Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Vegas Antics: Drunken Promises and Casino Capers
This episode dives into a hilarious and chaotic night in Las Vegas, where a lost phone leads to a comical ransom attempt. The adventures share the laughter and camaraderie of friends navigating drunken mischief, revealing the unpredictable nature of fun in Sin City.
• Tales of drunk antics and unforgettable moments
• A frantic search for a lost phone in a casino
• The amusing phone ransom twist that unfolds
• Unexpected tension and comedy in the phone negotiations
• The value of friendship amidst chaos and laughter
top shelf stories with jay, chris and tony.
Speaker 3:Once upon a time. I was waiting for you to say anything.
Speaker 2:I'm sitting in a Las Vegas casino.
Speaker 2:My brother next to me, my friend on the other side of me, my brother on the other end of the table, two brothers, two brothers with me and I'm sitting there playing and my wife and my friend's wife are out out in these streets, out in vegas, just getting hammered. Okay, just they come up and they're in that hammered state where they're still happy, where nobody's crying. Yet it's my favorite part you got criers as drunks. Well, there's three stages. Well, there's, there's actually, like my wife's, not a crying drunk, apparently the other girl is I definitely couldn't see your wife crying yeah peaked its head out later.
Speaker 2:But uh, my wife's a very happy drunk, and then at a certain point something happens to her eyes stamps, they get cross-eyed and she passes out one of them starts. One of them starts trying to look around the back of her head for a minute. That's when I know it's been too much. It's called.
Speaker 2:It's called glass eye and then at a certain point she looks me dead in my face, doesn't matter where we are, who we're with, who's listening, could be a kid present, doesn't matter. She just looks at me with the with, with the fire in her eyes, and goes I'm gonna suck your dick. And then I'm like, okay, I'm clean and puke. That's what I know. It's. It's too late. That's hilarious. It's too late.
Speaker 2:I could have saved her 10 minutes earlier, but now it's too late so she's a liar, drunk liar you know, she's never been drunk and told me she was gonna suck my dick, and actually sucked it what a tease do you just remember this?
Speaker 3:when she's drunk just remember the same.
Speaker 2:And then she's like oh, I'm sorry, I didn't actually suck it, no, she she went by the time she says it she has no memory of being anywhere and so she never remembered. You ever said hey, remember when you said it's just the next morning. She's like what happened to tuesday, you know you.
Speaker 2:You're like hey, you owe me like 1600, dick sucks for all the times you were drunk no, it's only happened like three times oh, you made it sound like she's only got past the point of no return. But on this particular time we're sitting we're actually sitting at a mississippi stud table. Everybody's raking into cash, except me story of my life and uh, we see these two drunk white girls walking up and we know it's ours and they are fucking hammered.
Speaker 1:They're causing a scene everywhere they walk hammered.
Speaker 2:We see them from afar, walking toward us down the aisle, stopping to randomly dance to no music, holding each other's hands, skipping to and fro it's really quite the deal, sure and she walks up to the table and she says I heard there's a bar somewhere in this casino that has cheap martinis. And the bartender points them in the opposite direction and they go. We're going on our merry way. So about five minutes later mine comes back to me. She says hey, I lost my phone. Oh no, and I said well, last time I remember you having your phone was when you were at the other bar and you were texting me that there's a guy being super creepy by you, but you think you can handle it. Oh, no, by you, but you think you can handle it. And I texted you. I texted you back and I got no response.
Speaker 1:So I would be led to believe he's not in your phone that it's at that bar, or he stole it.
Speaker 2:So her and her friend, you know, prance away.
Speaker 1:Whatever the fuck they're doing, they're still happy at this bar, at this casino, a different bar at the casino no, so so this, this casino, it's former formerly bally's.
