Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
What Do Our Tiny Habits Say About Us?
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
We spiral from wallet ergonomics to streaming guilt purchases, then land on the strangest one-dollar crutch story you’ll ever hear. Small habits, big consequences, and a lot of laughter as we test the line between convenience and chaos.
• why back pocket wallets wreck posture and necks
• pros and cons of smart wallets and AirTags
• labeling gear for kids and adults as control strategy
• the fall of entertainment centers and rise of invisible media
• buying movies twice to beat rentals and sleep
• Netflix credits quirks and bonus feature FOMO
• coins, banks, and the comedy of penny economics
• the penny cannon as satire of value
• panhandling, street hustles, and a wild Facebook coincidence
Back Pocket And Body Mechanics
SPEAKER_05Top Shelf Stories with Jay, Chris, and Tony. I don't put anything in my back pocket. Yeah, if you sit I don't remember, but there was a time in my life where I was just like, I'm not doing that anymore. The back pocket's stupid. Yeah, it's not, there's no point. Especially people who sit on their wallet, do you sit in your back pocket of your wallet? That's why your neck's fucked. Stop doing that shit. For real. How many hours, dude, in the car do you take it out and you get it? Yeah, take it out in my car.
SPEAKER_03Tony sits on a utility knife and it's a lot of times on his back.
SPEAKER_05That's a little different. It's like a rounded side.
Gadget Wallets And Adult Leashes
SPEAKER_03I filleted my fucking car side on the side open. It's rounded with a fucking razor blade attached to it without a mechanism that closes it. It's always opened. I live dangerously. Well, you do if you have if you have a wallet in your back pocket. Because first off, Chris told you, his chiropractic training tells you you can't. I mean, one cheek lifted up over a certain amount of time, your neck starts to bow, and then you get neck problems like you have now. Yeah, possibly. And you're sitting on a couch because of what happened to yours?
SPEAKER_05I thought your wallet was Tupperware.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, I got a new one. I got a new uh, it's called the Xster. I don't know why I sounded like a like a fucking slur. But uh you you click this little button here and then it brings all your cards out. You found you found that on Facebook advertising.
SPEAKER_05Why didn't you? Why do you need that to happen?
SPEAKER_03Uh it has a uh a built-in thing to hold my Apple um uh what's this thing called?
SPEAKER_05You lost your wallet, Tim.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so I don't lose my wallet.
SPEAKER_05That's like the grown it's like the grown man's version of your mom carrying you around on a leash. That's what that is. You know what you get them kids you see at the ball that are too wild and mom's too crazy to pay attention. They're on a leash. That's the adult leash.
SPEAKER_03Well, guess what? This one will tell you where exactly this leash kid has gone if they disappear on a map on your phone because I have the air tag in there.
SPEAKER_05So, where do you do you think the person who acquires your thing and wants to make it so you don't have it anymore doesn't know that that's a tab thing?
SPEAKER_02Don't talk to me about losing things when you put names on shit and thinking someone's gonna return it to your address.
SPEAKER_05I bought a it's a hundred dollar little handheld recorder thing. And I these guys are making fun of me because I put my name and phone number on it. We have one of them label makers at work, and I'm like, well, I'll just make a bunch of things. Are you just at home make it labels? No, I just like I want to use this label maker so bad. I did it at work. I saw I was in the work room and I'm like, all right.
SPEAKER_00Is it a digital label maker?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you just type it in and hit the button and it prints and you cut it, dude.
SPEAKER_00I'm not gonna lie, I got one of those two.
SPEAKER_05So I I've I made up like 15 of those with my name and my phone number on it, and I just plan on placing these stickers with my name and my phone number on it on things that I want to be mine. And then I'll be like, dude, that's mine, and they'll be like, no, it's not mine, it's got my name and my phone number on it.
SPEAKER_00Dude, I I totally make those for both of my children because all their shit for school needs to have their name and whatever on it. So I just print out a bunch of chases. You have your own. Yeah, I bought one.
SPEAKER_05It's a way to do it. There was actually two in the break room or whatever in the back room.
SPEAKER_00All their water bottles, notebooks, backpacks, fucking everything has a sticker on it.
SPEAKER_03My wife goes the old school way. She takes a black magic marker and fucking permanents it. Permanates it. Permanents it.
