Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Exploring Romance Novels and Movie Date Surprises
This episode delves into the fascination with romance novels and how they influence real-life perceptions of love and relationships. The hosts share personal anecdotes and explore the allure of fictional desires, highlighting the impact of reading on modern intimacy.
• Personal reading habits leading to a deeper discussion
• Observations about significant others’ book choices
• The addictive nature of romance novels
• Unattainable expectations created by these narratives
• The preference for reading over watching porn
• How modern romance reflects cultural attitudes towards relationships
• Conclusion on the implications for personal relationships
Top Shelf Stories with J Chris and gentlemen, White Hit me again.
Speaker 3:Black.
Speaker 1:You are now tuned in to the echoing, impressive sounds of top shelf stories.
Speaker 2:So you know, I've never been the reading type we noticed. What is that?
Speaker 1:Hold on the reading type.
Speaker 2:Basically, I can't just sit there for an hour or two and read something and retain that knowledge or again feel like I've I've earned something from it. I don't know, basically when I read something, I have to read it again to understand it because my mind drifts. Basically, when you're reading something, do you think about other things when you're reading it, if it's something that you do not really really want to to read, but you're reading it because you have to for some reason?
Speaker 2:uh for you guys, if I'm unmotivated to read something I will not remember, I might as well not even read it no, but you're reading it, you're done with it and you're like what the hell did I just read and now I have to read it again. Do you ever have that happen, sure?
Speaker 2:all the time, all right. Well, basically the only thing, the only reason I bring up bring up reading now is because my wife has been obsessed with reading. She has been reading, day reading, reading. When she wakes up reading while she's eating dinner. Are we talking actual books or is?
Speaker 3:she on like a kid. Is it just the Bible?
Speaker 2:She's trying to withdraw all of her sins. No, she's into the and I think every woman at her age, at this age, is into that dramatized sexuality that women desire.
Speaker 1:Last episode you say she's horny all the time. Now you're telling me she's reading the sex books. Dude, okay, so I was like what's in your guys's?
Speaker 2:diet. I was like, I picked up her Kindle. I did buy her Kindle a couple of years ago, which was probably a mistake, because once you get into a Kindle, I did buy her Kindle a couple years ago, which was probably a mistake, because once you get into, a Kindle.
Speaker 1:Now she's reading all the time.
Speaker 2:Once you get into a Kindle, you're Kindle-ized I call it. So I picked it up and I'm like what the fuck is she reading? Why is she so intensely reading about this? Why is this so addictive for her? I feel like this is addiction. Fucking. Read one paragraph of this shit. When I started reading it it was like this sweaty giant schlong of a penis was in the woman's face with greasy.
Speaker 3:Alright, I'm hard now Great.
Speaker 2:Great. I'm on a couch with my boy, jay. Now great woman grabs that shaft, inserts it into her vagina and she ultimately moans with the moan that's never been heard before it's just I can tell, by the way you're explaining this, that you did not retain any of it. Oh, no, not at all. No, there was definitely a lot better than that.
Speaker 1:I mean, I mean, I might have given you a long dick.
Speaker 2:This sweaty, vibrating, pulsating fucking pole was in her face slapping it and she was so excited she was in. No, but seriously, it was really like, really weird, like that she's reading romance novels at a healthy clip.
Speaker 1:A lot of different ones, you're telling me.
Speaker 2:Well, I only read that one paragraph because I was like kind of like what the fuck? But is this the subject?
Speaker 1:matter of all the books.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure Educational. I don't ask her what she's reading Okay okay, she'll read a book in two days Interesting. So it's like you got, say we got one month going on of books, she's got five books.
Speaker 1:She bought them or rented them.
Speaker 2:So you get into this Kindle program where you get a free month. You know free amount of, you know free books unlimited.
Speaker 1:Oh so you get free books, like tony's free cable, once you buy the actual box for books, it's the black kindle I got her the black sounds terrible.
Speaker 3:Why doesn't she just start watching?
Speaker 1:porn, don't? You guys live across the street from the library?
Speaker 3:literally across street. She's in the library like do you have?
Speaker 1:anything on dicks. That's where the books are For free Dicks. They're free books.
Speaker 2:I want pictures.
Speaker 3:Man, I don't fuck with these words, it's so old school to read a paper book, though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I feel like it, yeah, whatever. So, and then in my mind I think that women are putting basically, we have to come up to that. I can't even think of the fucking word. I'm trying to say that these books are creating. We have to be more romantic in our lives to keep up with the book that she's reading.
Speaker 3:So the book?
Speaker 1:That's not even fucking real?
Speaker 3:That's not true reading.
Speaker 1:So the book is creating an unattainable impression of what a man should be. As far as romance, yes. Is it any similar to the porn movies where they're like hi, oops, my boobs fell out of my shirt and I accidentally stuck your dick in my butt, dude, okay. Like obviously that shit's romanticized. That's what the most guys like and the girls to do tend to like reading it for some reason, like over watching porn. I bet you, if you like, yeah why is that?
