Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Stand-Up Struggles and Success Stories
This episode showcases a hilarious yet chaotic event where friends forced each other into a comedy challenge. The conversation dives deep into their experiences, the nature of friendship, the art of comedy, and reflects on the unexpected outcomes of their stand-up night.
• Friends share the diabolical challenge of performing stand-up comedy
• Tension rises as they recount preparation for the big show
• Live performances lead to unexpected hilarity and chaos
• Lessons learned about comfort zones and overcoming fears
• Reflections on the support of friendship and humor
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Top Shelf Stories with Jay, chris and Tony.
Speaker 2:What's going on compadres? What's up dude? Not much, hey, man. So today I wanted to prompt you guys to tell a story. I want to know what is the most diabolical thing you've ever done to another human being.
Speaker 3:Because I have one story in particular that I love to tell, and I'll tell it at the end, wait, but here's the thing though you brought that on us like dropped it.
Speaker 2:I need time to think about what diabolical things I've done, Something like the most diabolical thing you've ever done.
Speaker 1:you know what is I don't think I've done it, then really, yeah, yet I don't know, I don't know there has to be something you've never done something to your brother that was like so fucked up and like I would feel too bad.
Speaker 2:Fucked up his life for like a week with your parents or something like that.
Speaker 3:I'm trying to think of that.
Speaker 2:That was the first thing I went to when you set him up set him up for something when the first, when you said that it's the first thought I went to like, like when you tell me when you told me about the time that your brother couldn't bring girls in the house anymore so he set up a tent in the backyard. You're, you're telling me that that wasn't you're telling me that that wasn't your fault somehow, tony first, off. You put your brother in the yard, not on the street but in the yard.
Speaker 3:First off, tony, he was like almost 40. And I was.
Speaker 2:Still fucking holes in the backyard, huh.
Speaker 3:I was living on my own with three kids and he's got a tent and I think at this time he was working for me, so I had to knock on his tent to get him up in the morning to go to work.
Speaker 2:The canvas wasn't loud enough to wake him up, though.
Speaker 3:I threw rocks at his tent. They just bounced right off. They don't make any noise. I got to shake it like earthquake test. No, literally, that's not one. I got to think about it because I don't know offhand a diabolical, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't feel like I've done anything. That's been very diabolical. Like one time in high school I got busted with some weed and the cop asked who it was from and I used a real person. But like I knew that person had no like. It was just a real name that came to my brain, but I don't know if that's diabolical. Like where'd you get the weed man?
Speaker 3:and you're like frank from ohio, yeah yeah, he did. I would say something diabolical when I was a manager at qdoba, but it wasn't me doing it. Someone else putting really extreme dave's hot hot sauce in the ground beef, that I mean, but it wasn't me doing it though, so it's not me being a cause for mass diarrhea cause for mass diarrhea. You were involved in it I kind of was and I noticed something was wrong when the customer went up to the soda machine when everybody is shitting themselves in the lobby when the customer was going up to the soda machine like six times in 20 minutes and I turned around and looked in the kitchen.
Speaker 3:I see my brother and one of our cooks just giggling. I'm like fuck, they did something. And I turn around and look in the kitchen. I see my brother and one of our cooks just giggling.
Speaker 1:I'm like fuck, they did something and I know what it was, but I found out that's not very diabolical. All right, someone could have died.
Speaker 3:I mean some of the people have heart issues.
Speaker 1:Man, I wish I had a good story for this. I have to have had no conscience for one act in life, so I'm going to tell you about mine Can't wait.
Speaker 2:So this one time, when I was a little bit younger, I was in a competition with a couple of my buddies and I won said competition. So I did like like I wanted to make something seem like that it wasn't a big deal, but I wanted to make it like the biggest deal and like just destroy these people. So what I did was I arranged something that they thought was going to be no big deal, no sweat, but I made my two friends do seven minutes of stand-up in front of a fucking live audience.
Speaker 3:That was nothing. It was five minutes, Tony. I thought it was supposed to be 15. Oh, it's 15. You're right.
Speaker 2:It was 15.
