Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
When Holding It Goes Wrong And A Grandpa Steps In
We trade raw, funny, and painful school memories to ask why bathroom rules often ignore biology and dignity. From a first-grade accident to a gym-class puddle, a fierce grandpa, and a strict teacher who still taught respect, we trace how authority can help or harm.
• bathroom limits leading to real harm
• a grandfather confronting school leadership
• discipline versus dignity in gym class
• how one kind teacher protected a student
• parenting rules for true restroom emergencies
• why certain teachers shape lifelong memory
Thank you for listening this is our podcast and respect teachers and uh they gotta if you gotta go man just go just gotta go if you gotta go
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, Chris, and Tony.
SPEAKER_05:What's up, everybody?
SPEAKER_04:Yo, Tom. Hey, Tony, what's going on? Can you hear me now?
SPEAKER_05:Well, today, today I got what possibly could be a top shelf story, although it might not be top shelf. I don't know. Okay. Um, so I had a little time between appointments before I got here today. Uh so was it was it about uh disease that you have or something? So here's the deal. I I was over on the side of town, which I'm not in too often. Uh that side of town rarely hires me for work. Uh and and that happens to be the side of town that my mother lives on. So I was gonna be driving kind of right by her house. So I call her up and I'm like, yo, bitch, make me a cup of coffee. I gotta take a piss. I'm gonna stop over for a minute. Well, your mom doesn't listen, so so I get there, and you know, the coffee's brewing and bathrooms. She warmed up the seat and made sure everything was like smelling good and stuff in there. Why do you need a warm seat with Kavanaugh's hover? I want to know. What is that seat, dude? Just to just to warm the room. You need a new microphone.
SPEAKER_04:What's wrong with my microphone?
SPEAKER_05:It keeps crackling. You better buy you better buy a new one. I think I think your cord. No, that's a brand new cord. I've been fiddling.
SPEAKER_02:It's his microphone.
SPEAKER_05:Go ahead, Chris. It's not the microphone. I mean, go ahead, Tony. That thing's pristine. It's a Jed Freeze a microphone.
SPEAKER_02:My button doesn't even work anymore.
SPEAKER_04:I'm on and off, and it's it's always what is the the there's like sure mics are good. This is a sure mic. There's another one that's good, but this one, this is a Samson.
SPEAKER_02:This is a Sure Mike. Are you reading the name?
SPEAKER_04:It's a Samson. It says Samson. I got good mics. Oh, you're right. I'll bring mics.
SPEAKER_05:Wait, that one I think it's a Samsonite. I was way off. Okay. Anyways. Well, well, how does she warm the seat up? Uh, she uses a hair hairdryer.
SPEAKER_04:I just thought you meant she took a quick dump before you.
SPEAKER_01:Ah disgusting. Or sit on there like that.
SPEAKER_05:But anyway, I got I go over there and my brother's two kids are there. His two youngest daughters. And uh um his one daughter Why weren't they at school? Because it was four o'clock. Fair enough. Continue. Um he didn't say the time. So the one daughter is is very much so. She's eight years old. But she is very much so a gossip. Like, if you tell her a secret, she will make sure she tells everybody about it.
SPEAKER_02:So do you tell her to not say anything? It's a secret.
SPEAKER_05:So she she had, yeah. Oh, dude, if you tell her it's a secret. She wants to tell it more. Yeah. She she will like she's like, hold on a minute, go live. Yeah, hold on. Hold on a second, Tad. Can you text these seven people for me?
SPEAKER_01:Let me get 15 likes, I'll let you know the secret.
SPEAKER_05:Um sorry, Chris. I'm stealing your so apparently she had a little problem uh at school today, and she had to use the bathroom. How old's she? She's like eight.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:She had to use the bathroom, and uh her teacher wouldn't let her and told her that they have they have like some kind of rule instituted where you're allowed to like leave class and go to the bathroom like two times in a week or two times in a month or something. It was something ridiculous.
SPEAKER_04:Like probably to keep them from vaping.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:At eight?
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah. Yeah. At eight. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They got views. Get the fuck out of here. They don't even sell vapes anymore. Search your kids' room. Kids do not have vape. My vapes are around all over the place. Yeah. I never seen them using them. Yeah. They do got them stashed. Well, that's why some are missing. I can't find them. Like I got some that are missing, I can never find. Vape compartment. Vape compartment.
SPEAKER_04:You got a nicotine inch?
