Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Finding the Sweet Spot: The Joy of Golf
Three friends reflect on their complicated relationship with golf, from childhood obsessions to adult misadventures and the unexpected joys found in a sport that's simultaneously frustrating and addictive.
• Tony recounts learning golf at age 12 with his friend Jeff, playing endless rounds at a par-three course called Zoblocky
• Golf took a backseat when teenage interests emerged, but returned as an adult social activity
• After a 14-year hiatus, Tony's anxiety about returning to golf led to practice sessions at local driving ranges
• Jay reveals his surprising golf skills despite using mismatched clubs and an unconventional approach
• Don shares a disastrous golf outing story involving his extremely intoxicated father-in-law
• The hosts discuss infamous golf tournaments, including a controversial strip club-sponsored event
• The group debates the true costs of golf as a hobby and ways to enjoy it without breaking the bank
• The episode concludes with plans to organize their own Top Shelf Stories golf outing
Top Shelf Stories with J, chris and Tony. Today I want to talk about the greatest game there is find the wiener the greatest game there is some.
Speaker 2:Some would call it golf.
Speaker 1:Are you guys golfers? I recently went golfing two Saturdays ago, played 18 at the Broadlands Before that?
Speaker 3:when did you golf last?
Speaker 2:Two years ago I went twice, I didn't go at all last year. So here's the deal I found golf when I was about 12 years old. You found golf when I was about 12 years old. You found I found actually.
Speaker 1:You discovered golf similar to the way Jay discovered ranch dressing dipped items.
Speaker 2:That's not true. Golf found me, yeah.
Speaker 3:You know how golf was invented? That's actually a very thing you should just know. Back in the day, scotlandott's guys, they used to think. They used to think about what's the best sport to play. They, you're the longest away from your wife. Let's find the smallest holes, the smallest balls and the furthest way to to hit, to get those balls in, to get away from our wives.
Speaker 1:That's all golf so they invented a game where you smack a ball 300 yards down to try to nail it into a cup.
Speaker 3:The size of your fist.
Speaker 2:I didn't say exactly nicely and perfectly, but yes hmm, so scotland, it's really exactly what it is so when I was about 12 years old, I I had this really good friend uh named jeff was it geoff or jeff?
Speaker 1:it was jeff, so it was j-e-F-F, not G-E-O-F-F.
Speaker 2:No, I wouldn't be friends with somebody with a G, would you?
Speaker 1:pronounce it Geoff or Jeff. I think it's Geoff. I'd be confused. Yeah, Would you call it Geoff or?
Speaker 3:Jeff, If I saw it without knowing it, I'd be like Geoff.
Speaker 1:Geoff, so like a totally different. Okay, geoff.
Speaker 2:All right, like a totally different. Okay, joff. All right, I'm gonna run that. Okay, go on. So, jeff and you. So. Jeff's dad was obsessed with golf. He's obsessed with two things I remember it vividly golf and ren and stimpy oh, ren and stimpy was good stuff back in the day, those two things were uh, this is jeff's dad's, you know the?
Speaker 3:same guy that does Brandon's voice does Stimpy's voice.
Speaker 1:When Jeff's dad was Jeff's dad was he like super old, but when you're looking back and actually did the math right now, he was like 28 years old.
Speaker 2:Yeah pretty much, pretty much. He was the only adult I ever met that liked cartoons.
Speaker 3:That became a thing.
Speaker 1:Dude, Red and Stimpy wasn't an adult cartoon that was the age that was in the dawning age, I imagine at least, and butthead 12 didn't watch.
Speaker 3:Beavis, this was 30 years ago.
Speaker 1:This was in the dawning age of the cartoon network. Yeah, I bet your cartoon network is 30 years old. I'm looking it up.
Speaker 2:I think it might be more so, uh, jeff's dad used to take us golfing all the time, to the point where most of my summer involved golfing probably two, three times a week.
Speaker 3:So did you guys golf with a cart or did you walk it? No, we couldn't have a cart.
