Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Unexpected Adventures from Steakhouse to Bar
We explore the wild nights that often leave lasting impressions, combining laughter and reflections on drinking habits. Through shared experiences in a Brazilian steakhouse and a game show battle room, we ponder the balance between indulgence and moderation while inviting listeners to share their own stories.
• Discussion about a colleague's decision to take a break from drinking
• Recollections of a memorable company outing at a Brazilian steakhouse
• Experiences from a game show battle room filled with competition
• Humor mixed with serious reflections on drinking habits
• Exploration of drinking culture and its consequences
• Call for listeners to share their own wild night stories
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, chris and Tony.
Speaker 2:What is up everyone? How you guys doing Dude great.
Speaker 1:I'm having a good day today, glorious. How about you, tony?
Speaker 2:It's alright, man. So we're having a little pre-pod banter, like we normally do, and uh, Today I think I want to talk about something one of my boys brought up, and that is he's quitting drinking fuck you, get out of here.
Speaker 1:He's quitting right, we were just talking he's quitting drinking uh temporarily.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't quit. My dad told me never be a quitter taking a break. That's fair.
Speaker 2:I gotta recharge my batteries and then I'll get back into the old, stupid drunkness so now, I was with you yesterday and you were drinking, and I was with you two days ago.
Speaker 3:I was really three days ago and you were really drinking. Or three days ago and you were really drinking. Go ahead, you want to tell that story.
Speaker 2:No, I mean, there's not really a story to tell.
Speaker 3:I don't even remember it. So if you told a story, I'd be like oh okay, that happened.
Speaker 2:I mean, I could tell it from the beginning, some would say you possibly ruined the night. I thought you said no, probably just the people paying for it.
Speaker 1:oh, wait so you wait a minute. What did I miss?
Speaker 3:so you and your wife, guys never invite me to anything fun I wasn't really invited.
Speaker 2:I didn't invite jay oh, it was was this a company, party or something it was a company party and I happened to employ his big brother, who happens to not have a plus one. So it was my idea I'm like you should invite your brother. Yeah, I guess. So you're saying you regret that? No, not at all. Okay.
Speaker 1:I regret nothing. Was this at like a hotel or a banquet center?
Speaker 2:No, we went to a Brazilian steakhouse where they bring you various meats on sticks.
Speaker 1:I've never had that experience, but I've heard great things.
Speaker 2:It's one of my favorite things. I love that place so much.
Speaker 3:I'll just interject. I thought I was going to be a little. I'm not saying it was terrible, I thought it would have been better than it was. I think the meats were half of them were like game, not game like well you tried lamb for the first time, which that was not a fan. Oh my god it was good at first. It had a bad aftertaste, yeah that that's lamb. I didn't know that. Now I do um and I thought euro meat was lamb meat, but I guess no, it's mostly just beef it's a blend.
Speaker 1:Right, it's a blend.
Speaker 3:It's like what it's like 80 seasoning and I love euro meat, so I was excited about this lamb, but it didn't taste like gyro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a little like when you have a real piece of chicken but you've only had Chicken McNuggets for your whole life, and you're like what the fuck is this?
Speaker 3:That's a boneless, skinless chicken breast. It was like slimy, slimy. I mean the first bite was great. Then, all of a sudden, I was just like, oh, what's going on here?
Speaker 1:I mean I had a big old leg of lamb on a skewer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, see, the thing with me is, I've tried all, all their meats.
Speaker 1:I've been there a bunch of times and you 100 eat the beef now yeah, there's.
Speaker 2:there's two of them that I get and everything else I let go by me. Every once in a while I take one of their little sausages. They're pretty good.
Speaker 3:I don't know. It looks like you took like everything Except for the lamb.
Speaker 2:No, I only took the sausage. I took one sausage, but they have little filet mignon chunks, the ones wrapped in bacon. Wrapped in bacon, them are okay, but they have this sirloin that they make and I don't know what the fuck the seasoning is and it gets like this really good crust on the outside and it's, you know, like rare on the inside.
Speaker 3:They're so fucking good. Tony only asks the guys that come around that haven't got a cut out of it yet, so he gets just the edge pieces he's like no, I'll wait.
