Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Infested Magic: When Disney Met Cockroaches
Our magical Disney World adventure takes an unexpected turn when we encounter an army of gigantic Florida cockroaches during the Phantasmic nighttime show at Hollywood Studios. What begins as an exciting family outing with prime seating quickly transforms into a horror show as hundreds of enormous roaches emerge from a manhole cover, creating waves of panic throughout the audience.
• Giant cockroaches the size of flip phones invade the Phantasmic amphitheater
• Creatures emerge by the hundreds from a manhole cover near our front-row seats
• A motorized scooter runs over one cockroach, leaving it twitching right in front of us
• Audience members jump onto bleachers screaming while some brave souls attempt to stamp out the invaders
• My four-year-old remains surprisingly unfazed by the roach invasion
• Despite the chaos, the Phantasmic water and light show proves to be spectacular
• Research reveals this is a well-documented ongoing problem at the Phantasmic venue
• Florida wildlife encounters continue at Legoland with a snake that fascinates my fearless four-year-old
Share your cockroach horror stories with us in the comments - we'd love to hear about your encounters with these resilient creatures!
Top Shelf Stories with J, chris and Tony.
Speaker 2:You ever go out of town and meet some new, unexpected friends, some friends you didn't know you had, some friends you didn't know you wanted, some friends you actually can't escape from. I'm gonna tell you my disney story from spring break 2024 on this week's episode of top shelf stories bam.
Speaker 1:okay, that sounds like a herpes Can. Did you get herpes? No, okay.
Speaker 2:So uh went to Florida, as you may have heard on a previous episode, and uh took to, the took the kids to the magical place on earth, most magic place on earth. I don't know how they coin it, but it's a pretty cool fucking place. It's Disney. We went place on earth I don't know how they coin it, but it's a pretty cool fucking place. It's disney. We went to, uh, disney hollywood studios and the reason we went there is because it was my four-year-old's first time going jealous and uh, the 11 year old's been there like three or four times because he's spoiled, fucking rotten.
Speaker 2:But uh, hollywood studios has this thing at the end of the night called phantasmic and uh, the park closes at nine. Um, well, they stop letting you in line for the rides at nine, but at 10 o'clock they have this show in an empathy outside amphitheater and it's, it's, it's nothing less than a magical show. It's there's like bellagio style water fountains and a lot of the show. Uh, they, they run these water fountains to the point where they create a solid wall of water, if that makes sense. There's like a vertical wall.
Speaker 1:Can you walk off? Twitter is in like a lake or a pond.
Speaker 2:So you sit in this amphitheater and then in front of you there's a moat with an Island in the middle and all this, all this water feature happens, you know, between you and the island. And when they run this solid screen wall of water they project movie clips and shit on it and it's fucking crazy, yeah. And then on the island there's a mountain and they do all kinds of like stunt things and it's like little clips for movies and there's boats going around on the moat with people dancing on them. It is the coolest fucking show you've ever seen.
Speaker 1:I fucking love this what's the name of the show?
Speaker 2:phantasmic. Oh, you did say that. Um, it's just it's really. It sounds a little sexual really the coolest thing that'd be orgasmic yeah that's, yeah, that would be.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, yeah, that's.
Speaker 2:Maybe they have a later show that's called orgasmic I mean, I'm sure that's what the cast does when she's done and instead of a mount, instead of a moat, they use the ladies but uh. So I was really excited because we were trying to decide whether to take the kids to magic kingdom or hollywood studios. Like there's more for kids to do at magic kingdom, it's better for the four-year-old.
Speaker 2:But more kiddies I really wanted to show him this show because I knew he'd be totally into it. So the show's at 10 and we're like we want to get really good seats and everything at disney. There's so many people so we go get in line for this show at nine o'clock so we get to it. We stand in this line an hour early and it's not like a roller coaster ride where you're an hour early, where you're where you're walking for an hour moving and you're standing there still for an hour. So it was fucking impossible to keep the kids in line, not acting crazy. But we made it through and they let us in and it's like a mile walk to this amphitheater so this is the point where your four-year-old is as bad as your 11-year-old during turbulence.
Speaker 1:Because you can't stand, you just stand still.
Speaker 2:Yeah right, there's like a lot going on and we get down there and we're like 70th in line which I mean there's probably that's not a lot.
Speaker 2:There's probably like 1500 people. So we're gonna get in the center and they kind of seat you. You know they kind of like usher you in the seats and your position, and there there was. So the amphitheater consists of like five different sections that are probably 50, 60 feet long and we're going to be in the middle one. But in front of those sections is like the wheelchair handicap, you know, kind of like 12 foot. There's like two 12 foot aisles in front, like the very front okay, and they kind of warn you like if you sit in like the first couple rows you're gonna get wet yeah, yeah yeah, and we're like chase is super excited.