Speaker 2:You walked the shit we had to walk.
Speaker 1:Ooh, you walked.
Speaker 2:I guess you were 12. We didn't have a choice, we were 12.
Speaker 1:Were you playing nine or just? You were probably just playing the like–.
Speaker 2:Well, so most common was a course called Zoblocky, which is yeah a county park tour Small nine-hole par three. Everything's par three. Everything's par three Yep, it's a super fun.
Speaker 1:Well, that means like you'd have like a hundred you gotta be accurate.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're all like a hundred 70 to like 130 yard, 150 yard holes it's a it's a great little course and we would, we would uh, play it. When would we? When we get to nine, we would just like dart, oh, back over to two and we'd sit and play that fucking course all day so like like watching two movies at once when you laid paid for one yeah, well, we were 12 years old we didn't have fucking money, fucking bitch, but uh, then.
Speaker 2:Then we started uh doing tournaments, so we would do at least one tournament a month so how'd you, how'd you do in those tournaments? Not terrible, like I wasn't amazing or anything, but I I held my own and I was I was technically. I'm sure you could find in some kind of record I was a ranked golfer when I was like 13 and 14, really, um, and I didn't even have my own clubs. I'd borrow jeff's dad's extra clubs, huh, um, you know, because I was poor and golf clubs were expensive and are still expensive.
Speaker 3:They used to well, when I go off I only use three clubs, but you know, when you normally go off, there's like what? Nine, ten?
Speaker 1:why do you only use three? It's hard to find juniors. They're all up high, jay, up high oh sorry I like they're all hollow plastic.
Speaker 3:I like my three clubs and I I don't deter from them uh it's not a bad strategy.
Speaker 1:Actually, you just shorten your swing or whatever.
Speaker 3:Yes, exactly, it's not a bad strategy I like to play every club in the bag but I don't know every club because I don't golf all the time.
Speaker 2:So when I hit about 14, 14 and a half, something like that that was around the time I seen my first titty. And I was like golf is fucking stupid.
Speaker 1:Was it your wife's? Yeah, you didn't get any titty in golf.
Speaker 2:No, it was actually my babysitter's, you're not getting any titty in golf.
Speaker 1:Is it the one that raped you? The?
Speaker 3:one that raped me.
Speaker 2:No big deal.
Speaker 3:Put this in your mouth and suck it.
Speaker 2:So then when I became an adult, when I was in my mid-20s, I started going golfing. I had a couple friends that were into golf and I started going on occasion, you know once, twice a summer Okay, just out having fun. And then a couple of my other friends got into golf and then I started working for this guy named Ray, and Ray only opened his business so that he could have more time to golf.
Speaker 1:So with customers or whatever. Just whatever now actually working, having someone else do the work he golfed five days a week, no matter what.
Speaker 2:If it was, if it was, uh, if the grass was green, he was playing golf. That's insane. And he used to have uh work outings a couple times a year, maybe four times a year. Those are the best. Yeah, they, um, he'd have like two outings where the whole shop would be there and then you know, like, if you finished up a job early or something, you you might go out with them or something like that. But, uh, we used to golf. I felt pretty regularly when we worked for ray, it was just, that was his thing. That's what he did. Everything he did was based around that. We'd go to different courses. It's great, um, and I've always been, through this whole time, a proficient golfer Not great, but not bad. I could golf twice a year and do almost as good as the people that golfed all the fucking time.
Speaker 3:How many balls would you lose in an 18-holer?
Speaker 2:At certain times in my life, maybe one, yeah, certain times in my life, maybe like six.
Speaker 3:I just did a golf outing not too long ago. I lost 28 balls.
Speaker 2:That makes sense, that actually checks out. It's a lot.
Speaker 3:I was like you know what If someone's got?
Speaker 1:a better shot. I think I went through six balls when I did 18 you guys play like 50 holes when someone's got a better shot.
Speaker 3:I didn't want to look for my ball. Yeah, let's go to that fucking ball. That makes sense I didn't care.
