Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Dog Bites and Human Fights
Jay and Chris discuss the uncomfortable realities of dealing with aggressive dogs while working in clients' homes, sharing personal stories of dog attacks and the complex aftermath.
• Jay recounts getting bitten by a client's poodle and how he instinctively punched the dog to defend himself
• Chris shares his more severe dog attack experience involving a Weimaraner that resulted in bleeding through his clothes
• The hosts debate whether homeowners should be notified when their dogs bite contractors
• Discussion about the legal implications of dog bites and homeowner responsibilities for providing safe work environments
• Exploration of how dogs behave differently when their owners aren't present
• Chris details a plumbing disaster that flooded a client's house in the same week as his dog bite
• Warning about potential serious health consequences of dog bites, including infection risks
• Advice for contractors on establishing clear boundaries about pets before beginning work
If a dog has bitten you, even if it seems minor, please seek medical attention as infections can develop and lead to serious complications.
Top Shelf Stories with J, chris and Tony.
Speaker 2:Yo, I got bit by a dog today at work, Chris.
Speaker 1:So you were in somebody's house and their dog bit you.
Speaker 2:I'm doing their floor and their bathroom and the wet saw I'm using to cut the tile is in the garage. So I have to walk 50 feet from that bedroom to the garage and usually this lady, when I first got there to the job, she told me that this, your dogs are fucking mean. Was it a little tiny dog? It's like a poodle fucking thing. It's a medium-sized dog but like up to your knees, yeah okay, why you want to say it's up to my knees, no, because no, because it's always Well yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I gave you that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's gotten so bad, you're giving yourself the short jokes. Well, tony's not here right now. That's why, because it always seems to be these little dogs that are so freaking mean Fucking nippers.
Speaker 2:So she, my dog fucking bites. Yeah, yours is a little tiny dog this dog bit me so hard that I have two puncture wounds in my leg and I have some bruising around my calf. Anyway, I was walking out of the bathroom was it a chawini? No, it was a type of poodle talking to the microphones Tony oh, we're recording.
Speaker 1:Jay likes to do these little interludes here.
Speaker 2:And then what happened was I was walking out of the bathroom.
Speaker 3:What happened was?
Speaker 2:And the dog chased me.
Speaker 1:Oh, you started running.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't.
Speaker 3:I thought I should have but Were you wearing your red sweatpants like a matador? Like a? What Like a matador? Like a? What Like a matador? What's?
Speaker 2:a matador, the bullfighters with the red. Oh gotcha, are you sure you're saying that right? Yeah, I'd like you to spell that now.
Speaker 3:I'm not.
Speaker 2:Just start with the first letter.
Speaker 3:No, I'm not a speller.
Speaker 1:I just misspelled it on my writing it down.
Speaker 2:I went with m-a-t-i-d-o-r I think it's how it's spelled, how it sounds.
Speaker 1:It does not look correct let me check the internet the internet will never lie to me. Let me find out.
Speaker 2:Just talk to text it but here's the thing, here's what happened. The dog bit me and I actually punched it in the face. Well, I didn't really like, I didn't connect very well, but you fucking piece of shit to get it off of me, you, I punched it in the face.
Speaker 3:How dare you lay your hands on another?
Speaker 2:man's dog. This dog laid hands on me first. I was playing defense role. What if this was a child? I would punch in the face too.
Speaker 1:I misspelled it. It's Madador M-A-T-A-D-O-R.
Speaker 2:Chris, if a dog bit you in the leg, would you punch it in the face? It's a fight at that point. Yeah, I couldn't kick it. I'm fighting back.
Speaker 1:I'm taking my jewelry off. If the first hit doesn't knock me out, I'm taking his shirt off.
Speaker 3:What the fuck? Back it up. Take it off these Jordans.
Speaker 2:Starts getting people to record it. I would have kicked it, but it had my leg.
Speaker 1:So the dog bit you and you punched it. Yeah, I mean, I didn't fully connect. Did it go? Did it go? So the dog bit you and you punched it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I didn't fully connect Did it go Did it go. And it kind of like jumped back.
Speaker 1:Did the lady come screaming?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God, my baby.
Speaker 2:See, she's usually there to stop these fucking midget dogs from attacking me. She wasn't there and that's why I was like fuck, what's going on? She's in the bathroom taking a shower or something. She just let him go and the fucker chased me to the garage, punch him in the face, wow so what'd? You do about it I don't nothing.