SPEAKER_05:Vape compartment. I like that. That was good. But uh she she was talking about how she had to hold it. My mom had told her a story like right before I got there. And it was about the time that this happened to me when I was in first grade.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:And uh um when I was in first grade, I had a teacher and it was her first year teaching. And I remember I I bet you I couldn't name five of my teachers' names all the way until the end of high school. Like I They had names? Yeah. Okay. Um I like I don't remember any of these people that that uh sculpted and molded me into the man I am today. I don't remember any of them.
SPEAKER_02:Well, you don't remember the ones that sculpted? You don't remember the ones unless they did sculpt you.
SPEAKER_05:Like you're remembering the one that I remember sculpted you. I remember this teacher because she was first year out of college. Uh my first grade teacher, and Phoenix Carter. I was gonna say, yeah, she had boobs hanging out or something. She would not let me go to the bathroom.
SPEAKER_02:Unless she was with you.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, this is where you got raped? No, this is not where I got raped. The rape came a couple years later. The first time any male has ever been raped.
SPEAKER_04:Uh it was attempted rape. It was an attempted rape.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, sorry. And I derailed it by telling her she was gross, which she probably still has a complex about. She slap you and you she's like, I am so disgusting. A ten and a half year old wouldn't let me suck his dick.
SPEAKER_02:That's not rape. Rape would be okay. Never mind. I'm done.
SPEAKER_04:No, this we established in last week's episode that Jay does not know the definition. It has nothing to do with your eyes, Jay. Okay? Nothing to do with your eyes.
SPEAKER_05:But this teacher would not let me use the bathroom, and I urged her that it was an emergency, and she told me no. And I remember taking the most volume of a shit I ever remember in my life. It ran down to the back of my knees in my first grade class.
SPEAKER_02:Ew. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_05:And I remember other kids walking around me telling saying like just randomly, like, oh, it smells like dookie. And I had to pretend like I didn't smell anything, even though my whole asshole region was was fucking soaking brown liquid through it and running all the way down to my sock.
unknown:Oh.
SPEAKER_05:And this was like bro, this was like the first hour of the day.
SPEAKER_02:I do have a I do have a story like that, but I'll I'll tell you after you're I'll tell it after you're done.
SPEAKER_05:And I uh I just had to pretend like it wasn't there and just fucking deal with it. And I got home and after school at that time in my life, my mom was a single mom and she had a job and she worked until like five o'clock. And uh my grandparents lived like a block from us, and after school, I would walk to their house. And uh so me and my buddies walk. My buddies are still saying, like, man, it smells like really old dried shit right now. Wait, wait, wait, wait. No one knows you yet? No, I'm sure I'm sure they all knew, and they were just throwing around like these nonchalant comments.
SPEAKER_02:Like, in class, there's not there's not a mess near your desk.
SPEAKER_05:Teacher didn't say hey, bro. There was there was a smeared puddle of shit on my chair.
SPEAKER_02:So the teacher didn't mean like, hey, Tony, can I help you out? Let's take you to the nurse's office. No, no, nothing. It's crazy. So they just went bypass the point of you shitting in your fucking.
SPEAKER_05:So I went I went home after school. And now take into consideration, uh I'm I don't know, seven or eight at this time, whatever, whatever you are in first grade. Six, seven? You're seven or eight. Yeah. Fucking ass. I don't fucking know. You're seven or eight. Seven and eight. I'm trying seven turning eight. Seven turning eight. So I'm seven turning eight. And uh six, seven. I get to my grandpa's house after school. And now taking into consideration, at this time my grandpa's probably sixty-seven years old. As soon as you walk in, he's like, get your ass in the shower right now, you little stinky kid. No, you know, my grandpa was retired at this time, and and he led a hard, a hard man's life. Like a lot, a life that none of us pussies sitting around this table had ever seen. That guy's seen war times. He worked in a fucking foundry his whole life. He uh was the oldest son of like 10 kids. Uh he had to help like raise his whole fucking family. He was a golden gloves boxer. Like, my grandpa has had a hard fucking man's life. And all these little fucking pussies nowadays, like, I'm gonna be an influencer when I grow up. Like, they will never know what it's like to have a fucking life like that. And now my grandpa's trying to enjoy his retirement, you don't need to have it, but because my dad was a piece of shit, now he's fucking raising somebody else's kids for several hours of his day every day. So he's not thrilled about it to begin with. And and I get home and my grandpa's sitting on his recliner watching price is right, like every day. And he looks over at me and he goes, You smell like shit. And I said, Well, grandpa I pooped in my pants. Well, you reactivated by sitting down. And and he goes, What do you mean you pooped in your pants? He goes, Why didn't you go to the bathroom? And I said, I asked my teacher like three different times if I could use the bathroom, and she told me no. And I said it was an emergency and I didn't have a choice. And my grandpa threw me, well, he changed my pants. And uh I remember I remember my grandpa like, let me see. And he said that I was just raw and chapped from my fucking lower back all the way down to my my sock. Just that acid y shit. That would burn so burning my skin all day. Damn. And I remember he made me change, take a shower, and then we got in his car, and he drove me to the school, and I begged him. I begged him not to fucking go back to the school and throw a fit. And uh my grandpa got in a screaming match with my principal at the time, and no blows were exchanged, but my grandpa did grab him by his collar and uh like fucking throw him against the wall and tell him my grandson doesn't even have to ask to go use the bathroom. He gets up and he goes to the bathroom when he needs to go.