Speaker 2:So, uh, I stopped working for ray in 2011. End of summer 2011. I know that that summer I golfed probably five times, um, and then I was like, well, now I'm starting my own business, so I'll have plenty of time for golf of course, because you're old.
Speaker 3:That was actually the last time I golfed so so it's been, you know, 14 years since I golfed I even asked you to golf with me a couple times.
Speaker 2:You're like yeah, because I haven't done it so long, I'm like I'd be weird. Yeah, you're probably way better than me, so, um, I get invited for like the last five years to this same golf outing every year what's it for I?
Speaker 2:I don't go. What's it for? Why don't you go? Uh floor covering association of wisconsin. I'll go with you. Can you bring a partner? Well, so I get asked every year I I never go. And this year I got asked to go on somebody's uh sponsored foursome like you added to the, you added to the three people yeah, so I wasn't gonna go, but the other person of my four one of the three other people was my brother okay?
Speaker 3:and I'm like, I'm like all right.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe I'll do that, because I know my brother's gonna suck, so I won't feel so fucking stupid everybody sucks and hopefully we get two other decent golfers did this already happen yeah, it happened.
Speaker 3:Okay, it's last week you didn't fucking tell me about that. Actually, I don't even talk to you, I don't know.
Speaker 2:So I just thought like it would be a good idea for me to go to the driving range before this. Try to remember how to stand all this shit. So we go to one of these fucking Practicing always sucks, we go to one of these.
Speaker 1:You wear yourself out Huge fucking driving range to one of these practicing always sucks, we go to one of these wear yourself out, huge fucking driving range which one, like the tower ones where you stack up on rack and it's in the chains. Where is it at?
Speaker 2:we went to the rock. Okay, dude, did you get there?
Speaker 3:did you get to the? Did you get to the third level?
Speaker 2:we. We got put on the second level, dude I I've been there so many times.
Speaker 3:I've always wanted to get to the next level.
Speaker 2:They always tell me you can't even if you fucking make a reservation, there's a height restriction the ladder you gotta reach up on the ladder and he can't reach up on the ladder so fucking dick. So we go there, they put us on the second level and I go to hit my first golf ball in 14 years and perfectly straight 216 yards.
Speaker 1:No, it wasn't.
Speaker 2:I actually did really, really bad and I was I'm so confused, deathly afraid. It's like a crippling fear of heights. It's like 10 feet high, that's 10 more feet than I want to be. Uh, there's a, there's a giant net in front of you not I could not pay attention to what the fuck I was doing. Oh wow, I was so worried about fucking falling off of it.
Speaker 3:I just saw I just saw a video of a guy golfing or something like that. He fell and got caught in the net his leg was stuck in the net.
Speaker 2:That was actually on happy gilmore too, and that was john lovitz. That was in a movie.
Speaker 3:Oh shit, that's in a movie, yeah that's right, it's happy it wasn't online. Um, oh wow, it was in a movie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right, it's how they go up there. It wasn't online, um, oh wow, it was in a fake movie. So, uh, yeah, I, I was terrified and I did really, really, really fucking bad and I'm like this golf outing is going to be the longest day of my fucking life if I'm hitting balls like this.
Speaker 1:It's different on the course, man so I decide to go yeah, 100. So I decide to go to one more driving range, so you spent the whole time up there hacking away, thinking you're going to fall off the ledge. I was three and a half feet away from you Just terrified, so you didn't say hey, ma'am, I have a disability. It's that I can't manage the fact that I'm 12 feet in the air. Can I move to the first floor? Didn't even think of it, Dude the first floor.
Speaker 1:Didn't even think of it. Dude the first floor. Hey ma'am, can I go to room 101 instead?
Speaker 2:of 201. I was just wondering if there were any harnesses that I could tie off on like like one of those retractable ones you gotta wear on fork trucks.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that is bullshit.