Speaker 1:There's a five in there. I was counting on seven Dude. That's not diabolical. It was, it's 15. You're right, it was 15. There's a five and I was counting on seven Dude. That's not diabolical.
Speaker 2:It was diabolical.
Speaker 1:For me it kind of was that was like the coolest, one of the coolest days of my life, I think.
Speaker 2:So for you, for you it worked out, you embraced it. It did not go that way for everybody.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, there's only one other person they couldn't have gone good for, and that's me.
Speaker 2:I think in this plot I put almost more effort into this than I do into my marriage.
Speaker 1:Combined of the whole, what 20 years now? And crammed it into two weeks of this planning for this.
Speaker 3:He spent thousands of dollars on this production. He he coordinated with his entire staff at the campground.
Speaker 2:I came up with a venue that I that I knew was going to be crowded, but I didn't. I did not think it was going to get to the level that it did.
Speaker 1:It was so hard, oh my God, people could not get in either door of this place.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to start by saying I tell these two fellows that I won the competition. You have one month to prepare 15 minutes of stand-up comedy.
Speaker 2:Now, if you're unfamiliar with stand-up comedy, a real comedian could work for over a year to come up with 15 solid minutes of comedy elite in this and the stand-up comedy, uh realm and and this is mind-boggling to other comedians can release one new hour of stand-up over a calendar year. They practice it, they've perfected. Every night they bounce ideas off, they figure out what works, they fine-tune it, they hone it, they look to, they look to their peers for for, uh, punch-ups. You know, like this, this is like a honing their craft for a whole year to come up with 60 minutes and I'm making you only do a quarter of that I stood in front of my stove where the clock was and watched the clock tick as my practice bounced off.
Speaker 1:I didn't have any peers.
Speaker 2:And the thing is is when you got into it and you get like three pages of notes in and then you go do it in front of the clock and you realize that that's like three and a half minutes and you got to keep writing and keep writing and try to figure out what's going to work. But I went through so I created a backdrop. I got some brick printed shower curtains, I built a whole thing out of conduit so that there was a whole backdrop. I, I hired people, I locked in a venue and I locked in a venue at my campground, which doesn't sound like a big deal, but on a busy weekend, I mean, there's 4,000 people at my campground. Your place is gigantic.
Speaker 3:And there's one bar and people eat bugs for money there.
Speaker 2:That bar has a fire marshal capacity of like 210 people, commercial capacity of like 210 people and, uh, they put in a flyer. Hey, free stand-up show, come on, come on up to the bar, man, be amused for an hour or two so you've been in this cag brown for many years what did you?
Speaker 3:hardly know, anybody, okay what did you think was gonna happen? What was your first inkling? Like you think, you think it was going to be okay, turn out maybe half the bar filled On the average night in that bar like a Saturday night For nothing going on.
Speaker 2:Nothing going on, Maybe like a Badger game up on the TV or something. There's probably 75 people there.
Speaker 3:And that fills it? What?
Speaker 2:not even yeah uh, like twice a month they bring in like a karaoke act in there and that brings in probably 150 people into that bar, which which it's packed, but it's not like shoulder to shoulder. On our stand-up night there was a line. It was fucked up. There was a line both entrances to even be able to get in.
Speaker 1:It was shoulder to shoulder there are people out on the deck outside like?
Speaker 2:outside, just holding the door open, trying to hear the fucked up words they think this is a professional.
Speaker 3:Oh, they did stand up comedy show. They had no idea that it was our first time ever doing it that it was just some fucking slacks that were forced into standing in front of someone for 15 minutes and trying to be funny, which I I mean even in front of you guys, two people I know for years. Trying to be funny is hard enough.
Speaker 2:Now you're trying to impress strangers Hundreds, hundreds. So I hired a guy to manage our sound and lighting, which ended up being like the biggest disaster that was the biggest struggle.