Speaker 2:Well, normally when they're not, they were really busy and our table was really big. Yeah and uh, normally when they bring those out they cut you off the ends that are cooked. So it's rare. On both sides on, they have four pieces on it, so they have eight raw sides and then they go put it back because them big swords are the skewers back on cooking they put it back on. Burn the outside of those because you know they're real thick, all right, but these people were fucking like.
Speaker 1:Savage eating.
Speaker 2:No, they were slicing you off like sheets of paper.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they kept slicing you.
Speaker 2:Where normally they cut you off like a fucking steak. They were cutting you off these little sheets of paper and they kept cutting the rare stuff too and I'm like no bitch move on.
Speaker 3:No and they kept Okay, so they would cut it and you'd have to like, like physically stop them like no, I know, but physically stop them from cutting you another one, because they would not stop cutting you.
Speaker 1:It like I thought you were like okay, I want to get it on your plate. Keep doing. Have you put it in your face and get the freak out of there so that they can turn the next table?
Speaker 3:that's part of it too I don't know, man time I turned around, there's another piece of meat in my face and I was like I'm not used to regular old Saturday night. Yeah With Tony it was regular old Saturday night with Tony meat in your face.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Uh. A couple of my employees that were sitting in I shot at me and fucking everything that came by them.
Speaker 1:They were like yeah, yeah yeah, I think they hadn't done it just fucking piles of freshly sliced meat on their plate I don't like this fucking.
Speaker 3:Wipe that off the side fucking half chewed meat.
Speaker 1:Spit out the side of the plate they just take them like at a, at a. They just take your own plate and bring you a freshie or what.
Speaker 3:No, you just keep one plate and they just.
Speaker 1:You get a discard pile or no? You just got to keep your fatty pieces on your plate.
Speaker 3:You're not supposed to discard. You're supposed to suck down that fat. Anyway it was a good experience.
Speaker 1:It was a good experience, but Jay had 74 margaritas or what.
Speaker 2:No, it was a good experience. It was a good experience, but jay had 74 margaritas, or what? No, jay didn't drink that much there, no. And then, uh, we went and did it's. It's called the game show battle room yeah, I gotta do that.
Speaker 1:I got a gift card for that shit.
Speaker 2:Uh, jay said it was very cheesy it's corny but I think I think it's uh their jokes were corny. Yeah, of course, their style of the way they spoke was really corny Well yeah, they're trying to be like a fun version of a TV game show.
Speaker 3:I'm not hating. Well, I feel like you are hating. Okay, I'm hating a little bit, but I'm not hating where I would say it's not something that you could not do, because I think it's it was.
Speaker 1:But the the bartender there has a heavy pour.
Speaker 2:No, so Chris is waiting for when I got wasted this is this is where everything started is, uh, we got there and they double book. They double booked the room for a half hour. So the group before us, we walked in, you know 10 minutes early and they go just to let you know. Uh, when we booked it we thought the other book, the other party did you know like a 60 minute, and they actually did a 90 minute, so it's gonna be a half hour. And they said we got cans of beer and, uh, trulies and stuff here, but the place next door, the golf simulator place, they have a full bar. Okay, so immediately before anything else can be said, jay's like we're going over there, so him and his little crew walk over there, that crew I just walked over there, people followed he's got all the bad employees following his ass to the fucking gooch house not many came.
Speaker 2:He thought he was like the fucking fonz on happy days what are you talking about? Like he just turns around back to the crowd, snaps his fingers in the air points to the ceiling and then slowly changes that point to the door and he's like we're going guess what your wife came to sell.
Speaker 3:What does that say?
Speaker 2:She loves fucking liquor. No the thing too. She's like bar.
Speaker 3:I'm in. When we got to it there too, what tony explained about being double booked his wife got on that dude's case and was like if we're not, uh, we got a specific time, and if we do not get that time or you're not here for your time, you're skipped. And the guy was like flustered. He didn't know what to do because tony's wife is very demanding and she's strong woman. Tony's back in the corner fucking hands in his pockets. I'm like tony, this ain't my battle, you want to go help?