Speaker 1:That you got to the second floor and I could never get there and there's so many times, so I decided I want to be there yeah, I know that's fucked up well, I'm calling management, maybe you should wear thicker soles in your shoes. I'm calling management, so I decided you bring your own clubs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I did I always use the range clubs, bro, and when I pulled so my garage, my garage is all cabinetry so I got this, this tall cabinet, that that you can like hang shit in, and that's where my clubs have been since I moved into this house and I pulled them out and there were so many cobwebs with those little box elder bugs stuck to them, sure they. I actually had to hit the clubs with a leaf blower before I could even take them out in public. But uh, we go, so we leave there. I did fucking terrible and I this was like a week and a half before the outing and I was like I was like I am really really fucking nervous about how fucking bad this is gonna be.
Speaker 2:Now it doesn't even make sense, to me care you, don you even care.
Speaker 3:You don't have to be good. It's one of these Partners are good, let them be good, and that's the other thing.
Speaker 1:It's an outing though, like everyone there, is just there, so they're not at work and can have two free beers and a free lunch.
Speaker 3:No dude, Because Tony always wants to be the one that's holding everything up. It was probably you don't have to hold it, just hit it yeah, it was probably a scramble and then run to the next ball but I didn't know what it was gonna be.
Speaker 2:I haven't been to a fucking outing they're all scrambles they're always scrambles.
Speaker 3:You cannot have an outing without it being a screen.
Speaker 2:It takes too long well, I didn't know how big the outing was going to be either. It might be 30 people, it might be, 300 people Stop getting defensive, okay, go so. I'm just saying I didn't know really what this outing was going to be Terrible, anxiety crippling.
Speaker 1:Now you're like 40 feet in the air and you're on the ground. You don't know how to golf. What happened? I can't figure this out.
Speaker 2:I can't of this thing. I don't know what the fuck. Can you at least drive a cart? I pass by, or do you ride? I walk, but I can't believe you would go. Still the whole time.
Speaker 3:Tony, I can't believe you would go to the rock to drive when it's not an actual driving range. It's more for games.
Speaker 1:No, you practice your swing and stuff.
Speaker 3:That's where my brother goes so that's a place where you play games.
Speaker 2:So I passed by this little like shithole driving range.
Speaker 3:This little like that's where you went first.
Speaker 2:I passed by it on my way home most days, so I'm like I'll just stop there one time and I buy this fucking enormous bucket of balls from a like 14 year old boy and a 17 year old girl behind the counter cash only yep cash pays they sell gatorades and miller light that's it fantastic, dude um, and you can hit from real grass.
Speaker 2:Yep, they got t-boxes if you want to use those. So I grabbed this gigantic bucket of balls and I'm like, all right, I'm going club to club, the club, and I'm gonna figure out what I need to do on this. So I take four or five shots at my driver and then it starts coming back to me okay, I need to stand forward on this, I need to have my club, I need to be off centered a little bit.
Speaker 2:Boom, I start fucking hitting them dead straight into the cornfield tony has his phone next to with a fucking golf tee with the youtube analyzer youtube I'm telling him no what to do as you're swinging, driving the ball oh, okay, when I, when I was young, um, there would be like whatever professionals or whatever, like the club pros or whatever at these courses. I would go to, yeah, and they would go hit balls with you and they'd tell you and I remember one guy said like you have an established swing, like you need to figure out what to do to make your swing work, instead of trying to change what you're going to do, because he's like it's just going to be fucked up if you try to change it. He's like your swing's like good enough, you just got to figure out where you need to be.
Speaker 3:Now, when you watch someone swinging a ball golfing, usually they have a nice dance, nice swing. When you see someone that doesn't know really know what they're doing, it looks kind of weird. Choppy, yeah, so are you a choppier? No, are you like a nice swinger? No, I got, I got a beautiful swing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my mind's a chop to shit like I like I'm chopping wood okay so I I took that bucket of balls and I started running through and I figured out where I needed to be on most of my clubs and started doing really fucking good. And and then finally I was like all right, I'm good enough to go to this outing now.