Speaker 2:It's currently the horseshoe. And if you go right out the front door there's this little kind of bizarre area. It's like little shops and you know you need some tchotchkes or a picture of you fucking green screened in front of the Bellagio or whatever. There's all these little shops out there and there's a little bar out there and that's where they were drinking and the casino bar is the one with the cheap martinis. So they were heading toward that way. When I say cheap martinis, we're talking under $20 for a singular drink. So they're trying to head over to this place and I tell them I think you left it at that last bar because you didn't respond to my last text and it's got to be out there. So she calls that bar and they're like we'll check the lost and found and call you back and we're like this is like a little nine-seat outdoor bar. I'm like ain't, nobody got this fucking phone Right. So she goes in between the two bars. I did go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go check that bathroom, like all right, good I've.
Speaker 3:If you had the iphone, you could just find my phone I don't want that shit on my phone well, you could, you, you have that you have that, but go on chris. You just call chris up. You'll be like, hey, this is how you do to find your phone.
Speaker 2:You have that but uh, she goes prancing away looking for it and she can't find it anywhere. So she goes back to the bar and while she's on her way back to the first bar to go look for herself if she dropped it underground or something that bar calls me, and they go. We checked the lost and found no sign of this phone it's nice of them to call back.
Speaker 1:I'm like all right more than you should expect yeah.
Speaker 2:So all the guys are talking and they're like, yeah, she must have left it in the bathroom. So I decide to start calling the phone over and over and over sure because when I call it, it comes up on the screen as hubby and not like whatever you know. Joe Smith or whatever or just a random number?
Speaker 3:Bitch comes up as bitch.
Speaker 2:So I come up as hubby. So if it is a good Samaritan.
Speaker 1:You would answer hubby.
Speaker 2:So I call over and over and over and a chick answers, answers and she goes. I'm not your wife, but I found this phone in the bathroom sitting on top of the toilet paper holder in the bathroom at the horseshoe casino, and I said. I said that's where I am. I said where are you? I'll come get it and I take off. She was about 15 feet from me. Well, really fit 15 Vegas feet.
Speaker 2:So like a city block it's like a city block away and, uh, I grabbed the phone from her and then I got the phone on me. I walked back to the table. All the guys are like, oh shit, you found it already. And guys are like, oh shit, you found it already. And I'm like, yeah, piece of cake, and I'm sitting there waiting for her to come back from this fuel bar. You know the bar outside the casino.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I see her friend, who she's with who's? You know the friend I'm playing cards with wife who's sitting next to me, and it starts. It starts ringing her name, sam starts ringing, sam's calling, sam's calling. So I answer the phone and I just go. I got your phone. I want $100 for it back.
Speaker 2:And then, sam, she doesn't recognize my voice because she's fucking hammer drunk. And she goes Michelle, some guy's got your phone and he wants $100. And Michelle's like tell him we'll pay it. And she goes, we'll pay it. And I'm like you're goddamn right. And she goes where do you want to meet? And now here I'm thinking this is going to be hilarious, right, because we're at this table that is directly in front of the gigantic cashier station. Sure, okay, they know this. They were just by us, this cashier's right there. They know where this is. And I said I'm standing next to a card table in front of the cashier at the Horseshoe Casino in Las Vegas, nevada, and they go, we're in the Horseshoe. And I said, good, find the cashier booth. And I hung up. Okay, they call me back a minute later and I said are you by the cashier booth? I know damn well they're not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know what I'm looking for and they're like we cannot find the cashier booth and I said you better ask somebody. And I hung up again everybody at the table's fucking cracking up.
Speaker 2:The dealer can't even fucking the dealer can't even deal out the cards right now. Then they call back and they go. I don't know who you are, but I'm in the horseshoe casino. I cannot find the cashier. Can you tell me where it is? I said if you want this fucking phone back, you'll get my $100 and you'll figure out where the goddamn cashier booth is. And I hung up.
Speaker 2:I don't believe this story. So they call back again and they're like where is the cashier booth? And I said it's in the middle of the casino. I said find somebody with a name tag on and ask them. They'll point you to where it is. I said it's right by all the card tables. Now that should have sparked something off in their head, going my husband's at the car tables, yeah.
Speaker 1:But they would have no idea that you would have the phone.
Speaker 3:Right and why isn't Michelle grabbing the phone by?
Speaker 1:this point when they're talking about her phone, because it's Sam's phone they're calling from.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So Sam's not giving Michelle the phone Right. And Sam said all right, girl, deal with this guy, it's your phone.