Speaker 2:your wife right here. She's got it. I already wrote the check. She's got it. No, they, uh, they make a big thing with all the shit you got to sign To be on time and all this other stuff To be on time. And they're like if you are not on time, your group will not get to go. Like everybody must be there 10 minutes early, blah, blah, blah, or you will not get to do your game show battle. Apparently there was a problem.
Speaker 1:Because they weren't holding themselves to the same standard. You should have got your money back, or something.
Speaker 2:They gave us a free drink they bought. There were 18 people and they bought them all around At the golf simulator.
Speaker 3:No, they gave everybody a can of beer or whatever I was like. All right, since we're going to be in this game show for an hour and I can't get a drink, give me the strongest beer you have and you gave me a long island in a can.
Speaker 2:She reserved it for like 13 people or something and like 18 people came, so we were supposed to pay like 35 a person for all the extra people and they're like you don't have to pay that and there's a whole round of drinks included. So it's like fucking $300 yeah it's a good that's a good worth of shit for waiting a half hour. I'm like I don't give a fuck oh yeah, you didn't.
Speaker 3:You're in the corner what do I care?
Speaker 2:I didn't have any other plans. We had an overnight sitter. Like the fuck does it matter to me if it's a half hour late?
Speaker 3:and the games. It was like family feud at first. Then it was guess the price of like price is right, kind of stuff. And there's like a was that called planco?
Speaker 2:where you dropped a little yeah, another thing of price is right yeah, so there's all these little games they Do.
Speaker 3:They have a giant wheel.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what is that game?
Speaker 2:It's actually called A Large Circle. They said they were sued out of calling it the big wheel. Oh gosh, really, I didn't even hear them say that, and Jay was noticeably drunk by then. Uh, but it did really good.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I killed. We, our team, kicked ass. We won by we destroyed them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got a trophy. It was so fucking. How'd you split them?
Speaker 1:up Boys versus girls, Plus it just came randomly.
Speaker 3:Everybody went to one side and then then everybody's, it's like what side you're on? That was your team, Kind of Okay on.
Speaker 2:That was your team kind of okay. Yeah, there's two long tables.
Speaker 3:I went and sat at one and then people, and then you became the phones and everybody followed you. Maybe I guess I don't. Actually I did. Yeah, I wanted to be on. You did.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you were really good a couple games and somebody else was on my team and joey, my brother, kicked him off my team because he wanted to be on my team.
Speaker 3:Who was it?
Speaker 2:I don't know, I forget I think ed. Ed and his brother were coming over by me.
Speaker 3:It's like, oh, you guys are over there, I'm over here with tony, but uh, yeah, it was fucking great challenges and then they have you take a picture at the end and they take up this picture for every person that's played uh, the winner. And they, they thumbtack it to the um the wall when you first walk in. When I take the picture, I took my shirt off or when you took a picture of us. Did you see? Did you see the? Picture I took my shirt off and I was just flipping everyone, I don't know.
Speaker 3:Dude, I was trying to have a little bit of fun. I was racing this no the picture. And then they got another picture. Though, tony, the picture with your phone I have, I put my shirt back. I put my shirt back on for that one, the one that their head has, is hanging up at the game plays my shirt's off.
Speaker 1:That's fantastic.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember turning to the side and seeing a bearskin rug.
Speaker 1:I was like what the fuck?
Speaker 2:Who wore the?
Speaker 3:weird sweater. After we finished, everybody wanted to go to Potawatomi. I'm like I can't, I'm not going.
Speaker 2:I'm like I, I can't, I'm not going, I'm not going, Uh, so I even told Jay that we'd drive so he could leave his phone in the car.
Speaker 3:I was like I can't go, I'm not going. Uh, anything else you want to do, I mean, let's just. I mean either that or just going to go home. And uh, you're I don't know if it was your wife or who, but we're like there's a bar down, down around the corner and I was like, okay, that sounds good, let's do it.
Speaker 2:So that's where, uh, the disaster happened so then he asked the people at the game show place can I leave my phone here?
Speaker 3:yeah, so half of us went to the bar and then I just kept getting double uh rum and cokes, and you know what I probably had like I don't know.
Speaker 2:You had five of them when you paid your tab and everybody left. But you wouldn't leave, so dan said you ordered another one and some shots. I probably did, I don't remember. And then you tried to start a fight with a random person.