SPEAKER_02:So you think so uh this this is the principal's rule? This was brought upon him.
SPEAKER_04:No, but the the buck stops there, and plus he was probably the only one left to see. But come on, my grandpa's just fucking rank dolling this other grown man. It was actually the janitor.
SPEAKER_02:How can you blame the principal when your teacher should have visually noticed a pool of shit and or smelled it coming from the classroom and point pinpointed where it came from? Buddy, I don't I don't even fucking know. You don't call me buddy.
SPEAKER_05:I'm your brother. Hey, bud. I'm your brother. Settle down. All I'm saying is my grandpa ragdolled my principal for my teacher, which honestly he has nothing to do with. Because of the situation. There there were other things like it was her first year teaching. She put her boob in your mouth. No. Uh so the one thing is that that's really kind of bizarre with this teacher is that at that time I was, I don't know, somewhere between six and ten, I think we established. But six and eighteen. Like many little poor boys that existed at that time. Um, my main priority in life was to catch and house bugs. And that was not my priority at all. No, no, well, you obviously weren't poor then. You probably had toys and whatnot. I had to go catch grasshoppers and stuff.
SPEAKER_02:I did actually do that a lot. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, stop touching it, Chris.
SPEAKER_04:I had to catch uh bugs to feed my little newt thing or whatever. There you go.
SPEAKER_05:So I was like I was like a magician at catching garden snakes when I was somewhere between six and ten. See, I had never even seen a snake in my life. Uh it's kind of funny because my six-year-old, who is either in kindergarten or first grade, I don't know, I don't pay attention enough to know. Uh he found a garden snake on his playground, and he said that he's the most popular kid in his class because he was the only one who had enough bravery to pick the snake up. And he was the king walking around with the garden snake. And he said, one of his friends, um put it in his pocket. No, he's like, My friend Levi seen that since I wasn't afraid of it, that he shouldn't be afraid of it, and he touched it after me, but he goes, I was the one who picked it up. But um, for show and tell, I would I would always bring because I didn't have shit to bring in to show anybody, so I would bring in my fucking whatever I had fucking living in a peanut butter container with a little hole punched in the top, uh, in the class, and everybody in fucking class loved it, which then uh prompted the teacher to start this like little collection of random little animals in the class. Oh, so you started something. So I I started that, and she would actually ended up being uh both of my brothers' teachers, even though uh um you know you would think the school would have done whatever they can to keep my siblings out of her class after my grandfather rag dolled this fucking.
SPEAKER_04:Well, you stayed in the class for the rest of the year. You only shit yourself the one time.
SPEAKER_05:That was only the one time, and I think I think it was pretty early in the year. But uh uh so that teacher actually um throughout her entire career, all thirty something years, uh always kept like random fucking salamanders and a garden snake and all this shit in her class and actually kept this uh um cared for these things to to be like a talking point with with the kids. Did they put a and and ironically I run into this teacher almost every year of my adult life?
SPEAKER_04:Have you sat in her shorts yet?
SPEAKER_05:Let her know how it feels. No, she uh she did she did tell me the last time I seen her, which was uh at the Italian community center at an event they have called Taste of Italy. Uh I've heard. Never been invited, Tony. Dude, it's the best. I've heard. Go every year. That's what I know.
SPEAKER_02:And uh never get an invite. I don't want to eat that much food. It's not that much food at all. No, I thought you just like walk around plate uh tables and they just pile on fucking spaghetti and meatballs until your plate can't hold it. It's not it at all.
SPEAKER_05:You buy tickets and you walk around a room that has 70 things available, and whatever ticket you have, you use it to buy these little sampling size versions of these items.