Speaker 1:if you pulled a hundred women, men are more visual I'll bet you that some of them would say they don't interact with with pornography in any way. Some would say that they watch visual pornography and a majority of the remainder there are like I don't know a good high percentage would say that they read pornography. You know, like exotic magazines or books, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because they're striving for something that's unattainable.
Speaker 1:Like a throbbing shaft dick. You call this His big schlong cock.
Speaker 3:It was a shiny fucking sun His glistening glaze-dipped schlong dick Filled with custard Lays dipped Shlong but filled with custard.
Speaker 1:Could you imagine you as like a 12-year-old kid and your mom's? You come home from school one day and your mom's like what is this, chris?
Speaker 3:And it's all text.
Speaker 1:It's an erotic red magazine Like what the fuck.
Speaker 2:Mom, what's a custard gun. Did you just make that up now? Yeah, that is awesome. That is the name of this fucking episode.
Speaker 3:Custard gun, I mean.
Speaker 2:Wait a second. What Vanilla or chocolate?
Speaker 3:Me and my brother have been calling our dicks custard guns for as long as I can remember.
Speaker 1:No, you remember that guy that I work with, that I brought the books he found in his basement attic thing.
Speaker 3:I got it in my car. I've been trying to give that thing away for almost two years. My husband's mistress Is that what your sister's called I gave them all back to him. I leave it laying around from time to time when I'm going to be in social situations with somebody at my house, so I can blame it on my wife, I really, I do actually want to hear what your, jay, what your, what your opinion or thought of the reason why women tend to read it.
Speaker 2:I think they would like to drown themselves in a non-realistic reality that they cannot get from their own husbands.
Speaker 1:So basically, so do you feel intimidated? No, from a book.
Speaker 2:Well, I just Okay, fine, maybe you know what. Listen, you know how they complain about. You are on your phone playing a video game, looking at crypto, doing this and that, not paying attention to them. Sure, and you don't really understand why they're so mad.
Speaker 1:I mean, I know this exists, I'm playing along, okay play along, just play along, motherfucker, all the time and then now they're like what a bitch.
Speaker 2:They're more attracted. They're more attracted to their book than they are to you. And then it's like wait, wait, wait. You ask her a question or try to actually even talk to her and she's like wait, I got a paragraph to go I should be right.
Speaker 3:I was just gonna ask you that I'm not supposed to say this like ever, but this is the gayest shit you've ever said I was gonna ask you if you've've ever started making out with her Like on the couch.
Speaker 1:the kids go to bed and everything. All the deities do.
Speaker 3:I just imagine her at home reading her smut books, jay on the couch next to her because he doesn't want to get yelled at for being on his phone, so he's crocheting. Let's see her say something, now that I'm making fucking tangible items.
Speaker 2:That's it, man. I ain't crocheting you mittens anymore, bitch yeah, no, but seriously, though, like I, I feel like I understand why they're mad at us for being on our phones, when I kind of get a little upset about being her so indelved and so deep in stop touching my hand, motherfucking sexually when I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:It just goes with the subject matter you are kind of projecting your individual experience as our experience right now, and I kind of just want to pause and make everyone's clear that this is not my experience. My wife doesn't even pay attention to me at all. How would she know I'm on my phone?
Speaker 3:she's like oh shit, you're home. When'd you get back like three?
Speaker 2:days ago. She's like chris, I thought you were still at that concert that was for you, guys, that was for you so.
Speaker 3:So all right, given the option as it, as it sits right now, because your wife's options right now, I get turned on by a book read a book where she can visually imagine a character.
Speaker 1:So so like porn, yeah she allowed to get mad at you if she catches you. Your browsing history looking a little sus, or no?
Speaker 2:quick before you say that though she was mad about because she read the Grey movies. What is those fucking Fifty Shades? Fifty Shades of Grey? Thank you very much, Chris. She was mad that they casted an ugly guy for Not what she thought it was going to be. Yeah, not what she thought it should be for the movies.
Speaker 3:But, the movies.
Speaker 2:You think she was just like they should have got you in there, jay, no but we couldn't have the cameras that kind of looks like me. That's the weird thing.
Speaker 3:So she's like this guy's hideous.
Speaker 2:Oh, he looks like you, but tall yeah actually, yeah, he can fucking change the light bulb with all ladder, ladder.
Speaker 3:So I'm going to start by saying I'm kind of out of the loop on porn. It's literally been like years since I watched porn.
Speaker 2:Liar.
Speaker 1:It's pretty aggressive stuff bro.
Speaker 3:No for real.
Speaker 2:It's pretty aggressive. Nowadays you can't get any really good.
Speaker 1:Give Tony his noise, noise, noise. You can't get really good porn anymore anymore.