Speaker 1:You wouldn't leave, so Dan said you ordered another one and some shots I probably did, I don't remember and then you tried to start a fight with a random person.
Speaker 2:I don't think that's true that Dan had to apologize to a lot. Now this sounds accurate. I believe it. Well, for those of you that never drank with Jay which I'm assuming is nobody who's listening to this everybody listening has drank with Jay.
Speaker 1:Put a comment on Apple.
Speaker 2:Podcasts, if you drank with Jay. Tell us your drinking with Jay story. But the fun thing about Jay is Jay is unlike any other drunk male I know he turns into a drunk female.
Speaker 1:He gets grabby, gets really touchy he gets really touchy like.
Speaker 2:There's never a time where he's not like rubbing your shoulder and and this is god honest you can call his brother right now for verification. He touched me in my penis so many times on purpose.
Speaker 3:I think I slapped you in your dick lots of times I don't get that move. I don't, I don't you know, it only makes sense when you're drinking. It doesn't make sense when you're drinking no, I do remember, I do remember this. I do remember tony throwing me around like a rag doll I remember.
Speaker 2:I remember knocking down rag doll. I remember knocking down a couple tables.
Speaker 3:I remember knocking down a couple tables with my body and chairs and things falling on top of me and Tony's standing there in all of his glory, going bitch.
Speaker 2:All right, this is what happened. It was all instinctual, it had nothing to do with anything. I would have done this to anybody my wife, anybody Try to touch my dick.
Speaker 3:Get out of here.
Speaker 2:He goes in for I can tell is going to be an epic dick twist. Why I don't?
Speaker 1:know.
Speaker 2:Now I know why I don't go out with you guys but much, much like shakira my hips don't lie I was able to dodge the dick twist, dick twist, and I grabbed him by the back of his neck and I didn't know what I was going to do at this point. But now I got this super hairy knack in my hands and jay fucking immediately goes limp now you're carrying him like a kid's toy by the neck, or what and I throw him face first into the ground.
Speaker 2:I'm holding a limp man who's desperately still trying to grab my dick with his fucking limp noodle arms. He's just trying to wave him toward my dick, so I throw him face first on the ground of this fucking filthy tavern, your exaggerations are unbelievable this is not an exaggeration. Okay, so call your brother or my brother and they will tell you the fucking same story.
Speaker 1:I recall in the beginning of this story that you stated that if tony said it happened, it did.
Speaker 2:Because you don't remember shit so I throw him to the ground and all right. So we, we just got done having this wonderful night that might explain the dick grabbing fine, fine dining. Brazilian wonderful night, a wonderful game show battle where jay is on a fucking high because he just won. I just won him.
Speaker 1:He's ripping his shirt off. It's like he won the Super Bowl. We're going to Disneyland.
Speaker 3:Well then I found out what trophy they actually gave us, and then I got mad.
Speaker 2:He tells the host, while he's standing there shirtless, that he's ready to be showered in Gatorade.
Speaker 1:Don't get the TV camera.
Speaker 3:Wed. I actually asked him to change shirts, with me A fucking jersey swap.
Speaker 2:So we go to this bar and I end up ragdolling him to the ground and throwing him where people walk, where their shoes touch his face. He's laying face down on the ground rolling around going, and my brother, who just got to experience all this wonderful shit for the whole night, he goes.
Speaker 3:that was the best part of the night, you know what's funny is I saw my pants, the other, I think, yesterday.
Speaker 2:You were pre-treating the vomit that came later.
Speaker 3:Well, no, my pants for some reason, were dusty from bottom to top by the zipper. Like they took my pants and threw them into a, a cloudy, just dirt fair enough. You were in them when that happened apparently I was I think I was in them so I don't know if I took those off, did I?
Speaker 2:uh, not while I was there, but you stayed.
Speaker 3:No, we I'm pretty sure we left right away.
Speaker 2:No, everybody was leaving and, uh, you were paying your tab, dan paid his tab and dan kept telling you it's time to go and you're like, hold on a minute, hold on a minute. And then you ordered more drinks. So you stuck around for at least another drink and a shot and, uh, dan said it was really tough getting you out of there and it was even tougher explaining to the guy that you were just really drunk and that you didn't actually want to fight him. So what about my side?