SPEAKER_00:All right.
SPEAKER_05:And uh I ran into her and she said that uh through her whole teaching career, the Kavanaugh boys made the biggest impact in her teaching career. Because of the size of their dicks. I don't think that was it, actually. Yeah, no, I don't think uh I don't think you know my somewhere between six and ten year old little gummy bear I had was really that impressive too.
SPEAKER_02:I thought it was six and ten inches you had at that age.
SPEAKER_05:No, six to ten age range for first grade. I don't I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:So do you think that she would do you think that she regretted it or did she know what kind of mistakes she had made with the poop situation?
SPEAKER_05:Well, I don't know, but what I can tell you is I don't I don't remember any stories of my other two brothers shitting themselves in her class. So I think I might have actually helped the future generations.
SPEAKER_02:If you ever been around uh fresh shit, you and you're in a small classroom, you're gonna know someone had something happened next and it happened.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, there's uh whoever smelt it delta game you might be able to play with your friends when you fart it, and they're like, Okay, who farted it? You did, you smelled it, you know.
SPEAKER_02:You go beyond the smell the delta look and see, and then when you got chicks shit soaked when it smelled fucking blue jeans, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:I know. And it's like 20 minutes into the day.
SPEAKER_02:So we um and Chris probably can can test contest to this. Uh I had this gym teacher, her name was Miss Raywald. Miss Rawald, man. Miss Raywald. She does like what's her wife's name. Uh yeah, she's definitely definitely like the girls. Um, she is one of the meet her at rugby. She's she could tackle this shit at anybody. She is definitely like Tony uh um explained about not knowing a teacher's name until you like one makes an impact in your life. But I mean, yours was a little bit different because you shit in yourself impact it in your life.
SPEAKER_04:How did Miss Rawald impact your life? I was gonna explain it now.
SPEAKER_02:So that's the reason he's selling the chicks. Maybe she was a drill sergeant for sports, she was our gym teacher, and you had to do everything perfectly to the T. When it came to learning how to play baseball, learning how to play basketball, every single little thing was drilled down to the smarter, the spiner, the the smallest minute uh uh learning aspect of it.
SPEAKER_05:So, in other words, your parachute up, parachute down game is on point. I don't know what that means. Or was your school not poor enough poor enough to have the parachute?
SPEAKER_02:Are you talking about like when you go on the roof and see if an egg breaks? No. What are we talking about?
SPEAKER_05:They put they basically put a fucking 20-foot round tarp in the middle of the room and everybody has to hold on to it all the way around and they go up. Oh, and then run under it, and then you get the you go down and then up and then run underneath it? Well, some people do eventually get it going.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, we did that. I lived in West. This is a West Dallas school. It wasn't a rich school at all.
SPEAKER_05:West Allis is actually the suburbs to my neighborhood.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, well, it wasn't rich to me. And you know, it was there were fights every day, and there was a lot of bullshit that happened. But besides that, when I was talking about the teacher, the gym teacher, uh, she was stricter than shit. She was a drill sergeant. You couldn't drink out of the bubblers. Would she just stand over you going, grow, goddammit, grow?
SPEAKER_04:I remember my dad being pissed at this lady because the school had gotten a new gym floor. And so with the gym floor, you could not have black souls, you had to have non-marking souls, and they couldn't be outdoor shoes. Yep. So we had gym shoes, and my dad was like, How the hell am I supposed to afford two pairs of kids?
SPEAKER_05:Where am I gonna get two pairs of Reebok pump with the CO2?
SPEAKER_04:No, that was grandma that got me that for Christmas. I remember we had to you my dad was I remember he was so pissed off because these shoes that you had to buy weren't like they they had to be like boat shoes with the white soles. Yeah, no, you couldn't find them 100, Chris.
SPEAKER_02:100. My mom came to one of our field trips, and I remember we went, it was going through the uh the gym, but she started to walk on the gym floor with her street shoes. And I'm I yelled at my mom, stop! Yeah, Ray Walks walking.
SPEAKER_04:Yes, my kid now goes to this same fucking school, and they hold things in the gym, and I I am still getting I can walk in there with a bottle of water and my street shoes on. There's bubblers and go in there.
SPEAKER_02:There's bubblers in the gym. Water fountain for people not local to us. Yes, thank you. Never allowed to use them ever. No, you're not allowed to look at them, not allowed to use them.
SPEAKER_03:You're not they're not even there.