Speaker 1:Like I'm not. You have like 16 balls and no, I hit them all I'm like, I'm like, I'm not, I'm done, fuck the rest of these balls. I know what I'm doing now I'm like I'm the bucket leaves a half, a half lemonade, half uh iced tea he dumps out his sprite.
Speaker 2:He dumps out his sprite, I'm ready so I'm like all right, I think I think I got it down good enough where I'm not going to be embarrassed, I'm not going to be hitting a fucking ball on other fairways, shit like that. So I'm like all right, I'm all good. So my brother calls me up, like the next day. He's like. He's like hey, bro, I need to hit the driving range one more time before this outing. And I'm like all right.
Speaker 1:So I take chase with me my 12 year old do you take him to this hogadunk place on the corner?
Speaker 2:no, we went to a driving range at an actual golf course because we we were going to go to just a driving range but I was like, well, I'd like it to have a green there that we can putt around on most driving ranges have a putting and chipping sorta okay, but patrick crass is the whole fucking green.
Speaker 3:I mean yeah you don't got a putting.
Speaker 2:Putting shit on the rock, I take, uh, I take chase and I run through how to swing a club with them and all this shit and he, he does fucking terrible what do you expect the first time?
Speaker 3:why are you bringing? Him there if you're, if you want to practice no, exactly he.
Speaker 2:He does fucking terrible. It's exactly what I expected out of a 12-year-old who's never swung a golf club, but every 10 balls he's getting a hold of one and hitting it 55 yards. Yeah, he's just swinging With the driver, that's it. Yeah, like yeah, nothing, nothing good.
Speaker 3:He hit nothing over 100 yards Quick story Two kids, one's 9, one's 12 bring him to that rock thing you talked about could never get below above the first floor. My kids fucking the first time. Nine-year-old hit a fucking 70 yards. First hit, yeah, the left-hander. 12-year-old hit like 80, but consistently. After one after the other, 80, 80, 80. I'm like what the fuck? What am I doing wrong?
Speaker 2:go ahead, don go ahead, uh so he does terrible, but is the most excited about this of anything he's ever done in his life. He's hitting the ball. It's fucking rolling in front of him 80 yards. He's jumping in the air screaming it's my pb, it's my pb, dad. Did you see that?
Speaker 3:it's my personal best.
Speaker 2:Oh god, I hate when people say that and uh, he's so fucking stoked on this and ever since that day I've had him ask me over 2,000 times to go back to the driving range so that we could golf.
Speaker 3:Thanks Dad for never taking me after those 2,000 times.
Speaker 2:Thanks, how you ever taken them, and just at one time. Yeah, it's only as only a week, so two thousand?
Speaker 3:he asked you two thousand times in a week bro.
Speaker 2:He asked me 15 times that day because we got back from the driving range at like six o'clock. It's not going to be dark for another two hours. Can we go back? Yeah?
Speaker 3:yeah, but when my kids hit it bad and I'm sure you have the same thing happen they get fucking pissed he wasn't getting mad at all.
Speaker 2:They're doing a happy gilmore slam on the ground with the club.
Speaker 1:Well, because it's not their clubs I'm pretty sure they would do that with their own clubs.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they would do that with their own clubs. You think so?
Speaker 1:Oh fuck yeah, because they didn't pay for them, I would have bought them. Okay, golf. I don't know where to start with this, but my first good job that I liked and worked my ass off at to be the best at always was the golf range. I worked at a golf range. Wow, I would hit probably 300 balls a day, five at a time every 15 minutes so you're good and I would hit all different clubs.
Speaker 1:So you're good, but I would be doing it with jean shorts and flip-flops, taking those off and doing it barefoot.
Speaker 3:I mean just wearing jean shorts alone. This is when I was in high school. It's a mistake.
Speaker 1:Now I wear cargoes because that's cool now.