Speaker 1:You didn't do anything about it you see that, why wouldn't you?
Speaker 3:do anything I'm a dog bite survivor oh, I thought that super terrible homemade japanese writing tattoo was the bruises. I was like holy shit, oh, never mind, it's just that little pimple. Yeah, it looks like a little ingrown hair on your leg.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, it didn't. It didn't tear apart my leg, but I got it and it brew I'm bruising, so why aren't you gonna do anything about it?
Speaker 3:that's because of your iron deficiency.
Speaker 2:Don't say that I probably am.
Speaker 1:No, I'm kind of serious with this question. Why aren't you going to do anything about it?
Speaker 2:I've been bit by a couple dogs already. I don't know, maybe I should.
Speaker 3:This house was on a lake in a conical walk. It's a good way to make extra money. It's like a $4 or $5 million house.
Speaker 1:No, because it's not like that, tony, you should understand this maybe too. Here's my perspective. Right, and I'm on this side of it, so say I'm the homeowner. Right, and you came to my house to do a job.
Speaker 3:Hold on a second. This is really turning into a full-length thing.
Speaker 1:I thought you said you were going to top-shelf stories with Jay, chris and Tony.
Speaker 2:That's not how it works, Tony. I think it's how it works. You can add it in later. You fucked it up, Tony.
Speaker 3:Well, turn it off. Welcome to the show guys.
Speaker 1:So look at it this way, jay. So you got bit by a dog. The homeowner was in charge of making sure that you, as worker, have a safe place to work. You explained to the homeowner that you were going to be in the bathroom working. Your job site was the bathroom, but that you needed also workspace in the garage. Yeah, and you probably asked the homeowner, and they provided and said yes, you can work in the garage. She.
Speaker 2:She moved her one of 16 cars out of the garage.
Speaker 1:This gets to my point now. Okay, so now you're in the garage and let's say you're and this wouldn't happen necessarily but let's say your tile saw blade got loose while you were using it, it killed the dog, or a piece of tile got rejected from your tile saw as you were using it and it fired off and smashed the window of one of their cars.
Speaker 3:That the dog was in.
Speaker 1:And the dog died. This is a situation similar to a dog biting you that no one really expected to have happen, right, yeah, now you complete the job and you tell the homeowner hey, while I was in the garage, a piece of tile went off and chipped a window of your car. Do you think the homeowner's gonna say, oh man, that's wild, I can't believe that happened. Thanks for letting me know. I feel so bad for putting my car there. Do you need a glass of water, are you okay? No, but when the dog bit you, it wasn't expected, right, but there's damages that were caused, right?
Speaker 2:so as someone who's there.
Speaker 1:So I'm saying this like you have to look at it, you might go into a hundred houses and not have anything happen, but every once in a while you accidentally destroy their door or break a window or whatever, and you compensate them by giving them money off the job or paying for the damages. Right?
Speaker 2:Because that's what you do Not saying anything or not saying anything. Well so do you think the?
Speaker 1:homeowner's going to not say anything if you broke their bathroom mirror.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they would say something Okay.
Speaker 1:So you didn't even tell the lady, the dog bit you.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Oh bro.
Speaker 2:Because I punched it in the face. I thought that was retribution.
Speaker 1:Now it's going to be her dogs down her cam at her house, her house, danny cams and she's gonna sue you for hitting their dog.
Speaker 2:It's all right, it was deep, but they'll see what really happened how do you think they got such a nice house, dude?
Speaker 3:so now, how are you gonna deal with this rabies?
Speaker 2:why do you say that shit? Why you fuck with me, dude? My wife said the same thing. She's like you better have shots, have shots. I'm like what, talk about shots? Are you going back to this place? Yeah, tomorrow morning. She's like she told me this going there about tomorrow morning to grout. And she's like what time are you coming? I said, uh, eight, three, nine. And she's I'm like make sure or you will. Yeah, see now. Now it's too late.
Speaker 1:I'm walking in with the fucking Pipe iron You'll be wearing, like a chainsaw, man's leather outfit.
Speaker 2:I was thinking about wearing, yeah, something like I'm gonna tape some magazines Around my ankles and my legs so that if it bites me this time it won't pierce me, just like you do with zombies. We know they can't bite through the magazines you tape around your arm um you ever see that movie?
Speaker 3:so the two times that I've been brutally attacked by dogs on job sites?