Speaker 2:He's like, yeah, let's, let's do it, let's get wet, you know, all right cool sorry, we're gonna do it like. This is gonna be like this is gonna be the part of the vacation that my four-year-old actually like retains and remembers, because chase remembers this and we haven't been there since he was like six years old to this show so like two more years.
Speaker 1:Oh, I mean.
Speaker 2:Just kidding. But we're sitting up front, we're like fucking hyped, like this is going to be the shit.
Speaker 1:Handicappers who came moved you to the back. No, no. Handicappers who came beat the shit out of you.
Speaker 2:No, we told the handicapped people like you can fucking go over there. We waited, you can wait we, we waited. You can't stroll in at the last fucking second and take our prime seats.
Speaker 1:You think you can just walk up in here, or I mean roll up in here and take my seat you know, the whole back is flat level ground.
Speaker 2:You can sit up there, bitch. So we're on this little, like fucking small bench. We're all excited. Uh, michelle and the 11 year old went and got some popcorn and we're getting fucking ready. The kids are asking for neon glowing bubble makers and I'm like, fuck you, bitch, we ain't taking those home. They had like 80 a piece, right. So we're getting. We're like fucking ready to go, dude. And I'm looking and I got a little concrete wall in front of me and then in the concrete wall is a railing that's, you know, a foot and a half taller than it. You know kind of just a barrier running across the whole front so you can't jump into the moat. And uh, is the alligators in the moat could be. But there's, there's a full, like foot wide drain that runs across the whole front of this wall.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you get splashed.
Speaker 2:So when the water comes through, it can get back into the moat. Yeah, and I'm sitting there with the four-year-old and I'm looking and I see the biggest fucking cockroach.
Speaker 1:Oh, I've ever seen him give me a description on, give me something, a comparable. It's something, uh, an original flip phone those aren't that big for a cockroach.
Speaker 2:That's fucking gigantic it is it?
Speaker 1:is I actually small? I had some small flip, original flip the odd days the phones are bigger than they were.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if okay, okay, fine, if your. If your middle child made a fist, it would be the size of the top of his hand okay, it's fucking enormous.
Speaker 1:So did it have two black eyes or not eyes, but fake eyes on the top of it too?
Speaker 2:I don't remember.
Speaker 1:It was just a brown disgusting fucking, I think, all the Floridians call them palmettos. Yeah, they're fine with them. A palmetto is not a cockroach. These were them palmettos. Yeah, they're fine with them. A palmetto is not a cockroach. These were cockroaches though.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm like oh okay, there's a cockroach. It goes scurrying across this wall. I'm like maybe that's an isolated incident, oh my God. And then I look over there's another cockroach.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:They. And then I look over, there's another cockroach, oh my God. So I mean, they're mostly harmless too. I know I'm like okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but people freak out about it because they're so I mean to me.
Speaker 2:The name is Cockroach, dude, nobody wants that shit.
Speaker 1:The name is terrible enough, but if it was a spider cockroaches don't bother, If it's a spider I'd be crying.
Speaker 2:So now the cockroaches are playing and it runs about three inches in front of the top of my foot. They're chasing each other. I'm sure they weren't like the toy they might have been fighting, but to me it looked like they were gently playing. They were playing tag, oh, my god and uh, it runs right in front of my foot and I'm like, I'm like, okay, well, like I can deal with this, but I think michelle's gonna freak out if she sees this dude, bring your gun, take your killer I know, take your gun out.
Speaker 2:I pulled my sock knife out and I tried to stab it, but they were too fucking fast. So so, between my little row and the other little row where the person on the motorized scooter would be sitting. There was a gigantic manhole cover and you know like a big, like 24 inch manhole cover, and so they have these little holes on opposite ends.
Speaker 2:Yeah, pick it, lift it to. To shove the hook down and lift it up. And I'm looking and that hole is fucking filled, oh, with roaches and they're scurrying out. And now there's dozens of them, okay, running around and I'm like the the family's gonna fucking freak the fuck out you're trying to keep it quiet some all I'm not saying, yeah, my family.
Speaker 2:So then I look behind me and michelle and the 11 year old are walking down the amphitheater to get back to us and a motorized scooter is passing in front of us, okay, in front of me, and she runs over a cockroach right in front of my foot, okay, okay. So it's like a big dead cockroach still like twitching.