Speaker 2:There was that microphone situation I had to fucking yell into the thing for anybody to hear you at all that guy was slow and and because I knew that this could go really bad for you guys it could go great, but more than likely was going to go really poorly for you guys I decided that I was going to make it a little fun for me, since I was the one ponying up all the cash, and I dressed you guys up and uh, that had to be my favorite part of the whole night. I I dressed chris up like uh 1989 gallagher stripy shirt, suspenders, newsy hat, the whole deal. And uh. I dressed jay up like eddie murphy in the recording of raw, so he was wearing a red leather, red leather suit and which is now hanging right here above us in the studio as a memento.
Speaker 2:My favorite part of it is I ordered this pleather suit off Amazon and I figured you know this shit's coming straight from Asia. So I ordered a small, because I'm like a small will fit Jay, but an Asian small he's going to have to roll this thing on like a condom. So what size?
Speaker 3:is this.
Speaker 2:I order this Asian small.
Speaker 3:That's an Asian small.
Speaker 2:It comes in and I put it on because I'm like this thing looks awfully big, it looks like it would fit you. I had lots of room. So I'm like, okay, now Jay's going to be drowning. But I also hired a real stand-up comedian to come up between you guys, Just so the audience isn't After us. Just so the audience isn't completely disappointed. No, you went up after her.
Speaker 3:No, I went before her. She was the last. Was she? Yes, it was. Chris went up after her. No, I went before her. She was last. Was she? Yes, it was Chris B and then her. Hmm, watch the video. She was the end. No, no, she did not go before me. There's no way I would have been able to handle her going before me and waiting all that. I went away for 20 minutes for Chris because he couldn't stop talking. I was having so much fun up there.
Speaker 1:Everyone was looking at me. I was the center of attention. I had no cards that told me which joke to tell next. I was loving it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Chris, you were alive up there. I was loving it. I was dying in the back.
Speaker 1:There were so many people in there that I even acknowledged some of the crowd that was behind the stage with one of my moves. It was pretty awesome. I have to watch it again. The sound quality was the worst, though it was terrible. I think I was louder when I was just yelling versus talking in the microphone.
Speaker 3:Just fucking turn the microphone off and yell. It was bad. But there was also people at the bar that were not paying attention and talking and conversating where it was not a real comedy show. So even the comic, the one you hired was like she was angry that people were not paying a hundred percent attention to her. Where, I mean, we're at a bar at a fucking campground, what the hell do you expect? So she was, she was upset with, but you know she was very upset with that.
Speaker 2:And then people walking around and yeah, because, I mean, it was in a bar yeah and everybody who was there was not there for that but, everybody who was from very happy because chris did not look at it like a punishment, he embraced it. He was a punishment because I had to do a bunch of work.
Speaker 1:I had to like fucking dedicate time to fucking writing jokes, then reading the jokes, then polishing the joke, then trying to read it again and then trying to orchestrate them into an actual some type of a resemblance of a set that had some continuity. I think there were most of the times I was like all right, next on to the next one and then just tell the next stupid story joke, and it was a lot of work to do it, for sure I had to order note cards.
Speaker 2:J J eight 100 bags of dicks oh my god, it was it was brutal to the point where his mom was mocking him so bad at the table next to my wife that my wife ran up to me and said you have to get him off the stage right now I think I think I retired up there.
Speaker 3:I think I I told you I was done, but no, it was. Um, basically what I did was I wrote a whole fucking thing out exactly to the detail of what I wanted to do, and when I got up there with the fucking ipad, obviously was was one of my mistakes. It didn't go that way because I could not get it out where it was. You know just yourself. It was too robotic. And then I just at a point where I was just like, oh my God, this is. I just felt dumb up there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you sent us some previews of your set and it was actually kind of funny. You could tell you were in a closet, talking to yourself and recording it, and it was pretty funny. And then, when it came time, to perform. You were not ready to perform.
Speaker 3:No, that's fine, I understood. I wasn't ready.
Speaker 2:I'm not a comedian, I didn't. So, even though it was a punishment and I was hoping, you know I I was hoping that it would go relatively good. And after chris was done I was like this is going fucking great. And then after jay, I was like I don't fucking know about this, I might have to sell my place here.