Speaker 1:um, looking back on it now, all I see it is is missed opportunities so, tony, when you say no, it's not that you like want to change your entire life trajectory by suing the shit out of someone and claiming you know this. What are they call that? A white flag? Like it's not. You're not. I'm not saying that Jay's needs to like make this huge deal out of the fact that he got bit. But if you got bit by my dog at my house and you didn't tell me, I'd be kind of pissed actually, because if you tell me at least, then I can be like are you fine? Can I have you sign this sheet of paper? You're not going to sue my ass now.
Speaker 2:Let me buy you guys lunch the rest of the time you're here. I'd feel terrible. I can sue.
Speaker 1:I don't think you need to sue, but like you can definitely sue you sure could absolutely. You got attacked by a free a dog that the woman or the homeowner had stated to you was a mean dog might bite you like, yeah, well, yeah, don't, don't come closer, don't look at it, don't try to pet it. You certainly could sue, bro, but not anymore, because you didn't say anything. But I don't know why you I'm not saying you definitely can.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying, you should sue, I'm not gonna sue and I'm not saying like this, like you should sue a little bit yeah like don't go crazy with it, I'll charge extra hundred dollars in the bill.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, you should get at least at least a year's worth of salary for a needle hole no, because now it's, it's the, the trauma of it. You're already afraid of everything. You're a hypochondriac. Now you got to deal with rabies and and now you're gonna be you. You won't work in anybody's house with a dog now. So now this is like a whole lifespan of missed opportunities.
Speaker 1:Oh man, you're really taking this down the lane at judge judy's judgment here. You started it, chris. Well, no, because I'm just saying like so the last.
Speaker 3:So the last time I got bit on a job site, it was well, it wasn't even a job site yet, it was an estimate.
Speaker 2:You're looking at what your future holds if you get that job.
Speaker 3:I did get that job and I did have a very special set of rules for that job, and also I itemized all my shit that it fucked up. What did it? What did this dog do it? It? Uh well, it bit me right here. It ripped my pants. I had fucking blood all over my shoes.
Speaker 2:I made is this right in front of the, the uh guy owner see, this is a bigger bite than what.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, I got, but this is a little freaking well, this was kind of an interesting story, right, because I go to this estimate and it's at this big, fucking beautiful house and it's, it's one of these big cement staircases to walk up it and fucking fountain on, uh, by the vestibule, you know, and I'm standing at the front door and it's no, I don't know, but go on it's these big double glass doors that look straight through the house.
Speaker 3:So while I'm knocking on the door and I don't know who the fuck these people are like I I know nothing about them, I no context I see a man and a woman in the backyard playing with a dog and they're like in their early 30s and he kind of sees me through the house and like waves me to walk back and I don't know if he's trying to tell me to walk through the house or go around, but I'm like, well, fuck it, he's waving me in and I I go to open the door and it's locked. So I'm like, all right, well, now I gotta walk around the house because he's fucking fuck tired. Yeah, I'm not doing aren't coming in open.
Speaker 3:I'm not doing this up, so I walk around to the back of the house and they had a dog called a weimer reiner yeah, which is a big gray hunting dog. They're not good like family pets or anything, but they're amazing bird hunting dogs. So I go around back and now I'm. Now I'm like in this dog shit. And this dog runs up and fucking starts attacking me. Like attacking me Instantly, yes, Like it's seen me turn the corner and it fucking runs full speed at me and.
Speaker 3:I'm like what did you do when it ran at you? I'm like, oh shit, Did you back?
Speaker 2:up? No, I stood my ground. Did you grab the knife out the back of your pocket that you keep there and start swiping?
Speaker 3:I didn't. I said I stood my ground, I grabbed it by its fucking throat after it bit you no it didn't bite me yet. Well, maybe that's why you were attacking it. Well, it jumped at me, like at my face, and I grabbed it by its neck and I was fucking choking it and I threw the dog away from me and I yelled for these people to get their dog and they're just standing there staring.
Speaker 1:I was going to ask what the hell are they doing?
Speaker 3:They're literally just, they're 40 yards from me, just fucking staring at me going oh my God, what do we do? What do we do? And I throw their dog back at him and I'm like get your fucking dog. And the dog starts running back toward him and he gets about halfway there and then turns around and fucking runs back at me and I'm like what the fuck? And it's, oh god, it's running at me and I, I fucking. That's when he took off when it jumps at me.