Speaker 1:I think, but so I have an actual decent and so then I became friends with like the golf pros. I worked there for like three years, came friends with the golf pros, the tour guys that would come through all the fucking and I would let the old men give me tips, the other ladies give me the whole thing. We participated in everything I could. Got to be pretty good at chipping the ball and under the green from 75 yards almost every single time, consistently, always. And then it was got good at driving and I hit shit clubs, always the shit range clubs, whatever people would forget there, and all that kind of shit. So whenever anyone asked me to go golfing I don't particularly enjoy golfing, actually I think it takes too fucking long and it's like it's always like whatever, whatever. But I enjoy it not a little bit. Well a whatever, whatever, but I enjoy it a little bit.
Speaker 3:Well a part about golfing is the fact that it takes long. Like I just told you the reason why golf was made was the reason for it being long.
Speaker 1:The golf outings are great because those are fun, those are like an event. But the golf outings are the best, too, because you play. What happens is these guys all show up in their golf shit because they're fucking serious and they got the newest clubs and the coolest bags and the gloves on and the pants with the shoes and they got their pluckers for when they divot and they got their everything right the rags, all the tour balls.
Speaker 2:I got all that shit.
Speaker 1:Fucking heads on their golf clubs could fucking whack an airplane into flight Like they're everything. My bag of sticks. It comes from a garage sale that didn't sell. Left in the house after it's sold. My friend tried to sell them on Facebook marketplace for free, if you come get them, and he dropped them off at my house. Yeah, and those golf outings. We use my ball like 70% of the time in the course of your clubs.
Speaker 1:We use my ball because I'm always the best ball. Oh, your ball. Okay, I got you. But I do have a lot of inconsistently because I don't play very often, but I do rather enjoy fooling these goons. I'll literally play with no shoes on for this back nine it's bad, but they don't. I, I'm good at it. I got. I went to the broadlands. I shot a uh t shot on this par three.
Speaker 3:Got myself within like 18 inches of the hole, putted it in nice fucking birdie tony, that's where the nice comes, and do it nice nice, but so my retirement plan?
Speaker 1:my first job was the golf range you want that to be your last I'm going to have a golf range is my retirement. I want to get a piece of land that's on the outskirts of some city and that city will grow into my golf range and eventually someone will buy my land for way too much money, and then that's when I will just be dead or whatever.
Speaker 3:Golfing is like a sunrise or sunset. It's like you just relax in the open and you slowly hit the ball and then you watch it float.
Speaker 1:But it's an incredibly expensive hobby to have.
Speaker 3:Incredibly expensive. No, it is. You just told me, you got free clubs. How's that?
Speaker 1:expensive Because I'm not normal. Everyone else has everything.
Speaker 3:No, trust me. And then the greens fees.
Speaker 1:We used a coupon and we had buy one, get one free.
Speaker 3:I don't spend shit on my stuff. I find things the beers were like $9 on the holes. I think we drank four or five of them. Suckers Well, they don't drink beer.
Speaker 1:You're not supposed to eat Gatorades and shit.
Speaker 3:I found half my clubs going through a route or an 18-holer.
Speaker 1:Lost and found yeah route or uh, yeah, no yeah, in elementary school they were on the hole.
Speaker 3:Someone left it. I just fuck it. I needed right.
Speaker 2:I need a wedge and, like I said before, I only use three clubs yeah, when I, when I used to be and I use this term loosely but mildly- serious, I'm not actually that good.
Speaker 2:I thought you I thought you're gonna say gay. There was this place called uh willow run. It's now called the piwaki country club, but it's right next to that big country springs water park, sure, um, we used to go there, I feel like every couple weeks, because after 5 pm, 18 holes with a cart was uh like 14 and it was wonderful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 3:That's just you racing through the course now until dark it doesn't matter if you're using one cart, both of you, of your, of you and the person in your cart have to pay for the cart. Yeah, it's fucked, it's the same price.
Speaker 1:They won't let you walk. They won't let you walk the courses either. You gotta pay for the cart. Yeah whatever, and they make both of you pay, but they won't give you two carts, because that's what I asked. I'm like because we went, me and my buddy went, this shot 18 and we had to get a cart. And he's like, yeah, I had to pay for both of us for a cart. I'm like, well, where's my cart? He's like, no, they only give you one card I'm like well, what?