Speaker 2:And then the uh, the real comedian, uh, also did a really good job, especially wrangling the unruly crowd together yeah, she was yelling at him she was yelling like are you fucking listening to me, or what kind of shit but I, I don't think, I don't think, I thought for sure one of you guys would back out and not go through with it.
Speaker 1:How could you do that.
Speaker 2:I didn't know for what reason, but I was like one of these two guys is not going to go up.
Speaker 1:How could you not?
Speaker 2:I lost a bet effectively, I know, but Jay's lost bets and he didn't eat pig heads.
Speaker 1:I never fell through making you eat pig head.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was waiting all the time and then again I won the last one. You guys never did my punishment. What was your punishment? I didn't come up with anything because it didn't matter. It was all over with.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think the workout Zumba class on video wearing ridiculous clothing was way worse.
Speaker 2:That was the first one that might have been Jay's most diabolical thing he's ever done.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, you did that it was me and Tony.
Speaker 3:What do you think I did? Who else would have done it?
Speaker 1:You even had that girl. Come with the big booty.
Speaker 3:Yeah, she made you guys dance great.
Speaker 1:She's a great instructor.
Speaker 3:She's soccer dancing both of you.
Speaker 1:No, I was great. I was really good Instructed dance. I can do that.
Speaker 2:Actually, after that, Chris went on to teach Zumba at the local church. Yeah, but I often think about that because, because, as you can see behind me, the the jacket remains, it will, it will be getting framed in, uh one of them airtight time capsule it's a good idea.
Speaker 2:You don't want the moths getting at it yeah, but but the pants are actually at my house actually, uh, they get kept in. They were in my truck and when I emptied out my truck, when I, when I got a different truck, um, those pants are in my garage now and uh. So I think about every time I see those pants sitting in my garage, I just fucking chuckled at myself. It was such a great night.
Speaker 3:Those pants actually fit, though that's the only thing that fit me that you bought for me.
Speaker 2:I mean it was fucking one of the best nights of my life.
Speaker 3:It was fun, and I mean to have all those people actually come out was fucking insane and that made everyone more fucking nervous, obviously and the bar manager was like this was like the highest selling night at this bar ever.
Speaker 2:So for the last two years he's been trying to figure out how to make a comedy night at the bar. Has he tried it? He keeps like. Every spring he starts texting me like do you think we could do?
Speaker 1:this again.
Speaker 2:I'll do it again and I'm like absolutely dude, I'll help you facilitate this. Like he's gonna have to pay you this time though I would do it for free. I'd line them up, all the acts. I mean, obviously I'm not paying for the stuff, but I'd do it for free because it was such a great time. But, man, we did a huge dinner beforehand. The shrimp oil. Chris almost lost his eyebrows, definitely lost his arm hair. With what when you opened the grill with the?
Speaker 1:fucking grease fire. That was the ribs. Yeah, the smoker got started on fire because I forget, because.
Speaker 3:Tony had to go home. The thermometer got left out or something. I had to run home for a second. He had to go home to go take a shower and poop.
Speaker 1:And you left the thermometer out so that the no, the ribs started, the grease went down into the fire pot and started a massive grease fire.
Speaker 2:I don't know if it was that. That was the first't know. If it was, that was that was.
Speaker 1:The thermometer was not in the grill, so the grill feeder thought I need more heat and kept kicking heat in no, which then backed everything up.
Speaker 2:That was that was when I first got that grill and that was the first grease fire that ever happened in it. But, but it was not the last, really. Yeah, that thing went up like three more times and then I got rid of it Wasted, wasted all that meat. No, actually I took all the internal components out of it and I use it as a charcoal grill. Now, fair enough Works good.
Speaker 1:World's most expensive charcoal grill.
Speaker 2:That was a really, really, really, really fun night.
Speaker 3:I agree why do you call that diabolical though?
Speaker 1:a lot of planning to make us idiot look like, but we all agreed to it like diabolical there wasn't.
Speaker 2:There wasn't an agreement to it no that's what you had to do.
Speaker 3:No, we all knew that a punishment was coming. That's what I'm saying. Diabolical part would be something that you do without someone knowing, like out of the blue, basically in the middle of the middle of a huge crowd, pull their pants down or and you show their dick in front of six thousand. You know just weird shit like that's. So what would be the word for it? I would say, um improvising your friendship.