Speaker 3:I fucking like swatted it by the side of its head and like pushed it back the other way and I'm like, okay, it's, it's done. It's gonna go back now like it was just seeing one more time. It was giving it the old college try. It's gonna try to get me and I assume it's, it's gonna run so do you remember? The body of this dog back.
Speaker 1:So you remember in your head like okay, I got attacked, I won, it's defeated, it's walking away now like it you.
Speaker 3:You were like all right, that's over yeah, I'm like that's over, it's gonna go back by them, they're gonna get it in the fucking house. They still haven't done anything. I mean it seems like fucking minutes and like a half hour, but it's like been like nine seconds right. So I I shoo this dog away from me, I get its head pointed the other way and like I'm fucking yelling at them to get their fucking dog and they're like come here, rex, or whatever the fuck it's, come here, come here, boy. And uh, when I get its head pointed away from me and its ass pointed toward me, I assume it's going to run back. And instead it immediately turns around and fucking bites my leg, yikes. And then I choke the dog unconscious. So I choke the thing until it's fucking laying there. Oh, my.
Speaker 3:God.
Speaker 1:And they murdered a dog. They're still not. These homeowners are still not Still haven't done anything.
Speaker 3:Come on, it takes at least. And the dog's laying there, I'm straddled over it, fucking choking it, and I'm like, I'm like yo, you need to go get a fucking leash and put it on this goddamn dog. And I'm like, and I say to the guy I'm like, why the fuck did you wave me back here If you got a fucking vicious dog? And he said, he said something like I didn't think the dog was going to be an issue. I didn't think the dog was going to be an issue. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:You just look like one of those people that dogs want to attack.
Speaker 3:So the woman comes back out with a leash, puts it on the dog.
Speaker 1:Does she have a towel now and a cold compress? And a high life for you, my pants are ripped up.
Speaker 3:There's fucking blood all over my pants. It's soaking into my shoe, Jesus yeah you're good.
Speaker 2:Good thing he didn't get you by your dick.
Speaker 3:It looked like it was close where you showed me. I was like, and I said something, and they're like, well, what are you here for? They waved you back. They didn't even know what you were there for. I'm like we had an appointment. Like you set this up with me and are you high up with me? And uh, are you high? And they're like, oh, it was, you probably have an appointment with my dad, well. And I'm like, oh, you guys are just fucking full adults that still live with your parents.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay wow, it was a sister.
Speaker 3:so these are like the fucking sheltered kids of a rich person. Wow, yikes. And so now I'm sitting there. They just waved a stranger into their backyard. I'm like you didn't even like dude, I don't know what the fuck. Come on, we're having a party, but this older man comes out. You know his like 70s. And the guy, you know, he's dressed in a suit and he opens up the door and he is like if you still want to measure, that's the area at the bottom of the stairs over there, I got the dog locked up.
Speaker 3:he goes what are you gonna fucking sue me now? And he's doing this while he's on a call and he's holding his hand over the receiver and he's like what are you going to fucking sue me now? And I said, well, the thought hadn't crossed my mind until you brought it up.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:And so this was set up through a contractor that at that time I mean I still do business with them, but at that time I did just a ton of business, like they made up for a good portion of my company's work for the year. Sure, so I'm like well, I'm not going to start some big fucking thing about this.
Speaker 2:Like it's a little dog bite, it's fine, like it's bloody as fuck, but whatever that's kind of a dickhead thing to do come out on the phone, not even get off the phone, and then say hey, are you assuming even not even that? Like, are you still gonna measure? So you're sue me?
Speaker 1:That tells me this guy's probably been sued before for his dog bites.
Speaker 3:Well, so I didn't report it, I didn't do shit with it, I didn't go to the doctor I really should have. So you have rabies now. You've been living with rabies. That's why I'm urging you to go get looked at.
Speaker 2:What does rabies?
Speaker 3:do to you. Oh dude, I foam at the mouth all the time. I thought that was just normal.
Speaker 2:I communicate well with raccoons. I thought that was normal. When you get hungry, you foam at the mouth, Dude it's really wild.
Speaker 3:I eat out of dumpsters at night.
Speaker 2:That's normal.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure the end, the main, yeah, you die bro.
