight holding two chairs in a bank. Hell yeah. Let's roll. You can drink in the streets of this city. I'ma set up. Chris can do anything anywhere. This is facts. Chris, set us out. Thank you for listening to Top Shelf Stories. That was Tony's review of the Eiffel Tower restaurant. I forget what the woman's name in the beginning was, but that girl ain't got it right. Tony says it's good. It's probably really good. Thanks for listening. Next time you go out to a French restaurant, leave us a review of how it went on our web on our podcast. We'll talk to you later. Bye.