Speaker 3:I don't know that makes way less sense than diabolical I don't know, I don't know what to put it, but it was, uh, something that we all agreed to before we got into the show, because we knew something was going to happen. Hey, guess what?
Speaker 2:you know this thing. You know on our youtube. Yes, it is. You know, the craziest part of that whole night is that, for people people at home that may not know jay personally um, for many years jay was the lead singer of a very successful band called Fifth Effect, and I mean they were playing mid-level arenas. Look at all these people, dude. Oh my God, I did not know that Jay would have any level of stage fright. You think I had stage fright you?
Speaker 1:definitely did. I went from let's see. I'm scrolling through this video. I am on camera at the six minute mark, all the way up until. Yeah, you're fucking forever 25 minutes 25 and a half so that's over 20 minutes, about 20 minutes you're supposed to be 15.
Speaker 3:Jay is on this from 26 27 until I was there for three minutes, I think uh, he kept it.
Speaker 1:It looks like you're still there. No, you mean you made it to 34. So you went almost eight minutes, so I went over half, but you didn't record the last woman or we didn't put it on YouTube. No, no, no, she didn't want herself recorded or something.
Speaker 2:Six minutes of it was fumbling through his iPad. Kevin's still got it.
Speaker 1:Oh, you got professional videographer too. I did get a videographer. This guy has done videos for many, many, many big bands, many big venues Like Fifth Effect. Yeah, his Instrumental Motion, it's the guy who did our video.
Speaker 3:No, the comedian did not want herself recorded, only 179 people have seen this on. Youtube.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, we're not popular, so I'm going to tell everybody. Now go to YouTube three dimes reviews, the number three dimes reviews and look at the embarrassing punishment recorded live stand-up comedy 12 likes.
Speaker 3:I mean, it's better than none oh man, I would like to have a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a. What was I going to say, I?
Speaker 1:don't know, but I got to watch that someday again.
Speaker 2:I forgot.
Speaker 1:Oh, the woman didn't want her shit recorded because she was like this is trash.
Speaker 3:No, because this is my shit.
Speaker 1:She was using it like practice.
Speaker 3:Yeah, she's got her own podcast and shit.
Speaker 2:I listened to it, that's fine, I had to pay her a quarter of $1,000.
Speaker 1:Quarter thou, I like how you just made this sound so expensive, and she got free food out of it too, yeah, which she didn't want to eat. Why, I don't know, because it was white trashy like. It was all white trashy like no, she didn't eat.
Speaker 3:She's like I don't want this shit when it's on top of a picnic table.
Speaker 1:Oh, she didn't like the guy she brought, fucked that food up. She didn't like the shrimp oil. She got food at the bar. Yeah, that's right, she didn't want your shrimp oil. But that other dude that she was with, yeah, he fucked that shit up. Yeah, he's like this is fucking awesome.
Speaker 3:Actually, you know, when you were on stage I was making that girl behind the curtain Laugh at you. Yeah, laugh at me pretty much, but kind of with me sometimes.
Speaker 1:That's what you should have did as your bit. Because, all I was doing.
Speaker 3:Basically it was Slamming white claws. She's like this is going to be good. Talking about how sweaty I was in that fucking, I kept that leather jacket on because I didn't know how long you were going to be, so that shit was on for 25 minutes. I.
Speaker 1:Because I didn't know how long you were going to be, so that shit was on for 25 minutes I had that leather jacket on for 25 minutes with the pleather pants because I was ready to go out In an overcapacity bar serving food after a Bucks game or Brewers game, or whatever it was, there was a fan in the back.
Speaker 3:I don't know if you saw it, but I was dry humping that fan to cool down and she was dying laughing at what I was. Yeah, you should, if you ever do this again. Jay, you should use that, make fun of yourself Well here's the thing is I went to the extreme of preparing a whole thing which I shouldn't have done. I should have just went up there and just acted myself. Oh hell.