Speaker 3:That's what happens, there's no cure for rabies, the sickest of the brain and you die. But uh, uh, the the guy's wife calls me and she's being real sweet because she doesn't want to get sued, and and, uh, she kind of said something about like are you going to report it? Like you're not going to report it.
Speaker 1:So this is her dog, she's the sugar mama or he's the sugar daddy. Yeah, I got it all figured out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he's like some big shot physician. She's a stay-at-home mom who didn't who didn't happen to be home for the remodeling project estimate that she instigated and, uh, turns out they've had this dog for like two months. It was a you know who rescued who.
Speaker 3:Yeah and and they've had this dog for like two months and I was the third person. That it's like fucking fucked up, yeah, and if I would have reported it they would have lost their dog, which really makes me sad that I didn't report it, because that dog should be fucking put down.
Speaker 1:They probably had other people get bit, although the dog probably just shouldn't be in a family home.
Speaker 2:Was this bad enough? Where you got a scar? You're explaining that you're bleeding down the leg into your shoe. Don't lift your leg up that high. You point it towards your dick almost.
Speaker 3:Do you want me to pull him down?
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe Jesus.
Speaker 1:I don't know why I keep coming here every week.
Speaker 2:I don't see anything, man. I just see hair.
Speaker 3:No, just hair yeah, because it might have been like right here, so it was right in here somewhere so he grabbed you.
Speaker 2:He didn't shake, he just grabbed you, got you like punctured your skin.
Speaker 3:He definitely shook. He's like I felt he shook until he couldn't breathe anymore. But so when I did go through and estimate that job and do the job because, like I said, I was kind of in a fucking bad spot you said you got the job too, yeah what was this.
Speaker 2:Can we go to the part where you gave him rules about the job, the part where you give them rules about the job?
Speaker 3:Well, I made them remove the dog from the house every day before we got there and the dog wasn't allowed to be there. And they're like, oh no, we'll create it the whole time you're here and I'm like that fucking dog leaves, leaves this house. I'm like you fucking, board it for a week, take it to doggy daycare, whatever you need to do. Right, we're at their house for like two weeks and and they stuck by it and I did charge them for my clothes, which were full price. No, kohl's cash, nothing. These are 65.
Speaker 1:Union bay these are $65. Union Bay carpenter pants these are $38.
Speaker 3:Adidas. No Kohl's cash. No man, it was Levi's and Keens.
Speaker 2:Keens are damn. They make clothing.
Speaker 3:So I got a little over $200 in damaged goods.
Speaker 1:Was that worth it for your?
Speaker 2:traumatic. That was a line item was that 200 worth it, bro, and?
Speaker 3:then, dude, this is like it. Just thinking back to this week, this was like the fucking worst week of my fucking career. So this happened to me and I left a job site to go do this estimate at the time they chose and then went back to my job. So I go back to my job and I'm waiting for my wife to bring me a new set of clothes, because these ones are covered in blood, sure, sure. And I get back to the house and it was this really cool single guy who had this big, huge, massive lake house and me and him got along great and all this shit. And I, I get back to a place and he's like what the fuck happened to you and I said I got attacked by a dog.
Speaker 1:You had to do an estimate, not a drug deal. Did you get shot in the leg? I said I got. I got attacked by a dog. I thought you had to do an estimate, not a drug deal. Did you get shot in the leg?
Speaker 3:I said I got attacked by a dog at an estimate. He goes that's about the rudest thing you could do is just let your dog fucking like.
Speaker 2:Let it go, they're free yeah let it go, they're free.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like he's. He's like people are so inconsiderate. If you have a fucking dog and a stranger's coming in your house, you should definitely put your dog away, like tell a stranger coming, yes, and I said no, I agree a hundred percent, I do that with my dog. Um, your dog michelle gets there.
Speaker 3:Michelle gets there with, uh, with my clothes. I change, go back to doing my work the next morning. This fucking guy who was there the whole time he's retired, you know he's like, oh, I'm gonna go out for a couple hours and I'm like, alright, no problem, and I go to take off the plastic ring around his shower head and and he did all his own plumbing and he did something with the screw that holds it's called a plaster ring, the screw that holds the plaster ring to his shower valve assembly on. Yep, uh, the screw that he had, and it was also the screw that holds on the cartridge yeah, that's uh gonna make a lot of water come spraying at you a lot of water I found that out the hard way.