SPEAKER_05:I'm assuming, I'm assuming at your school, since it was in the suburbs, they just put a sign on it that's waxed only.
SPEAKER_01:This is West Dallas. This is no suburb around. This is the city, man. This is the city. We didn't take buses to get to school. Yeah, take city, but okay, we gotta take buses. All right, right.
SPEAKER_02:Anyway, yes, and she would make us do the craziest things. We had to wash our shoes, our gym shoes by hand.
SPEAKER_04:There was you it's there was like if you found a pebble in the crack of the shoe, she was like, Ooh, you would be beaten by a fucking leather stick. And yeah.
SPEAKER_02:She okay, and then if you didn't wash them by hand, I okay. So one year I said, fuck this. I threw them in the the washer, what in in washer and dryer. Bring them, uh went to school, and she knew that I did not take the time to wash them by hand. She knew it was washer, uh thrown to the washer and she made you go sit in the library like it was goddamn Christmas. That was another joke, that was another part of my life. That was a Jehovah's Witness joke. Yeah, and I did do that, yes, and at General Mitchell. Um, but yeah, she knew that. She knew that she would have the craziest rules. But ultimately, like I learned from her like respect and discipline through sports, and I learned like I respect her for it. I hated her then, but I respect her now. But what I'm coming down to the story is when I was at in gym class, uh, I think we were playing um um kickball inside, and uh it was the exactly the same thing. You were not allowed to go to the bathroom. She would like you had to hold it or you had to wait for next period. And I had a piss so fucking bad, I was terrified to even ask her because I knew we weren't allowed to do it unless it was like emergency. And I mean it was, but I was still afraid of her. So we were sitting down Indian style in a line, waiting to kick the ball. I was probably 10th in line. There was probably another 10 kids behind me, and then I couldn't hold anymore, and I started pissing. I just it just onto the floor onto the floor in Indian style sitting onto the floor, and it just started to grow and grow and grow the the piss puddle. I think I was growing. I think I remember I can still smell it. My ass was it didn't smell terrible. Well, I mean, it didn't smell great. Like we had asparagus for dinner the night before. It was thick, it kept growing and growing, and I kept there's because there was two kids on either side of me, and I kept trying to puddle the water back into my lap because I didn't want it to touch them. I'm like, shit, how do I hold this lid soaked into my fucking jeans? I don't care. You were like, Miss Johnson, Timmy just pissed all over me. So uh you start to as the the player starts to get uh down the line and the next player kicks the ball, you start to move down the line.
SPEAKER_05:So I started moving using your pant leg to slide your puddle of piss.
SPEAKER_02:To slide the puddle of piss with me as I went down the line. But I the only it it it it I could only do so much. So I would talk about it.
SPEAKER_04:It was like one of those life and death situations where there was like an outer body Jay telling Jay to be with him. You can do it, Jay. We're merging episodes again.
SPEAKER_02:You use that leg, suck it to the ground. Squeegee. So um I I got I moved down three kids because the third kid got done bat uh kicking the ball, and then I couldn't hold it anymore. I couldn't stop it from moving, and then some kid next to me is like, oh, there's something wet on the floor.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, and I was like, it's water. I hit it, I was on it too. I think someone used the bubbler. They shouldn't do that, Miss Reb. Someone used the bubbler. This is why they have a rule to not use the bubbler.
SPEAKER_05:And to this day, you can still see the discoloration in that. I'm gonna check the refinished maple floor.
SPEAKER_04:I'm in that, I'm in that arena there, that basketball court thing, which is way smaller than I remembered as a kid. Right. For my kids' shit, like five times a year, I'll check it out.
SPEAKER_02:It's on the that's on the left side. So anyway, uh, and I I I went up to I was I stood up and went to the point where I had to kick the ball, and then I've everyone saw I was wet. And the one thing I respect about Miss Warewall is she knew obviously she's not dumb, she's pretty fucking smart. She knew that it pissed my pants, and she was like, Oh, Jay really sat in that water, didn't he? So she fucking he she helped me out, and I I respected that and I knew that she knew it, but I was like, Yeah. And then like you, Tony, this was like middle of the of the uh uh school day, so like I had to all day long, but it wasn't shit because that that would have been way worse. Oh, yeah. But I was I was red just would have been I was just red from the piss. I was I was burnt, my legs were burnt. I said, Mom, I fucking pissed my pants.
SPEAKER_05:Do you know how hard it is for a six through ten-year-old to get dried shit off of the back of their legs in the shower? Like you gotta rehydrate it at that point.