Entertainment Centers And Media Hoarding
SPEAKER_05So my old man used to do that, but with his CDs back in the day, he had to bring CDs to like parties. Like, hey, Pat, bring some of your music. And also Pat's mixtape. They'd all have a piece of scotch tape with his name written on it, and then another piece of scotch tape over the name so that it it wouldn't wear off. But also, if he ever sold the compact disc. We could take the scotch tape off. Oh, I'm sure they're still floating around. Did he sell them? They're probably still underneath his entertainment center that's built for a 37-inch tube TV or whatever the fuck he's got. I'm like, dude, get yourself a real TV. He's got like this Amish armoire as a TV center. It's not a TV stand.
SPEAKER_03I always thought I thought it was the weirdest thing ever when they called those things TV uh entertainment centers.
SPEAKER_01It's a fucking it's just a wooden fucking case for it.
SPEAKER_05Giant It's the center of all entertainment.
SPEAKER_01I know, but I just feel like there should be more electronics.
SPEAKER_00Back in the day, there was a compartment for your DVD player, a video, controller, center, all your all your the 200 disc CD changer. I had a 200 disc. And you needed you needed square footage for one of those, because you know how much room fucking 20 VHS tapes take up.
SPEAKER_05Well, back in the day too, they would have these things with speakers built in the sides of them too, as part of like the surround sound. Like there was a shelf for your center channels beaker.
SPEAKER_00No, I've never been to somebody's house that was that rich. Really? No.
SPEAKER_05Oh man.
SPEAKER_00Still sound like West Dallas problems.
SPEAKER_05Well, that the the wall thing is so you have so many VHS tapes that you get a wall cabinet for the VHS tapes. Spill over.
SPEAKER_03I got a I got one that uh a DVD one that, but it spins and it's wooden and it closes. Still up? No, I saw that. Oh, well, the just a case.
SPEAKER_05One of my best friends still collects DVDs. I was gonna ask if anyone knew anyone who still has compact and stuff like that. I have Blu-rays or DVDs? Digital video disks.
SPEAKER_00He has I want to say hundreds, but I I guarantee you it's thousands of DVDs. And they're worth probably 25 cents each. And and so me and this dude all summer long almost every Sunday we go to a flea market and we we walk this flea market, and that dude gets lost for hours in these fucking vagabonds selling DVDs for one dollar.
Buying Movies You Already Own
SPEAKER_03You know what? Okay, so I do have DVDs. I probably have like a hundred of them. And I will actually I won't even look for the like okay, so I'm on I'm I'm on Amazon and I want to watch this movie and I have to buy it because I can't.
SPEAKER_00I know you have the disc.
SPEAKER_03I have the disc, but I buy it anyway because I don't want to get the disc out. Put it in a DVD or in an Xbox or something.
SPEAKER_05There's something wrong with you, man.
SPEAKER_03I'll buy it again. You're fucking wrong. Sometimes I'll wait till it goes on sale for five, nine years.
SPEAKER_05There's something wrong with you, man.
SPEAKER_03Uh my wife gets she gets so angry angry when I do it. I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm the one buying it. She's like, take your money.
SPEAKER_00We have a VHS and a DVD copy of What About Bob. Stop buying it on Amazon. I only paid for a$4 rental on a movie you have six feet away from you.
SPEAKER_03Tony, wrong. I will never rent it. Always buy because you fall asleep watching a movie. I know. And you're fucked. Because you only got 24 hours left, or what you know, 10 hours left to watch it when you wake up.
SPEAKER_00One of my favorite movies just got released, uh, volume one and two on Netflix. Kill Bill.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. I got it. Netflix, eh?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I would have bought it. Even if it was on Netflix, I would still have it. See it on Netflix so you go over to Amazon so you can pay for it. Yeah, that's what I would do. Because you know, Netflix doesn't always it it'll go away eventually. But uh I st I started watching it Monday uh uh at like my night routine, like lay in bed, flip it on, or do the do the wait to go to sleep, do the sound. So now we're at Thursday, so four days of me trying to make it through one of my favorite movies. I've done that. And I think I'm like 40 minutes into it. I still have over an hour to go on volume one. Yeah, it's so the first five minutes of my my nighttime routine is fast forwarding to the last thing I remember.