Speaker 1:No, you definitely got to make it pretend. They got to think you're just being yourself. But you're really. You fucking planned it out no, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:No, I planned it out and it didn't. I could not make it work as planned. I should have went up there and just kind of improvised.
Speaker 1:You were trying to steal all kevin hart's bits. I had not won.
Speaker 3:Kevin.
Speaker 2:Hart's bits Gun compartment.
Speaker 3:Gun compartment I should have. I should have just went with it and just fucking worked the crowd and asked questions with the crowd and just did nothing but that. Fucking. What's his name? That comedian, that crowd work comedian that you see on?
Speaker 2:Ian Begg.
Speaker 3:No, the white dude that all girls love, oh, matt Reif, matt Reif, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he just picks someone out in the crowd and makes fun of them.
Speaker 2:He's really good at it, though. Look at you in the front row with the fake tits, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know if that was diabolical, bro. That was pretty good, though. Diabolical would have been like if you told us we were going in to do a like a song or something, but then it was actually that we had to do comedy and we didn't know so kind of like um impractical jokers like you were gonna have us video be video recorded eating chicken wings or something. So we came in all drunk and popped up to try to break a world record of chicken wings shuffle, but in reality reality.
Speaker 1:You're like uh, but actually we're doing this comedy show. There's going to be about 65 to 70 people out there and they're all going to expect you to make them laugh there was 275 people there it was insane dude so many people too much.
Speaker 3:There's people, okay, so tony had this curtain up and people on the like the side, right, I don't know, it's hard to explain yeah, so right of it, could not see anything a big rectangle.
Speaker 1:But then off of the side there's like, uh, the bathrooms it's like we couldn't be pushed all the way to the back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you would call it a hallway, but it's really like 15 feet wide or more. Yeah.
Speaker 3:But it was. There was a lot of area for people to go?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it makes. It makes this place kind of L shaped and you couldn't, we couldn't put you back by the bathrooms because it would have just fucking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there was fucking people shooting darts behind stage and using the bathroom and shit Like it was not ideal.
Speaker 2:I was throwing darts with them waiting for you to finish and see, you know, the fucked up thing is when, when I went to um and we call it a campground, but it's really a resort the resort actually has a concert venue with lights already.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we could, we could have done it there, but no one would have gone there, because they wanted the bar and food.
Speaker 2:There is a bar in the outside venue.
Speaker 1:It wasn't open.
Speaker 2:They open it up whenever there's something out there. It doesn't matter what it is. Should have done it there. But I asked for that and he said that we're going to put you in a bar because we don't know if anybody's even going to show up for this.
Speaker 3:Did you tell him how stupid he was for that decision?
Speaker 2:Well, that's when he reached out to me, that's where he wants to do it and I'm like, yeah, of course, there's fucking thousands of people here and it's either go see a free stand-up show or sit at this campfirefire, which you can sit at the campfire every other after and after and before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, dude, I would do that again. That was tons of fun. I would totally do it again, but I would uh, you would probably actually hire real comedians and then I would actually feel stupid. So that would be. The funny part is that you bill me as one of the real comedians. That would be diabolical. Oh, I'd headline you that would be diabolical all the you gotta go up and do nine. You tell me at the last minute it's a. It's a 12 year old girl's birthday party you gotta go up blindfolded.
Speaker 3:You can't see your audience.
Speaker 1:Oh shit, you know, maybe this is still like the rock star dreamer in me as I quote quotations. I would love to do stand up comedy. Like it would just take so much time though me as I quote quotations. I would love to do stand-up comedy. Like it would just take so much time though it'd be so time consuming to do it right to get an actual like 8 to 10 minutes of good shit that's things you have to really want to do it, though, not use cards and you gotta really want to do it.
Speaker 1:You'd have to, like, start on the wednesday night fucking open mic, set rounds and fucking talking to three people inside of a bar. You'd have to do it for years, chris, and then eventually, yeah, you would hope to get somewhere. But even if you got somewhere like what would be getting somewhere as a comedian at at 40 or I guess your age don't really matter, but you gotta be on netflix special like how do you make money like you?