Speaker 3:Never ending amount of water so the funny thing is is I didn't have the board up on the back wall, so it's spraying into the wall and going straight down into the basement with and it's like flooding this fucking room. That happened to be the room where he had his display of this primitive, irreplaceable bow and arrow collection. Oh christ, hanging on the wall, shut up. It's fucking leaking down these like turn of the century indian artifact, fucking homemade balls dude. And I'm running around the house trying to find the fucking water shut off, that he has buried in some fucking closet in the basement somewhere.
Speaker 1:It is a fucking nightmare some of those valves have what are called stops, and there's a shut off on the valve so you can change the cartridge out.
Speaker 1:But those are normally like ten dollars more than the other valves and only used on apartment complexes. So there's a little set, there's a little screw where you can shut off right before where that cartridge is the water coming? You had basically, wherever it was, I mean if it was in the city, you had like 18 gallons per minute shooting out at you. If it was on some pump system, you might have had 100.
Speaker 3:When you're in the middle of it, it feels like a lot more than 18 gallons a minute it's.
Speaker 1:That's a lot. Think about filling up 18 gallons of water with your sink, your sink's spitting out like one and a quarter gallon per minute maybe two.
Speaker 3:So so this shit. I had to have my wife bring me clothes to this job site two days in a row. Jesus Bro, there was so much water, so did this guy end up charging you for his shit. Ironically, no, not at all. There you go. I didn't ruin Nothing got ruined.
Speaker 1:I mean, if they're old enough, they've been wet before Right. They weren't baseball cards.
Speaker 3:He comes in. There's fucking water everywhere. I'm down in the basement, he cut. He's coming down the stairs, he's like. He's like what happened and I said well, I said you had the screw that holds that cover.
Speaker 3:I needed to take off, uh like I don't understand exactly how you're saying this is, but like you, took the screw out of the cartridge and he like crammed that thing like behind it so I couldn't get it out and then screwed that screw back in and I didn't realize that it was. That was the cartridge like I didn't under. I didn't know that it was. That was the cartridge, Like I didn't under.
Speaker 3:I didn't know that Cause I don't really know shit about plumbing, so I'm like oh, that the the plaster rings being held on by this screw, which it was, but it was just because it was jammed behind it and not yeah. So this fucking guy's like well, let me dig out the dehumidifiers, let's get this shit dried up. He's like boy, are you having a week?
Speaker 1:he's cool about it eh that's good. Cj, you could have told them, and they would have been cool about it that you got bit by a dog, but yeah, that's where this came from is your story about the dog it spiraled into and then Tony got bit by a dog. But yeah, I've been, I've been.
Speaker 2:That's where this came from, is your story about the dog it spiraled into, and then tony got bit by a dog and maybe someday he'll tell us the story of the other time he got bit.
Speaker 3:Oh, and you know what, dude, I'm definitely gonna get bit by more dogs, because nobody has the common courtesy to put their dogs away when you go into their house and what people don't realize is oh, my dog is the sweetest dog in the world, my dog loves this. You know, my dog's never been aggressive toward anybody, but that doesn't, that doesn't stop the fact that I'm a stranger walking into their house, right, and dogs instinctually protect their family. And then also that, see, this is the other thing, because I make everybody lock their dogs up when they're not home. And I'm there because I tell people your dog acts differently when you're not home, because now it's on full like protection mode and fucking circling the house and not letting you do shit.
Speaker 2:I'm definitely getting an attack tomorrow when she's at the gym.
Speaker 3:So you remember that house? We did uh when you worked for me. It was a big ass shower. Maybe you weren't there. You know the first job eric helped you on where you had him do those pebbles we did the neighbor's house. Do you remember doing the neighbor's house? I don't know. It was a master, a master bathroom and it had a big.
Speaker 2:I don't remember. I did last month, 1997. No, this wasn't that long ago. Is it the one where the lady put the the pee thingies next to the front door where little dogs peed?
Speaker 3:and shit. No, they had a big dog, but it was. They had a big rounded bench in their shower that we we made anyway. But they, they had this fucking wild ass dog and you would walk in in. This fucking hallway was like 60 feet. We had to walk down and that dog would sit at the end of the hallway and fucking growl at you and not let you walk in the hallway.