SPEAKER_05That's ridiculous, dude.
SPEAKER_01I do the same exact thing, that's crazy, and you always know when you fall asleep, too. You're like, wait, I've seen this movie probably about a hundred times, but this is where I fell asleep two days ago.
SPEAKER_05Ridiculous, you guys. You guys are ridiculous.
SPEAKER_03I do that all the time too, usually with like Jaws or a longer movie or something. Dude, Kill Bill's such an amazing movie.
SPEAKER_00I haven't seen that forever. Maybe I'll buy that. Yeah. You should. I'm gonna buy it. Actually, I think if you buy them as a package on Amazon, you'll get a better deal on them.
SPEAKER_03Well, not only that, I'll get I'll get like bonus content where Netflix doesn't have it. Yeah. Do you ever notice that? Netflix, they shut you down right after the credits.
SPEAKER_05Dude.
Netflix Quirks And Sleepy Rewatches
SPEAKER_03Fucking Amazon gives you all the bonus content where you can watch. You guys are making me pissed. Like you're making me angry.
SPEAKER_05So kid.
SPEAKER_00Can you guys answer me something? I don't know if this happens with your guys' Netflix. Jay, you do watch Netflix, right? I usually don't watch it. Or do you just go there for ideas to buy on Amazon?
SPEAKER_03I actually don't watch on Netflix at all. I don't know. I just I got sick of Netflix. After we, you know, we were we were rating shit on Netflix all the time. I got I got sick of it.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Okay, anyway, go what? So whenever I finish something up on Netflix now and the credits come on, they're always foreign. Huh? Is is this like a normal thing? I don't know anything about it. Who watches the credits? I just noticed when they come on, like they're all right away, immediately like yesterday.
SPEAKER_05Maybe your closed caption settings and your TV settings are set to a foreign language, but you never turn them on. But at the end of these movies, they're like, oh yeah. This is this guy, yeah. This guy wants it in Chinese here. Or maybe it's because you gave your credit card to somebody from India over the phone. I don't know.
SPEAKER_03Wait, are you using someone else's Netflix account? No, just mine.
SPEAKER_05No, uh yeah. So the words, everything that's typed out area.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's like it'll be like all in Russian, like weird fucking combinations of vowels and consonants that don't make sense and like little dots over some letters, and it's a whole thing.
SPEAKER_05Did you forget to tape one of the cameras within your own?
SPEAKER_00Nah.
SPEAKER_05Because I think maybe they're spying on you and they're thinking wires are crossed now.
Double Purchases And Money Habits
SPEAKER_03You really want me? I'm gonna make you mad now, okay? I have multiples of movies bought on Amazon because I forgot that I bought it and I forgot to look through it. Because when you buy something, it's an order of when you purchased it. So I forgot I bought it, and I've bought movies before. So I have doubles of probably about five movies only, only five. And I call I call I call Amazon. I already had this movie.
SPEAKER_05I'm gonna do a financial overhaul in your life where you give me all of your stuff, and then I do a financial overhaul of your life.
SPEAKER_01Where do you want to start?
SPEAKER_05And then I ask you after three weeks if you've even noticed what I've done for you. Like if it's even any different. I tell you what, I think that's ridiculous, dude. You're silly. I waste too much money, I'm dumb. You throw pennies on the ground. Yeah, those are that's insanity.
SPEAKER_03I think that's normal. I think it's a normal thing. I think everyone does that. I've seen someone do that before, too. And actually, that's how I got the idea of throwing it on the ground. Saw someone walking out of a store and that's how I bought my I bought my Volkswagen with just now. If you kept those pennies, you went to uh one of those machines that traded in for money, they charge you a percentage.
SPEAKER_05Don't go to those machines. That'd be like one of the that would be one of the things that I would help you out with to save money.
Pennies, Banks, And Questionable Frugality
SPEAKER_00You just go to a bank. You know what I do with my pennies? They'd be so mad at you. I just let them stockpile up, and then if I'm going through like a McDonald's drive-thru to get a sprite. You throw it at them? No. Oh, you put it in the children's and the lines kind of long, and I'm just sitting there waiting. However long I'm waiting in line, that's how many pennies I count out to pay for my sprite. So I'll get up to like 43 pennies, and then I'll make up the rest of it with my silvers.