Speaker 2:do a. Rodney dangerfield didn't, didn't start comedy until he was in his 60s cool, so there's still a chance.
Speaker 1:So there's still a chance. But like what he was in movies and shit before that, sure he was no, he wasn't interesting. Well, how like? So you'd you'd get like the free open mic sets you'd start at like open mics, right, and then you'd you'd like to graduate to maybe like opening for a guy for like a 20 seated room at a corner comedy club somewhere. Comedy club.
Speaker 2:So. So, like the improv in milwaukee, for instance, they do open mics twice a week. I'm assuming they take.
Speaker 1:You probably realize like 10 minutes or 10 days into it that you're fucking suck compared to these people who've been doing this for years and then the real luck out there.
Speaker 2:The real acts come on fridays and saturdays and some of them travel with their own openers and middles, but they always take somebody from the club to host. And that's how those guys get on. They start if they're funny and they're opening up for somebody. That person then takes them on the road with them and hopefully they have, you know, a strong 15 minutes, and then their 15 minutes turns into okay, well, now I'm going to headline and there's some traction behind you, like oh, I seen this guy open up for whatever Tom Segura or whatever. Now he's out on his own, let's go check him out and blah, blah, blah. But uh, and when you become like a low-level headliner, I don't, I don't think you still actually make enough to like quit your job. Like I think out of the tens of thousands of comedians there are, there's probably only 1500 that that do it for an entire living.
Speaker 2:I'll say less than that just show up, dude.
Speaker 1:I think that's the key, that's the first step.
Speaker 2:Just Just show them the fuck up. Have you guys ever heard of a show called Kill Tony?
Speaker 1:We should make that show, tony.
Speaker 3:Hinchcliffe.
Speaker 2:We should make that show because I want to kill you, tony Hinchcliffe.
Speaker 3:He's a comedian.
Speaker 2:So he started this thing where he would take these open micers and they all put their names in a hat and for the show. Know, the audience is like filled with aspiring comedians and he would pull a name out of the hat and he has him and a couple of his friends up there like judges or whatever, and uh, he pulls your name, you come up, you do one minute of comedy holy shit, that's tough. And then they talk to you and and uh, then there's like conversational humor. Some of the guys like talk shit to the comedian and then a comedian talks shit back and it's like this big fun thing. But he's get, he's uh through. That show has made a lot of comedians like I don't want to say household names, but sure they're like traveling now and uh, he's traveling, kill tony pod. Like they're coming to milwaukee. We could go put our names in the bucket and go have the possibility at two in a minute like I said I, I don't feel like I've been in any way ready one.
Speaker 2:This is three years ago one minute of what I guess. Whatever, I'll stand up there and just look at people weird for one minute yeah, you'll do about as good as you did on the comedy night 40 seconds and they're like all right, dude it's enough but uh I guess I would probably do my my infinity wiping poop story because poop works right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, people like poop, people like poop, poop jokes especially when you wipe it on someone's dead body.
Speaker 3:I don't know about that. This is the part where, tony, you guys don't remember my comedy thing?
Speaker 1:no, we don't remember any that. I don't know about that. You guys don't remember my comedy thing? No, we don't remember any of it.
Speaker 2:I played it All right. Well, anyway, that's our show.
Speaker 1:Shut up. I think we can cut it off here.
Speaker 3:Squeeze it off, Jay play the music.
Speaker 2:Am I supposed to be playing the music? Don't you want the music at the end? God damn it, three more devils in, and fucking guy.
Speaker 3:I swear dude Just kidding. No, is it playing? No what.
Speaker 2:It's playing a little bit. Check us out on whatever the fuck we're on Twitter, facebook, instagram, email us. Send Facebook, instagram, email us. Send us a fax. Tell me the story about the time you made your friends do stand-up. Whatever man, just reach out in some way If you got a product you want us to whore out on our show.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're ready to whore out some products.
Speaker 2:I'm your guy today's. Today's episode is actually brought to you by tony's total donations uh mobile sperm bank.
Speaker 1:If you can come, we'll come to you all right peace out people.
Speaker 2:All right, Peace out people.