Speaker 3:bartender guy. What about my side?
Speaker 2:only one other guy in the entire bar.
Speaker 3:He said something racist to me, so I had to defend myself.
Speaker 2:So after that he called me a cracker. So after that I don't know what happens, but Michelle's like we get home. She's like you should call Jay or Dan and check up on him and make sure he got home. Okay, dan wasn't drinking. Dan's driving, it's fine. Like I'm not worried. They're fucking a grown-up men. I don't need to fucking call and check on the sober dude who drove the junk drunk dude home.
Speaker 3:He made it home he called me a junkie for a second and uh, so we get to work, you know monday.
Speaker 2:And dan's like, oh, do I got some stories to tell you? Well, there's only one actually. He's like he's like we fucking you guys leave jay's ordering drinks, buying people shots, fucking doing rumple mints, and he goes and he's fucking hammered now he's like starting shit with the only other person at the bar. He goes. I gotta divert that. And it's like this big ordeal. And I tell jay dude, we're getting out of here. And he's like you're gonna end up puking all over your fucking car. I know it. And he goes. We get all the way home and we're waiting for for the garage door of his building. He's like you gotta like drive down into the basement. He's like we're waiting for the door to open and jay's like, are you gonna make it? And he's like he opens the door and just falls onto the driveway of of the entrance ramp to his parking garage it's all on camera at the front desk dad's like, dan's like in the garage doors up, like I have to go through it now.
Speaker 2:He's like so I just go park the car, leave him on the ramp. He goes, he goes. So I I'm like I'll just walk to the back to the ramp and go get him. And uh, he's like so I grabbed the garage door opener so I can get the door open to go get jay outside. And he's like there's some lady coming down the ramp. Jay's leaned over, puking onto the grass, and there's some lady almost run him over, going onto the ramp. And he's like so I gotta stop this car from killing my brother. I gotta get him, I gotta drag him. I'd start taking him upstairs and he's like the whole way upstairs. He's like dad, you gotta stay overnight. And dad's like I'm sober man, I'm going home. Where the fuck am I supposed to sleep? He's like you're gonna sleep on the couch, your fucking father-in-law's sleeping in the chair, tracy's in the back. Where the fuck am I even supposed to sleep? Dad, you can't leave me alone, you have to stay.
Speaker 1:You're gonna go sleep in your closet you know it's uh.
Speaker 3:The next morning too, I looked at the damage and it looked like, uh, a pack of coyotes tore apart a small chihuahua with all that meat that I ate from that that restaurant. It looked like I woke up so hungry. No, I'm saying where I vomited.
Speaker 1:It looked like literally ate a hundred dollars for the beef it was all on Brazilian meats. And starving, the alcohol stopped all digestion. Your liver went from processing your food to processing the alcohol. Then you threw it all up, oh man the hangover had to be hell.
Speaker 3:I was going to say that the weird thing is I don't get hangovers really. I never vomited the next day. Uh, headaches are pretty tame. I felt fine. All I just don't think is I don't fucking remember what happened. You know well that.
Speaker 2:That's where the problem lies. Well, yeah, there's the problem well, you threw up all the rumpleman was that night a factor in your decision to quit drinking?
Speaker 3:yeah, sometimes you know a little bit, yeah, a little bit. But I and you were still on the fence yesterday yeah, well, that was an event bro, oh yeah, but I, I like I said I do this like once a year, I take a couple months and I was like, fuck, this is probably the best time after I just fucking, almost, you know, made a fool of myself, fool bender, yeah, and just went crazy. I might as well start today, or maybe the next day, because I'm going to the Bucs game.
Speaker 2:So do you have a hard time just having a social beer? No, you're fine with just like having a beer.
Speaker 1:The thing is um, so if you have three beers or whatever, in my experience you have three beers two hours later it's nap time. Yeah, I mean, if you keep drinking, you don't get you don't get the sleepies. So, like if you had like three beers in the beginning of a basketball game and then don't have another one after halftime, you're going to start to get sleepy by the end of the game.
Speaker 3:You get sleepy If you don't eat you. If you do eat, you lose, uh your buzz.