SPEAKER_02:That's what I'm saying. Gotta reactivate that shit and make it smell worse. Ugh. Just sit in a tub, fill it up, soak it, brush it off, fill it again, and then get some soap and yeah, gross.
SPEAKER_05:So so it's a rule of thumb in my house, and I I've never told my kids this full story, but I do make sure that they're well aware. that if it's a bathroom emergency and and they go whether or not the teacher said it was okay they will always they will I will always have their back on it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:If I find out they're abusing it, we got another fucking situation. If the teacher calls and says your kid got up and and just decided to go to the bathroom after I told him no and he came back smelling like an ashtray. You know my kid my uh my six year old watermelon ashtray my six year old's teacher's like 22 years old. And they look like kids and she demands that we call her Miss and then her last name. And I'm like I'm not fucking doing that. Like I'm not calling a 21 year old then what do you call her Miss Isler? I don't hey bitch. I refer to her as hey why okay okay that's way better that's hey hey hey hey hey that's my kid hey that's my kid doing that school hey like like her name's fucking Alison like I'm not going into my kids' school and being like Miss whatever the whatever with you want you miss sitting a little cheapers. I'm not saying hey Miss Isler's but why because she's she's only 22? Yeah who cares who cares half his age who cares who cares my respect is fucking earned Tony goes in class and teaching my kid how to spell cat is not that big of an accomplishment why is that respectful to call someone Miss the uh flinger whatever her last name is why is it why is that it's all respectful I'm just not doing it. You're weird you know I I find it off putting when when a kid calls me Mr Kavanaugh I don't like it.
SPEAKER_02:Well because you don't want to feel old yeah I don't think it's an age well take your glasses off first off you look fucking 60 yeah it's the look I'm going for.
SPEAKER_04:So my kid play uh is playing tackle football can't catch chicks with tits that drag on the ground if you don't look like you're 60.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah that was good my kid's playing tackle football he didn't feel good one day he's like I want to stay home mom but I don't feel good and I'm like we should probably just let him stay home uh and she's like oh he's gotta go he committed he's gotta go this sounds like you told me you'd make him go yeah but he didn't feel good and at uh football practice he shit his pants everywhere in front of all the whole team which kid the middle kid the middle kid that's bad news yeah and I think it's got a tough goal already and she felt terrible for him and I was like hey I didn't want to make her feel bad but I was like you know what I was right you should have listened to me he didn't feel good shouldn't have sent him who cares about him fucking going to he practices every single fucking day one day he's not gonna hurt he shit his pants and he actually had to he shit more he got to have no porter johns anywhere around where he's practicing they were like a hundred two hundred feet from the school he's gotta go he had to go in the fucking the the one of the coaches is like go in the woods he had to go in the woods and take his all of his stuff off his jock strap all that shit and shit in the woods gotta go gotta go but he already shit all over him it's just like damn that must have sucked yeah I didn't I haven't had it feel I never shivered I feel pretty blessed though I could touch my eyeball and not worry about from last podcast touch my eyeball and I I never had rash from pooping myself. Yeah I never had the pooping myself but I feel like that would be fucking terrible if you can't hold it you can't hold it what are you gonna do can't at this age I go to the bathroom yeah oh you already said if you don't go to shit before you go to work you get you're in a bad mood all day well it messes up the schedule but these sound like more emergency dumps that's a totally different you never had an emergency dump totally different ball game you've eaten some bad shit here before and you've been in that bathroom yeah yeah but not in my pants when have you ever not had a bathroom near you where you had to shit you're telling me and you're telling me you gotta know where the exits are you're telling me there's no you've always had a bathroom near you these three day hippie concerts you go to very regulated well they shit on the they shit on the ground next to their tent don't they no I mean some of them have to you know we've been pooped yeah someone's shit guaranteed someone's shit next to their tent you guys I don't know man the teachers though they make an impact is what I think the episode is about huh yeah I agree I think uh if someone has made an impact in your life you won't forget them ever until the day you die yeah especially when you shit yourself I mean you're never gonna forget that person for real especially and then I gotta run into her every year as an adult well she maybe she didn't know you shit her maybe she really didn't know do you ever go up to her and be like hi miss can I use the bathroom uh we're Facebook friends too which is even more weird how old is she now uh 40 she was younger than 20 63 something when you were a kid her first year out of high school noise noise thank you for listening this is our podcast and respect teachers and uh they gotta if you gotta go man just go just gotta go if you gotta go