Speaker 1:It's still alive.
Speaker 2:Eight inches in front of my foot. She only ran over the back half of it. Don't die Because her tire wasn't big enough to get over the whole.
Speaker 1:Thing.
Speaker 2:So I'm like, I'm like motherfucker, now I got this twitching upside down, half dead cockroach in front of me twitching and the family's coming down without food. So I'm like, oh fuck, now we're sitting there and now they're there's, now there's dozens of them out and they're running on the face of the wall across the front of us back and forth so wait, one and one dies and it signals like, uh, I don't, they're fucking everywhere.
Speaker 1:They gotta check out. Well, yeah, they probably smell the death and they're like what happened? We gotta go check out where's billy? Oh fuck, billy's fucked.
Speaker 2:I gotta go see too oh fuck, I'm gonna go see too like you remember joe's apartment without cockroaches talking and shit. So chase sees the one wiggling and he looks at, he's watching them on the wall and they're like on the fucking railing. And now, dude, now, by this time there's hundreds of them out oh my god and they're all that size and chase goes what are those? And michelle looks at and she goes oh my god, I think those are cockroaches. And I'm like well, they're definitely cockroaches, you don't have to think they are.
Speaker 2:And now she's on her phone Googling huge cockroach Cockroaches indigenous to Florida.
Speaker 1:Are they poisonous?
Speaker 2:Do they bite? So Michelle's like I don't't know, I think we need to move and I'm like, well, we have the best seats. Now I'm like I wouldn't mind getting away from this manhole cover that they're filing out of single, single file like fucking soldier ants. I'm like I wouldn't mind getting away from this. So we move over to one of the side sections, in like the second row there's. So now we're like 20 feet away from the manhole cover and now they're working their way into the crowd, and now the crowd oh, yeah, that'd be amazing, they're screaming.
Speaker 2:They're doing the wave and screaming really yeah, so everybody's like standing up and fucking standing on the fucking bleachers, and there's this whole fucking big ordeal, and then there's good, and then there's like when was?
Speaker 1:this.
Speaker 2:This is better than this show there's like three of them eating a piece of popcorn right in front of me, right right in front of like michelle, and shit. When was this, huh? When was this sorry? Uh, last wednesday, oh, it was okay, your florida trip and uh Florida trip and Michelle's like should I go stomp on him? I'm like you don't go stomp on him. I'm like you never stomp a roach.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because they get stuck on the eggs and shit.
Speaker 2:They're always filled with eggs and they fucking hatch, no matter what Like nuclear fucking science can't kill them. What like nuclear fucking science can't kill them.
Speaker 1:I'm like you're we're not, we're not bringing home this fucking mutant problem.
Speaker 2:Florida, florida theme park, bro, yeah like I'm sitting here with a 20 ounce fucking fast food cup in front of me and you could fit like five of them in here they're fucking enormous god. So chase is like should I go stomp it? I'm like no, just don't touch them, just let them fucking go about their business. The show's about to start, let's just fucking concentrate on that.
Speaker 1:Once the water starts flowing. They probably won't. It's just I don't know. I maybe they, you know that's their, that's their fucking ride to them, yeah this is their highlight of the fucking night.
Speaker 2:They're like let's go antagonize all these white people.
Speaker 1:The wave's coming guys.
Speaker 2:Where's?
Speaker 1:Billy, oh yeah, he was killed by the fucking wheelchair, wheelchair, billy, billy.
Speaker 2:The rugged real man who's sitting behind us sees all these people freaking out, and then he goes up and he starts stomping him he killed probably 10 of them right, and he's irish dancing all through the front trying to fucking stomp these ass fuckers and he's getting them, he's getting them, but eventually chase goes, forget this and he moves back like 10 more rows what is your youngest doing?
Speaker 1:I feel like that would be.
Speaker 2:He doesn't call he doesn't give a fuck about anything that's going on juice box.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's like he's sharing popcorn with the cockroach. I feel like your son, your youngest son, would be like oh, I'm ready to fucking kill him, dad.
Speaker 2:He's like this is the best. Yes, he's like this is good as a turbulence dad and see, the thing is is is. Every time I take the kids to florida, we spend the whole time looking everywhere for them little fucking anole lizards that are everywhere so they're looking, trying to catch them so now, this is just like finding the lizards. He's like look, dad, there's another cockroach.
Speaker 2:Look, there's a cockroach and so now we're like 10 rows back and people are still doing the wave like six rows up. So they're getting closer, like the wave of cockroaches is getting closer to us and we're just sitting there and michelle's like I don't want to bring roaches home with us.