Speaker 3:So all that work you've done is uh 12 ounces at a time baby is all is all down the drain so you can't eat because you want the buds buzz to last a little longer. And then sometimes it could just be, you know, if we're all night uh, an all-night thing I'm getting drinks and it's just non-stop. That's when it you know it can be disastrous. But again, I I think it's not like I I have to go home now and drink a beer because I'm got the shakes, like I don't drink that much right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know you're not like an everyday drinker. No dude, I could never drink every day but is that the thing, like I've noticed a couple times I've been around you when you were drinking, drinking, yeah that you're always in a race against yourself. What does that mean?
Speaker 3:like you're in a competition nobody else knows about, like no, I think it's more of just like how hammered can?
Speaker 2:I actually get.
Speaker 3:It's more of like a relaxing thing for for you to be in, like you're in a situation where you're hanging out and I'm having a discussion with you, we're chilling, we're like you, you got something, you need something to do, so you drink. I mean I'm not going to order a fucking water. Yeah, like an adult. Well, yeah, I mean, who orders the water? I?
Speaker 1:do some serious binge drinking for events Like last night. I had two cocktails at home, then I had two beers two 12-ounce beers at the bar, before Then three or four beers 16 ounces at the venue, so that I mean that's a decent amount of beer, but that was like I knew all week. I was like, oh, the Bucks game, I'm going to go to them and have these beers. If I go to like a concert, like if it's a Saturday concert, I'm probably starting drinking around like two in the afternoon and I'll have a good buzz going by the time the show starts at eight.
Speaker 1:The problem is me, and then if I decide that I'm going to keep drinking, then yeah, by the end of the night I'm sloshed Like it's messy.
Speaker 3:And have you eaten anything throughout this time?
Speaker 1:Typically, like you're saying, when I start for a concert, I forcefully have a meal because I know that if I don't, I'm going to get super hungry at the end of the night and the alcohol is going to destroy me and I'm going to be non-functioning human. I don't want to be non-functioning human, I want to think I'm functioning and then realize the next day like oh shit, check the Uber.
Speaker 1:Damn 3.15?. What the fuck did I? Oh shit, I went by dave's house after well, that's what you're like. Oh man, he always has yag. Oh, I was drinking jagermeister after dark.
Speaker 3:That's why you needed tony in your life, the sober one that can tell you what you have done. No, I don't want you forgot. No life the sober one that can tell you what you have done. No, I don't want that, that you forgot.
Speaker 1:No, because then the sober guy can come tell an embarrassing story on a podcast about me. If it's just me, I don't care at all.
Speaker 3:I really don't.
Speaker 1:No I don't.
Speaker 3:I've had so many of them that I mean. I don't and honestly, aside from all the dick twisting.
Speaker 2:I don't think think you really did anything like you. You weren't like a spectacle of the evening or anything like that. I thought it was. No, you were just.
Speaker 3:The dude was a little hammered and made everybody laugh a bunch because you were fucking no, yeah, I mean, and if there was more people around it probably been a lot worse, because there's more for me to get in in trouble with yeah, yeah, fucking around with people, you were, as people would say, harmless. Yeah, I'm not like you know, until you start going for the cock when you say that I'm trying to get in a fight.
Speaker 3:That got a little weird. When you say I'm trying to get in a fight with someone, I'm really not an aggressive drunk.
Speaker 2:I'm not a fighter.
Speaker 1:You are very aggressive. I defend myself an aggressive drunk. I'm not a fighter. You are very aggressive.
Speaker 3:I defend myself no.
Speaker 1:I defend myself aggressively.
Speaker 3:Aggressively, yes, irrational, yeah, I will. I irrationally defend myself with no reason.
Speaker 2:But I wasn't even getting into the story to tell that story. Yeah, I know, I was just finding out what is the reason you decided to take a break from the liquor.
Speaker 3:Like I said, you need to recharge the batteries. You can't go your whole life drinking. I mean because I'll be drinking once, once or twice a week and you do that for you know, um 40, whatever that many years, 32 years. Well, I started when I was five, so let's add another five.
Speaker 1:There started drinking when you were five well, he was born.
Speaker 2:He was born and raised in west alice.
Speaker 3:I was born drunk when I was, but when I was born I was in West Allis. I was born drunk when I was born.