SPEAKER_03You know what would be actually a better idea? Is if you did actually keep your pennies and they had some type of gun that shot pennies out. Well it's can is this possible to penny cannon? Penny cannon. That like that name too.
SPEAKER_05What are you gonna do with it?
SPEAKER_03I don't know. Then I won't throw them on the ground.
SPEAKER_05Self-defense?
SPEAKER_03No, just shoot shit out.
SPEAKER_00I don't shoot them in a drywall to shoot a penny out, like unless you just want it to fall out the front. Like it's gonna do some damage. Like pennies are yeah. I mean, then it will be worth keeping the penny. You're probably right. Don't you think so? Yeah, loading up clips. Oh, instead of clips, it'll just accept them rolls that you get at the pen. You just jam it in the bottom.
unknownThe paper rolls.
The Penny Cannon Brainstorm
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Yeah, you gotta like bite into it and start the rip and then jam it in there.
SPEAKER_00And then at old people's bingo night, you hear them banging them on the edge of the counter to break them in half.
SPEAKER_03I dude, I think it'd be a great idea, but we get to figure out what can shoot a penny in an accuracy that will, you know, hit a target at least 20 feet away. 20 feet? Yeah. I mean, what do you think? It's a pretty long way away. I mean, it's it's aerodynamic, but when it hits the This is I thought this is a carjacking self-defense tool.
SPEAKER_05Now you're trying to hit people at 20 feet. Sounds like you're driving by.
SPEAKER_03Fine.
SPEAKER_00When someone trying to pay for your McDonald's really, really fast.
SPEAKER_04Stick them up. I got my penny cannon.
SPEAKER_00Gets home. Man, I almost got carjacked, but I peppered them with like 30 cents for pennies.
SPEAKER_03You know what I'll do is I'll do when those guys come out with the cardboard next to your truck when you're at the at the red light, you come out with the penny gun.
SPEAKER_04What the fuck do you want? You can just hang your head out and be like, hey bro, just stand there. I got you.
SPEAKER_01We get shotgun penny ones that fucking shoot out like 60 of them at a time. You'll have to fucking chase them for the next 20 minutes.
SPEAKER_00Speaking of giving people shit at uh red lights holding signs. Yeah. I seen this uh video the other day. It was so fucking funny to me, man. I don't know why. It was just a dude driving and he gets to the light, and there's somebody standing in the media, and he goes, Hey man, I got you. Come over here. The guy walks over to his car and he reaches into a fucking paper shopping bag and he just pulls out a fucking fish. Just uh like a market full fish in the market.
SPEAKER_05Like a ready-to-be-smoked, I got you, man.
SPEAKER_00Here's your fish, and he puts fucking dead fish in the guy's hand. The guy looks at him so fucking confused and he goes, Alright, man, have a good day. Fucking drives off.
Panhandlers, Fish Gags, And Street Economics
SPEAKER_05I'm like, I don't know why this was so fucking well because if you give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Yeah. Um but if you uh cook it.
SPEAKER_03No, I know, but that's the funny part. They all have bonfires. Oh, that's true. Yeah, but it's gonna taste like plastic and fucking probably.
SPEAKER_05I saw a man in the middle of the road carrying what appeared to be a bag full, a shop like a shopping grocery bag full of brass doorknobs. And I knew there were brass doorknobs because the shopping bag had just decided to rip it. There were like 30, 40 brass doorknobs on the ground, and a guy was picking through them. Dude, that the fuck did I see? I didn't understand it. Okay, so brass is expensive to make sure. I'm sure that's why he was carting them around. But then when the bag broke, I bet you he started going through and I'm being like, wait a minute, this isn't worth anything. These are just cheap ones or some shit.