Speaker 1:I'm like I don't want to bring them home with us either.
Speaker 2:You're not gonna bring them home. No, you never know, dude, you never know, ain't drinking dude anything then? Things could live in the soul of your crock until hatching dude tony doesn't even comb his hair.
Speaker 1:They probably he's got cockroach eggs in his hair right now. He just got home from florida, so you guys left the fucking show.
Speaker 2:No, we moved back to like 10 rows and the fucking show starts. And my four-year-old is into it. He is standing on the fucking bleachers, he's clapping when things are happening and then he sits down about 10 minutes into it and passes the fuck out he falls asleep.
Speaker 1:People during the show are still jumping up screaming for these cockroaches dude, I wish I had the the mentality of your fucking four-year-old to just fucking not care about shit. I'd be such a better person so we knew that.
Speaker 2:The thousands of people that were going to be scurrying down this 12 foot wide path when this thing ended, and now I gotta carry a sleeping child after being at disney for 14 hours I'm like let's just fucking go and chase is like thank you thank you. I need to get away from these roaches did you check your son's pockets and shit?
Speaker 1:for no, I didn't climbing in there for a soft spot we could have cockroaches currently, I don't know.
Speaker 2:So we went, uh, we were at that lego land, which is like an hour away from orlando, and uh, and one of the exhibits they had the lego ninjongo, yeah, yeah, um exhibit and they have this big like japanese style rock garden and there was like a four foot black snake that was scurrying through this rock garden. Some of those are poisonous yeah, I think. I think it was a rat snake, I'm not a snake expert but it looked like a normal rat snake.
Speaker 2:But my four-year-old. His first reaction to it was to run after it and catch it dude, you know fast snakes yeah fucking he almost got it a couple times unbelievably fast and it did scurry its way all the way over to me and I I did pick it up by its tail, so I'm probably not the best example for the four-year-old, but I was just gonna pick it up by the tail and fucking move it over back to the bushes to get it away from, but uh, my kid, yeah, like, whip it like a, like a whip, like.
Speaker 2:Oh man, I ain't trying to hurt it or nothing, just to get it out of the way, I'm not saying kill it. Dude, what if something fucking 30 times your size? Just picked your little ass up. Everything is 30 times my size.
Speaker 1:Get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 2:By your face tail and whipped you across.
Speaker 1:My face tail. You're talking about my nose. Asshole you dick.
Speaker 2:And fucking threw you across a parking lot Like don't hurt it, just fuck it. And fucking threw you across the parking lot like don't hurt it, just fucking. Oh, that would hurt. No, I just I went to go move it and, uh, my fucking four-year-old spent a half hour trying to like rustle that thing out of bush. It's like there was nothing I could do to keep him away from trying to catch there is a poisonous black snake in florida.
Speaker 2:Well, it could have got him. I don't know I got him, I don't know got him you got him. I don't know what it's called, but there is one that is poisonous so so the next day I'm like, I'm like, dude, that was so fucking crazy with those cockroaches, like how many of them I couldn't imagine were there, I can't believe it place still operates fully infested yeah and, uh, you can't stop them.
Speaker 1:Though you can't stop a cockroach infestation. No, it's unbelievably in pot. You can't stop it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the orcan man can't do shit. He walks in, he walks right the fuck out he's like I take these dirty motherfuckers back home, if you have bats, spiders, centipedes, cockroaches.
Speaker 1:I'm done.
Speaker 2:I don't pay for that so I started googling phantasmic cockroaches and there are thousands of fucking articles written about the fat phantasmic cockroach infestation over the course of the last year and a half.
Speaker 1:My guess is the sewer or whatever it is Well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they like that moist yeah.
Speaker 1:Whatever that is that takes the water down and brings it back. That's where they're multiplying like a fucking frenzy.
Speaker 2:Like cockroaches.
Speaker 1:It's wild dude.
Speaker 2:They're going to have to fucking set that whole amphitheater on fire.
Speaker 1:We know what I want to hear. I want to hear someone else's story about a cockroach.
Speaker 2:Oh, dude if you got a cool cockroach story like an apartment infestation, yeah, or the time I stayed at mount olympus at the dows and found a cockroach on my door when I opened it, jesus Christ.
Speaker 1:Hit us up in the comments. We would love to hear any type of cockroach story.
Speaker 2:And don't even just limit yourself to cockroaches. Give me your best spider story.
Speaker 1:No, I don't want any of those. No, no Negative, not any of those Thanks for tuning in today.
Speaker 2:You guys have been wonderful. Peace out.