Speaker 2:I was just fucking kids drunk. Sneaking liquor at all, the door to door, jehovah's Witnesses.
Speaker 3:You need to recharge and I mean, if I could never drink alcohol again, I would be a happy person. But again, it's very easy to get everywhere you go. It's right in front of your face, everyone did you ever think of? No, doesn't up liquor for good and just uh like heroin, maybe a man's thing like cocaine I could never do that, I mean I've never done any hard drugs. I don't trust myself me neither. Look at me with alcohol. What the fuck? What happened if I coked myself up?
Speaker 2:dude and I'm not, I'm not, I'm not like trying to start shit with you or anything, but dude with that nose the amount of coke.
Speaker 3:I could hide a fucking eight ball right up my left nostril. Is that what it's called an eightol?
Speaker 2:I think that's a measurement.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know yeah, don't do drugs don't do drugs, just drink your ass I get the breaking on the stopping on the alcohol I don't drink very often, but the weekends for sure, you got, you got. You guys all have good control my stuff is always on like an event and I like to have uh, I normally have three or four when we're here, maybe five yeah, I mean four, maybe five.
Speaker 3:Uh well, I packed five today.
Speaker 1:I packed five beers today in a water well, again too well, I think the one you're drinking is non-alcoholic?
Speaker 2:I don't know, it looks like a fake beer. It tastes like.
Speaker 1:It tastes a lot like a heineken. What I got here is a Chang Chang C-H-A-N-G classic beer from Thailand with natural ingredients. It's a product of Thailand. It is used to be a boy brewed at Cosmos Brewery in Thailand, and someone had him over at my house and left three or four in the fridge. So I'm drinking them. It's not bad. I don't know what the alcohol content on it, but I don't think it's NA 5%. It's all in the metric system.
Speaker 3:There you go 5% when I was young.
Speaker 1:Consumption of alcohol make beverages impairs your ability to drive a car and may have you dick twist your friends. So I don't know. It says it on the bottle, I guess.
Speaker 3:When I was younger, my grandpa liked to drink a lot. He liked to taste the beer, but he would also be responsible about it. So he'd buy non-alcoholic stuff and he would store that down in the basement. And my friends and I would always not always. We went down there a couple times and drank a bunch of them and we're like, oh, he's looking you. How do you feel, man? You feel drunk. Like yeah, dude, I feel something, something's going on. And then we found out, uh, I don't know, years later that there was no alcohol and he's non-alcoholic. And, um, I swear to god, till this day I think I was drunk off those non-alcoholic beers. I doubt it, I don't think it's possible, I don't know. But I don't understand anybody that can drink it, loving the taste, especially non-alcoholic beers. I mean, there's no good ones. Sure there are. Which one? Give me a name Diet soda, glast House makes a good one but it's a.
Speaker 1:German beer. It tastes like German beer.
Speaker 3:So if you want a Miller Lite no, there's not like a Do you like beer enough to drink it?
Speaker 1:and not get a buzz. I've had NA beers.
Speaker 3:Well, I know I've had them too.
Speaker 1:For example, there was a girl I was dating and we would go to her grandparents' house on.
Speaker 2:Easter, how recent was this Before my wife.
Speaker 3:Okay, Chris is going to be like what is this?
Speaker 1:And they didn't drink, but they knew I drank and they knew that her dad drank, their son drank, so they would always buy a 12-pack of NAs and we would have like three or four of them while we were tinkering on the tractor, doing this other thing, eating dinner or whatever. I've never purchased NA beer. I don't see any reason to be drinking it. No, I would much rather have like a fruit punch or something.
Speaker 3:I'm not going to go for alcohol or a.
Speaker 1:Sprite. I enjoy the flavor of beer. Like I'll have a beer with dinner and that'll be it. Like a Sprite, I enjoy the flavor of beer. I'll have a beer with dinner and that'll be it. I enjoy a beer.
Speaker 3:That's something I can't do. I cannot have beer with eating something. It makes whatever I'm eating taste like shit.
Speaker 1:I don't know. Big steak and some thick-cut American french fries there, well, I tried that already. It didn't work, or whatever American French fries there.
Speaker 3:Well, I tried that already it didn't work.