SPEAKER_00Oh the craziest thing is one of my best friends, uh you guys actually both know him. I seen I seen his wife's dad panhandling. Can we can we can you say his name? No. So we know what you're talking about. No, I don't want to because they listen. He's from the camper. They listen, so I don't want to say it. But I seen I seen their uh father-in-law panhandling with a side looking for change, and I know I know this guy pretty decently well. Wait, you're talking about me? And I I still didn't give him any fucking money. I felt like shit for like a week. I'm like, man, dude, that's my homie. I should have gave him a dollar or something. Well, you're really gonna get a little bit more. So instead, I just instead I just rolled my window up and locked my door.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I seen I was driving home from work yesterday two days ago, or yes, it was two days ago, I think. And there was a guy with a sign with his wife in a chair and his two kids. That's pretty pathetic. It's like dude, I seen him there like two or three times before, too.
The One-Dollar Crutch And Facebook Twist
SPEAKER_00The the craziest, the craziest panhandler story I I know of. So I was driving and I was over by Miller Park, and it's not the best area over there. A lot of panhandlers. There was a guy standing in the median, really rough-looking dude, early 50s, and he was holding a crutch, a single crutch, and there he his cardboard sign said one dollar. So he was selling a crutch for a dollar, and a median, and I guess kind of a shitty neighborhood. So I took a picture of the guy, like obviously. He was selling it, you know. He was selling a crutch for a dollar. It's worth more than a dollar. So I posted this picture on Facebook, and I said, Hey, if you have a broken leg and you only have one crutch, come see my guy on 43rd and Lincoln. He's got another crutch for a great deal. So the next day I get a private message. Get out of here. You fucking lying. No. Fuck is this? This is fucking provable.
SPEAKER_05This is why I got off Facebook.
SPEAKER_00This is provable. This is why I got off Facebook. So my mom's half-sister, who lives in West Virginia. Get the fuck out of here. She wanted you to mail that crutch. Sends me a message that said, Oh my god, that's my brother. Oh, I thought she's who I haven't seen in 40 years. Come on. What? And she goes, I'm glad he's doing okay. This is fucking true. I'll go get my phone and go back and messenger and show you.
SPEAKER_05He's doing okay, meaning he's still alive and he has wares to sell. He has a job. Full time.
SPEAKER_00Full time. And he's explaining it to you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Wow. That is random.
SPEAKER_00So I can Facebook verify this from like eight years ago.
Memory Gaps And Spiraling Tangents
SPEAKER_05It's almost even more random that your mom's you said half half-sister saw your post. Like, I get it, she's probably friends with your mom, and maybe with you. But like your lines of of overlap of interests and needs and geographics and everything, it wouldn't cross timelines.
SPEAKER_03Tony doesn't post much. So no, I think the fact that him posting something randomly caught her attention.
SPEAKER_00That's pretty wild, man. That shit came that shit came up in my memories like a couple weeks ago. That's crazy. And I was thinking about reposting it. But I don't know. Dude, the fucked up thing about it is my mom's stepsister half-sister didn't even know that, like, because I worded it politely, that I was talking shit about this guy. Right. She's just like, Oh, thank you for taking a picture of my brother and proving that he's still alive.
SPEAKER_03So she thought that you knew it was her I I think so.
SPEAKER_05Like you're like, hey, this this guy. I'm trying to help him sell it.
SPEAKER_00Uh what made okay, so you don't like this dude told me he was gonna give me a commission. I could help him flip this crotch.
SPEAKER_03So you don't get you you don't you don't post much. What what so maybe something inside of you you know fucking what is what is that?
SPEAKER_05That like uh what show is that?
SPEAKER_03That's the the fucking I don't know. You're talking the Twilight Zone? Twilight Zone, Jesus Christ, I can't think of anything. Twilight Zone shit right there, dude. With little to no you just know what I'm thinking like context.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you speak good, Jay. I know exactly what you're trying to say. Tony knows what yeah.
Meta Moment And Cold Open Close
SPEAKER_03I think because I started it off and then you just knew where you just knew I was going. My brother does that all the time, but actually he does it more than me not remembering shit. You know, it's the Xanax and shit, you know. It's just fuck, it's it's fucks up your mind. Yeah, you just can't remember things slightly. Like I forget you guys' names sometimes. That's why I never say anything, but other than hey, what's up, bruh? What's up, dude? What's up, dude? Tony? Fair enough. Yeah? Alright, well, that was fun.
SPEAKER_00You guys want to record an episode now?
SPEAKER_03That's gonna be uh let's get started. It's just gonna be uh enjoy the show. Wild episode. Let me stop it and start it again.