Speaker 3:Dude, I carried a fucking two by four when I walked through that hallway no, I'm like, I'm going to have to fuck this dog up and it became like I sat down with the homeowners like three days into this fucking 20-day job and I'm like you guys need to fucking lock this dog up and they thought that like I was being an asshole about it. I'm like your fucking dog doesn't let me walk down this hallway. It's there in grawls. I'm like you guys are here. That dog's fucking sweet as pie. That dog fucking. You guys are out of sight. This dog's a fucking asshole and it doesn't want me in its house. I'm like you guys got to lock this fucking dog up. I'm not dealing with this every time and then I'm gonna end up fucking your dog up and you're gonna be all upset at me they're gonna come downstairs.
Speaker 2:They're gonna see you holding the dog by a choke hold choked out.
Speaker 1:So you said your dog bites. You're just a french bulldog. Yeah, so that friend of mine, lauren, that I have, she has a french bulldog she has two of them actually, and this one hank, he, you. You have to let him bite you or he will continue to try to freaking bite you. But you know, your dog, it's a tiny little thing, it just nips your little hand or your arm or your whatever.
Speaker 3:But if you don't let it fucking bite you, it's gonna try to bite you the whole time you're there and I bet you she takes it everywhere and tells no, no, she doesn't do that no, she puts it behind the little gate and then if someone's like you can cut dog, come on.
Speaker 1:He's like she's. She says that hank will bite you, it won't hurt that bad, he won't bite to kill, but he'll bite you and then he'll be fine, otherwise I'll leave him over there. And then he just stays over there behind the little kid gate, barks the whole fucking time.
Speaker 2:It's so wild we were at the German beer hall downtown and my cousin he's always got the shepherds and he's not afraid of dogs at all. He was. Someone had a dog outside of the bar and it was on a leash. The dog was just kind of sitting there and the person, talc or my cousin, came up to the dog and the person's like I don't, I wouldn't trust you coming that close to it. He's like I'm fine, I'm fine. He puts his face in front of the dog, grabs it by the ears, starts petting it and the fucker bites him in the face.
Speaker 3:In the face.
Speaker 2:Cut his nose open and I'm like Is it a blood relative?
Speaker 3:Does he have that Wisniewski nose?
Speaker 2:No, he doesn't have a big nose, he has more of a squished nose. So he had some cushion there to get ripped. Yeah, I don't trust him. I don't care if it's a chihuahua, I'm not afraid of dogs.
Speaker 1:I'm not afraid of them. I don't care if it's a chihuahua, I'm not afraid. I don't trust them. I'm not afraid of dogs, I don't think it's a problem.
Speaker 2:I'm not afraid of dogs. I'm not afraid I've been bit by too many of them. I'm not afraid I've not been bit by a dog, though.
Speaker 3:When you get bit, when you finally get bit, maybe you'll be afraid, Maybe, and I got it's fucking like what are you supposed to do?
Speaker 1:Like you said, you gave Jay shit for hitting the thing. You fucking choked it out.
Speaker 2:Like dude, what do you do?
Speaker 1:And then you guys all laughed at me when I said, yeah, it's fucking war at this point.
Speaker 2:No, man, he did a suplex that I did on a fucking file drive.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to attack. I got a bigger operation here. But if you attack me, I'm going to fight to kill. I'm on the way back.
Speaker 3:In good fun. I'm shaming Jay for fucking this dog up, you just do it regardless of anything. That dog would have got punted to the ceiling.
Speaker 1:It's going to bite you again tomorrow. Yeah, that's why, 100% Dude, it's at home trading right now. It's chewing on half a cow leg bone, just eating into it.
Speaker 3:It's doing one arm push-ups 101, 102.
Speaker 1:Every toy it's got inside are completely strewn across its room.
Speaker 2:It ripped all its toys apart.
Speaker 3:It's sparring with the other dogs right now.
Speaker 2:There was another dog, a compas, but that one kind of stayed back. That was a barker.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you ever seen Jurassic Park where the run raptors looking at the guy right in the face, he realizes the one's on the side. Clever girl, that dog was a setup.
Speaker 2:He got attacked by a raptor.
Speaker 1:You probably saw it at the end of the hall. You don't even remember like a ghost or an alien like you want to hear what's crazy.
Speaker 3:Both times on job sites that I've been bitten, it's been in their backyard well, maybe they shouldn't go to the backyard.
Speaker 1:Well, that's the dog's domain for sure is the backyard.
Speaker 2:Yeah I was gonna say that to you when you were telling the story that you kind of went in. I know that the person waved you over, but you still went into their backyard. Oh, I know, I don't think they can.