Speaker 1:Or whatever American French fries Saturday, american fries, some yeah it's good stuff to have one beer or one cocktail with your meal. I've also started drinking bourbons, which is like the opposite end. That's like you're tasting the alcohol. You want the alcohol, you want the oak barrel flavor, you want the, you want to feel, you know, you want to taste what's underneath the distiller's fingernails and that shit right that's the one thing too.
Speaker 3:I, if I stuck to just beer and I wasn't drinking the hard liquor that I was on that night, I would have probably been. I mean, I still would have been buzzed and probably drunk, but I wouldn't have been fucking dick twisting like Tony fucking puts it. I would have been, oh yeah. And then Tony's like hey, come over here, knowing I'm drunk, come here and gamble, dude, it took like two or three yeah, you did.
Speaker 3:You're like dude, this thing pays out like crazy. I'm like which machine should I play, tony? You know more than I do. I don't even know how to play these ones.
Speaker 2:They're the ones with the really big screens, you were like, oh, there's gambling, let me go to this ATM real quick.
Speaker 3:I don't even know how many hundreds I took out. Lost it all within five minutes.
Speaker 2:I don't know either, but you came back with $50 in poll tabs. You took a couple bucks.
Speaker 3:I had 50 pull tabs. I think I won $7. And I just gave it to the bartender as a tip it was ridiculous Gambling at the bar.
Speaker 1:It's illegal to gamble in the state of Wisconsin.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:I mean, unless you go into a bar where you're drinking and it's unregulated and you can trick people. It's like a coupon.
Speaker 3:And what if you actually win a giant prize? How and who is going to cash that? They cash it right at the bar. Okay, they're going to cash a $10,000 winning.
Speaker 1:I worked at a bar and I won big pots at this same bar and he'll pay. Normally they'll give you a paper payout. If it's over, like $700, $500, $600 or whatever, they'll give you a sheet of paper and you got to come in the morning because they don't want to give you a bunch of money like that at the bar, when you know whatever they don't want to.
Speaker 1:Have the little bartender who doesn't have access to safe to start counting out thirteen hundred dollars or whatever. No, it makes sense. So you. But what ends up happening is these degenerate drinking gamblers who win at the bar. They're like, ah, just let's get around for a little, and all of a sudden their $1,200 win is like 600 bucks and they come back and get it, because there ain't nothing better than someone.
Speaker 1:You know Like I used to go to this bar and I'd like knew all the people like that was my corner bar, I would go to all the time and all the little people that were like you know, I work at this, I don't have a wife and kids and I work at this high paid place. They'd. They'd smash like four or five hundred dollars in a pull tabs every single night, jesus, but when they hit they'd buy everybody drinks. So it's like you don't even win when you win, bro, but there's nothing better, because then you you know all of a sudden that guy's the best guy at the bar, everyone's friends with them, everyone's doing shots. You don't have to pay for him, he's paid so um how much did you lose on that?
Speaker 2:I lost 60 bucks. I lost 40 in the machine and 20 in the poll tabs. You got so machines and $20 in the pull tabs.
Speaker 3:So you spent $20 in the pull tabs. Everyone was a loser.
Speaker 2:No, I got like $11 back.
Speaker 3:And then you put it back in the pull tabs again. No, I didn't.
Speaker 2:Okay, I put it in my pocket.
Speaker 3:That's impossible, Right well.
Speaker 1:When you're pull tabbing, it's all or nothing. You got to hit that hundo or you're done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was kind of done at that point.
Speaker 3:Doesn't it go to like $1,000 for the top price for a?
Speaker 2:pull tab. I don't know, those ones were $599 or something $600.
Speaker 1:This has been another exciting, informative, compelling, educational episode of Top Shelf Stories. We appreciate you listening. Please continue to tune in. Tell your friends about it. Hit the notification bells If you've got Apple Music. The big thing for Apple Podcasts is leave a review. That helps us out a lot. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Chris, that's my pitch. And remember, when you're drinking, your friends really don't want you touching their dick. Shut up, Tony.
Speaker 3:So drinking your friends really don't want you touching their dick. Shut up, Tony Sober, drunk, still don't. What I was going to say is dare, Drugs are really expensive. There you go, good night, we'll be right back.