Speaker 1:what if we pretend like we don't know each other and we just like like what do you mean?
Speaker 3:I, I don't want to, so there's a local radio station in our city called Bob and Brian. It's called the Bob and Brian Open. They've been doing it for 30 years. I did it with my father-in-law, my brother-in-law and then one of the workers I work with. Anyway, it's one of those things where it's a big fucking deal. It's like $200, $300 a person. You get all this free shit.
Speaker 1:Every single hole has like a something, something going on like I met chris farley's brother I think it's tom farley at one of these because he lives in our, uh, wisconsin.
Speaker 3:yeah, he lives in madison. I don't know. I don't know where he lives, but it's a huge deal and there's fucking, there's newscasts, there's fuck. They do the radio station there and it's a huge thing. And when I did it I was with my father-in-law and he got wasted, so we were at about the sixth hole and he is kind of hunched over, almost falling out of the cart as I'm driving.
Speaker 1:By the sixth hole. This is like an hour in not even yeah, not even.
Speaker 3:And we're talking like 9.30 in the morning and at this point I'm like, oh fuck, he can't even hit the ball. So basically he's just sitting in the car going from hole to hole. So we're at the ninth hole and he is vomiting in the back behind me, all over our clubs. Great, just a stream of vomit in my uh brother-in-law's uh falling behind us. He's like hey, there's something, come out of your cart. It's fucking weird and chunky, did you see? Because you can't. You can't see him because the gulf, the bags are stacked behind.
Speaker 3:He's like hey, there's something come out of your cart. It's fucking weird and chunky, gross, because you can't see him, because the bags are stacked behind the cart and you can just see stuff spraying out of your cart. And it was not like water, it was chunky, oh my gosh. So I got in trouble, so I had to take him off the entire course, drive him somewhere else. I drove him away from the the course and I wait for uh ambulance not ambulance, but like just to make sure he was okay. It wasn't because it was a warm day, you know, he could be. They think he probably could be dehydrated or he'd stroked or whatever. And so I waited for the uh paramedics or whatever to come and they didn't try pumping all the fluid from your golf bags back in them.
Speaker 3:My god, dude, the cart was fucking soaked. It was so fucked so I couldn't finish the game. They made a stop at ninth hole. I told my, my brother-in-law and the other guy I was with that you could finish it. They let them finish it. I had to go back to the clubhouse. At the clubhouse I stayed there with him watching him just drinking vodka, orange juices. At this point no, he was basically just passed out. He fell asleep on the couch. Like there's this outside of the clubhouse, there's these couches, there's like tons of seating and just everything. I'm like like just find a chair, sit down and fall asleep. That's what he did.
Speaker 3:So after this there's probably like another five hours before dinner came and I waited for my, my brother-in-law, to finish golf came back. I left him because he was already asleep. My father-in-law, we went to dinner, came back from dinner and then all of these police were right by the clubhouse, like holding him in. I don't know they didn't have handcuffs, but they were holding him ready to like put him in a squad card. So I was like I came over there. I'm like what's going on? It's my father-in-law, chill out. And this one guy that worked there. It was like I told you that you have to be here and watch him, otherwise you guys have to leave. So he's yelling at me that I didn't do that and I told hey, hey, I paid $300 for this golf outing I'm getting my meal. Not only that is like you golf outing, I'm getting my meal right. Not only that, it's like you get free shit, it's like raffles for you know gift cards for free stuff.
Speaker 1:Right, that's part of the whatever, yeah, so I had to get that out of the way I came back.
Speaker 3:I got yelled at, they kicked us out and I was never allowed there again. So that's the last time you went golfing no, but that was the last time I've ever been to that, golf course was it ironwood golf course? No, I was in lake geneva, yeah, that great golf course.
Speaker 1:The bob and brian opening is probably. It is insane. But all the golf outings that's where it's at. Going with your buddies is great, but it's such a thing takes forever I remember.