Speaker 3:You can actually even sue them, I probably can plus, I was 100 percent and it doesn't matter even if I was trespassing, I still could sue here.
Speaker 1:Really, I'm gonna tell you a story about how I could take my dog to your house, and if my dog bit somebody while it was at your house, it would be your fault. So okay, your homeowner's insurance would take the blame.
Speaker 2:Let me put it in perspective. So I have a friend over at my house? Okay, yeah, it has nothing to do with you or me. You bring the dog over? Yeah, it has nothing to do with you or me.
Speaker 1:You bring the dog over, it bites him. You can sue me, yep, really. Well, I would say he can probably try to sue whoever he wants. Yeah, he can't sue a dog for one, but I'll be like your homeowner's insurance would be the one who would be the one to take the run.
Speaker 2:Trust me, If I were that kind of person, I would. The first thing I would do is is like the dog bit me. All right, Where's my phone? Call my lawyer. I'm not that kind of person. I don't really care.
Speaker 1:I'm not that person either, but like okay.
Speaker 2:If you got to tell him, you gotta be like.
Speaker 1:I told the builder that Because if I do have rabies, or if I do have, rabies.
Speaker 2:Get the fuck out of the rabies.
Speaker 1:I don't have rabies, don't say that it's too early to tell yeah, yeah it is, it doesn't.
Speaker 2:Hey, stop it now, both of you, or I'm leaving this podcast. Listen to me. No, no more rabie talk.
Speaker 3:So one of our neighbors this better not be a rabies story. No, it's not rabies, it's actually much worse.
Speaker 1:One of the people. I don't know if we can get much worse, so we got. You got two minutes.
Speaker 3:So the one of the people at our campground. It was when my brother had a place at our campground.
Speaker 1:It was his next-door neighbor, internal bleeding, lost his leg.
Speaker 3:No. So he noticed his neighbor was coming up by himself for a couple weekends and he had just come up mowed the grass and kind of leave and not really stick around like he normally would. And you know, this guy would sit and have beers with my brother and they were friends and whatnot. And he's like, oh, how come you guys haven't been up here for the weekends, how come you're just coming up here mowing the grass and leaving and he goes. Oh, my wife's not doing too good, he goes. She's been in a hospital for a month and uh, I don't want to hear a story he's like.
Speaker 3:He's like it's not looking good, he goes, I think we're gonna lose her. And he's like oh my god, like what happened. He's assuming like cancer or something they found a dog yeah, a dog bit her in the foot and it got so infected that it poisoned her blood and she fucking died after a month for it. I hate you.
Speaker 2:No, I'm being serious.
Speaker 3:Even though I didn't, you should really go get it checked out and the homeowner really should fucking at least know that her dog bit somebody Now my leg is tingling right now. Know that her dog bit somebody now my leg is tingling right now, and a good dog owner that this was like a like an accident, like she didn't mean to leave her dog out or the dog fucking got around the gate or something, will tell you to go to the hospital and fucking get it checked out.
Speaker 2:I think this dog is very spoiled. I'm pretty sure it gets the shot or goes to the doctor every other month.
Speaker 3:I guarantee you it was probably the first time it got punched in the face. You're right, baby.
Speaker 2:It really is working up to kill me tomorrow, but I don't think a dog less than half my size could kill me.
Speaker 1:I'm bringing in my knife. You said this was a medium-sized dog medium size.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it was like 40 pounds.
Speaker 3:It can't kill you on brute strength I'm gonna punch in the face again I'm telling you, dude, you should go get a fucking shot punch in the face all right, what kind of shot do you need to get?
Speaker 1:I'm gonna tell you right now another fucking dog bites me.
Speaker 2:The need to get.
Speaker 1:I'm going to tell you right now Hold on, nope, we're done. I'm going to tell you right now Another fucking dog bites me.
Speaker 3:The first thing I'm doing is going to the doctor.
Speaker 1:All right, Chad Put it in the chat. Should Jay go to the doctor with this? Tell us on the internet about your bites from a.
Speaker 2:Shut up. This has been the dog biting episode. Thank you for listening to Top Shelf Stories, you know.
Speaker 3:AI is probably going to name this. Adventures in Dog Ownership.
Speaker 1:We'll find out, and you will too. And it releases every Tuesday. Don't forget to hit the notification bell. We appreciate you listening to Top Shelf Stories.