Speaker 2:So at this point they should be calling me, or sam should be calling her husband saying, hey, the guy who has michelle's phone is right by all the card tables. You guys are on the card table just go get it, we don't have to pay this phone.
Speaker 1:Give him a hundred dollars don't even give him a hundred bucks. Fuck that guy.
Speaker 2:You're a bunch of guys and and uh, I hang up on her again and they call back and sam, and sam is yelling at me now going why are you holding this phone for ransom? And I said, because I'm broke I need a hundred dollars. And I happen to have this phone. And I hang up again. Everybody at the like, everybody, they're like laughing and cheering as I'm tormenting these women in the background. So so not only are they listening to me be super direct, mildly rude and extorting them for money, but they're also hearing 10 people laughing hysterically in the background at this.
Speaker 3:How far away are they from you?
Speaker 2:At this point. I can see them on the other end of the casino walking in circles.
Speaker 3:You can see them.
Speaker 2:They have no idea. Oh, this is great, and Sam goes and Sam says to me she goes, she goes. Well, we're right by the front entrance and everybody at the table because now they're on speakerphone. Everybody at the table is looking at them and you can see them down there just looking around. The cashier's booth is 40 feet long and it's made out of gold.
Speaker 1:I've been to this casino, I know of this.
Speaker 2:And they're going. We cannot find the cashier's booth, sam goes, I'll give you 300 if you come to us. And I said. I said, look, lady, the ball's in my court and I hung up again and oh, you got 300 bucks, lady.
Speaker 2:It's 300 to get your phone now and so now, now I get like my eighth phone call from them and I can see their. They are walking closer and and uh, now it's michelle on the phone and she's screaming. Where I can hear her yelling with my ear and the phone on the other ear and there's like a you know like a quarter second delay. So it's kind of fucked up and echoey in my head and she goes give me back my fucking phone, you fucking piece of shit and she's, she's fucking yelling and I'm laughing so fucking speaker for everyone around you to
Speaker 2:hear it. I'm laughing so fucking hard on the inside, but on the outside I go. I said something along the lines of you got two minutes to find the cashier booth, or I'm throwing this phone in a fucking garbage can, or I'm killing the phone and I hang up again. So my wife starts walking toward me now at a fucking pace and she's walking at this pace and coming directly up to me to get me to have her back and to go get this fucking phone back from this fucking asshole that's got her phone and as she's walking toward me, she's calling it.
Speaker 2:I'm holding her phone just in the air. I'm not looking at her, I'm not paying her any attention, but I'm just holding it in the air while I'm still playing my game. No phones at the table so I can't set it down. I'm just holding it so she can see her cover, sure, while she's walking toward me and she goes, somebody's got my fucking phone and I'm like, yeah, it's me and she's like you mother she's like you, mother, she's like how could you do that to us?
Speaker 2:And I said how can you not recognize my voice on the phone? Ryan's laughter in the background, like you had all the clues. Unbelievable dude and can you believe, after all, that she didn't give me my hundred dollars?
Speaker 3:what are you looking for? Good one, jay we gotta tell you what the fuck you're talking about a point at the board, that means cue the music.
Speaker 2:Motherfucker. You could tell the story was coming to an end.
Speaker 3:That was great, so yeah, anyway, you didn't get your hundred dollars.
Speaker 2:I didn't get my hundred dollars.
Speaker 1:I think she's hit me up for a payment plan I think you, she owes you three because you brought it to her I think so that actually sounded like a skit from a movie like that.
Speaker 3:Was that perfect? It could have been on a movie like you did a great job explaining that like you sounded like you took your time to figure out how you're going to present this to us well, I just told the true story that happened to me last week.
Speaker 2:That was listen I tried.
Speaker 3:Really the highlight of my trip listen, I tried, I tried telling true stories all the time and they end up sounding like bullshit. That was amazing, tony, congratulations. Thank you, tony.
Speaker 2:Congratulations.
Speaker 3:Thank you Great. See you guys next time.
Speaker 2:Hit us up on the internets.