Speaker 2:Uh, there there's a strip club on the outside of town. Um what town? It's? On milwaukee racine border, the fuck's the name of it. It's on 27th street.
Speaker 3:Skin me silk I don't know Skin me Silk, I don't know it's called On the Border.
Speaker 2:There you go.
Speaker 3:On the Border, gentlemen.
Speaker 2:Okay On the Border, so they used to do a big golf outing every year.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:And it would make the news every single year.
Speaker 1:People got so fucked up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and because all the strippers are there like topless.
Speaker 3:No, they couldn't be there topless. No way, it's outdoors.
Speaker 2:You can't, so it got shut down. This is probably like 15 years ago. You can't be topless outdoors.
Speaker 3:Come on, dude, if you're a girl, no, why Didn't you say?
Speaker 1:you're a man.
Speaker 2:With boobs. No, this was before anybody was woke. Yeah, this was before anybody was woke. Yeah, it was before the wokeness 10, 15 years ago.
Speaker 3:He's like I'm not a girl.
Speaker 2:They hosted it at a golf course that most of it is along the expressway.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Oh sure, the big expressway that goes from Chicago to Milwaukee. See those titties in the golf course.
Speaker 2:Apparently, there were just titties everywhere and people started calling the cops.
Speaker 3:Did you partake in this outing?
Speaker 2:No I wish that shit was expensive. How?
Speaker 3:did you know about?
Speaker 2:this then, because it was on the news every year. Every year there was some fucking issue with it. I don't remember this year't remember enough people what year was this this was 10 15 years they're still doing it.
Speaker 3:No, no, they uh, you can't do that outside.
Speaker 1:It's not, there's no way to stop with you can't be naked outside you can't?
Speaker 2:the police broke it up in the middle of it because so many people called the cops because they were driving with their kids in the car. It literally has to be like a game fucking golf course All them kids were fed by a tit and now it's like a big issue because they're seeing one on the freeway. Like there's always got to be some fucking negative Nancy, that just ruins everybody's fun, ruins everybody's fun.
Speaker 1:But no.
Speaker 2:I love golf and I think I got it All right. We're doing it.
Speaker 1:Top Shelf Stories is having a golf outing. At least the three of us can go. We'll get a fourth Maybe our new tech engineer. We need an engineer. No, we need a marketing guy. We need more people to listen to our podcast.
Speaker 2:You need to tell your friends we need everything. Chris or not, or it could be just for us Fuck you.
Speaker 1:No, we need to go golf. Outing Marketing guy can be part of our foursome. Sign up for the Bob and Brian Open and take over the airwaves.
Speaker 2:I like it.
Speaker 3:All right, leave us out, we could sponsor a whole app.
Speaker 2:Bob and Brian's Golf Outing.
Speaker 3:We could you know how much that would cost Fucking that Bob and Brian's golf?
Speaker 2:outing Good. You know how much that would cost? Fucking nothing. It'd be a tax write-off Fixing your fucking boat six times, don't you know how tax write-offs work, you still have to pay for it. You dick yeah, but it's a tax write-off.
Speaker 3:Yeah, after you've paid for it.
Speaker 2:I don't think you understand how tax write-offs work.
Speaker 1:We'll set a shelf out like 90 yards and if you put it on to the top shelf, we'll give you a t-shirt. I'll be like a bookshelf. Put it on the top bookshelf, we'll give you a t-shirt.
Speaker 3:I mean 90 yards, you gotta give them a better fucking prize.
Speaker 1:Two t-shirts. It's twice as good. Oh, the music All right someone lead us out.
Speaker 2:All right, that was our episode on golf. Check us out wherever you get your podcasts on the internet or whatever. And, yeah, hit Jay up, email him for a t-shirt or whatnot. I don't know how any of this works.
Speaker 3:Thank you for listening. See you next Tuesday. Good night. Know how any of this works. Thank you for listening. See you next tuesday, good night.