Speaker 3:It's all in your face, fucking shit like like the last time me and the wife tried watching some porn together, it's like, oh, let's, let's watch this one. This one looks good, she's hot, he's hot it's gonna be good, girl gets stuck in laundry machine and it's like immediately, it's like okay, so he just jammed his dick down her throat until she puked. That was really I. What hot. I think they like that shit, tony.
Speaker 2:And then and then, but not from you not from the husband.
Speaker 3:You know he went ass to vagina. That's a fucking infection waiting to happen, like it's just. It's just, it's really like aggressive. So I understand women starting to be like turned off by porn and going to reading, but do you think if, like the Cinemax, softcore, romantic? Porn still existed. Do you think your wife would waste her time reading Like if she could watch an?
Speaker 1:actual movie with encounters.
Speaker 2:I think they want to have their own interpretation. You think they want to imagine the characters.
Speaker 3:Yes, I think they want to have their own interpretation. That was my biggest problem with porn is that I'm so specific on the person I want to watch.
Speaker 1:She's not it, she's not it, she's not it. I never find it.
Speaker 3:Wait, wait, wait. So it's just me watching the first 10 seconds of 3,000 mortals.
Speaker 1:Her boobs don't look enough like torpedoes falling out of the sky.
Speaker 2:Her boobs are not in her belt, they ain't long enough. Hey, have you ever jerked off to a porn book of a black guy having sex with a girl? No, why is that you racist? Yeah?
Speaker 3:Yeah, their dicks are far too large, very intimidating. It's unrealistic. I think that's a generalist thing, just another thing I don't even know if their dicks are that big or if this is like a Hollywood thing where they got to put like an extra dick over their dick to make it that big, but if those, if, if, the black dicks that I've seen in my life are a real holy fuck I don't know, dude, I think it's uh misconception and I think that, uh, you're overlooking the boundaries of your own personality.
Speaker 2:I just made all that shit up, tony. But seriously, though, would you rather watch a porno where someone like you don't see the guy at all, you just see the girl and you're in like the first person aspect of the porno? Nope, so you want to see the guy pounding?
Speaker 3:I gotta see the pounding, but you can still see the pounding in the first person Back in the day, remember there were these things, dvds, and you would go to a store and buy a porno. My wife and I went to the porno store and we bought a DVD Recently no 20 years ago, easily, I wonder what them stores look like god they even sell movies anymore you can get the shit for free.
Speaker 2:I mean they'll sell like toys and shit, but so I I bought this.
Speaker 3:I bought this movie. You know it was always like here buy 10 of them for three dollars. So I came home with all these movies. There's one, one, that I approved of See. The problem is you can't preview before you buy them, Sure, and uh, just go by the name of the, the, the, the. So I got one. I got one that was amazing. It was the only porno I watched for years.
Speaker 1:I don't want to know.
Speaker 3:And I do, what is it? And one day me and some dudes at work were talking about pornos and I said I said I got one and it's my fucking favorite one I've ever had. And my buddy was like can you, can you let me borrow that? And he never fucking gave it back.
Speaker 2:What's it called?
Speaker 3:this is like this is like 18 years ago and I still run into the dude and I still ask him if he has my copy of mexican humping beans by far the best thing ever put on a dvd. I look for it at flea markets. I know one day I'm gonna run into a copy of it you can find it on the internet.
Speaker 2:Go on your black box and search your black, your black movie box yeah, but that's not as fun as finding it in the wild so there's another thing, too is like she'll read books before there's a movie that comes out for a book, for example, the movie it ends with us with Blake Lively, the wife of Ryan Reynolds, deadpool. She had a what.
Speaker 1:I thought we were just naming off Ryan Reynolds flicks.
Speaker 2:Okay, this movie was a book. She read the book first. It ends with us. It's called and Blake Lively is the main character in it. Is he hot? Blake Lively is a main character in it, is he hot? Blake Lively is a fucking girl. Oh, it's the wife of Ryan Reynolds. You don't listen to me, motherfucker.
Speaker 1:I said it twice now, jay, you are our Hollywood correspondent. How would we know you tell? Us the news.
Speaker 2:She had a date with another girl to go see because I was like I don't want to see this shit. It's a fucking girl movie.
Speaker 3:They probably scissored right in the theater.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that didn't happen because I had to go to the movie Because her fucking friend was sick or something she's like. Well, she already bought the tickets and she has no one else to go with. It's either me or one of my sons, and she called.
Speaker 1:She called the movie theater. They had a booster seat available, so you got to go.
Speaker 2:So I had to go through this movie and it was basically in my eyes. It was a guy. She just this Blake Lively just met a guy on top of a rooftop and she gets involved with him and he basically beats the shit out of her and she just is like it's like, why do you like this shit?
Speaker 3:oh, if it wasn't for the butter beat off, you probably would have had a terrible time oh, my stomach hurts.
Speaker 2:I gotta go to the bathroom. Can you guys continue this podcast without me for like five minutes? It's your podcast. Yeah, just continue it. I had
