Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Exploring Sexual Boundaries and the Chaos of Five Wives
This episode presents a candid and humorous exploration of relationships, intimacy, and the quirks that arise in everyday situations. Through laughter and refreshing insights, we dissect what truly defines sex, the cultural dynamics in relationships, and the significance of comfort in our lives.
• Exploring what counts as sex through laughter and banter
• Delving into the implications of Catholic definitions of intimacy
• Discussing the absurdity of multiple relationships
• Addressing personal comfort and the concept of being naked
• Merging humor with deeper reflections on connection and intimacy
So we got a couch in the podcast room, which I declare would be way more comfortable and more relaxing for a conversation.
Speaker 2:You know fun fact, I've only fucked on this couch like three times.
Speaker 1:Let me guess. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it only in the middle where the leather is all fucked up?
Speaker 3:But but sex.
Speaker 2:I have received head on this couch many times.
Speaker 1:That's still sex. Nah, considered sex? Nope, not. According to my lawyer, in Catholic Church they consider any type of sexual conduct that touches your private parts is sex.
Speaker 3:That's a compelling argument. Yeah, the Catholic Church argument can't argue with the catholic church coming from.
Speaker 1:You're telling me I'm being raped by my shower every day, when that water's just beating against my dick, when a physical being touches your private part, not water, so nothing that's not living, even if an animal touched your wiener yes, you just had sex.
Speaker 2:So you're saying if, if my dick accidentally brushed against a house plant?
Speaker 1:that's okay. We got stipulations that we're going on here.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, a plant can't move a mosquito something mosquito bites me, something in the head of my dick.
Speaker 1:Something needs to move, physically move or retract?
Speaker 2:Are you telling me that that mosquito raped me?
Speaker 1:I think a mosquito took advantage of what it had the ability to understand what it did not know. What it was biting was your dick. And why were you naked? Because it didn't fucking go down into your pants.
Speaker 2:The question is when ain't I naked? Naked every chance I can get. It came up your pant leg. You know, I figured well. I still got the body for it.
Speaker 3:Why didn't you find yourself a naked up north then? Yeah, why didn't you?
Speaker 2:I'm sure they have them Campers. Well, I don't want to be naked with my children. It's fucking weird, I guess that well, you know it's. It's about timing as soon as they get out of the fucking house. So that's where I'm heading it's about timing, tony.
Speaker 1:It's about what time are you naked?
Speaker 2:at 10 o'clock, kids are in bed right whenever, whenever I'm trying to get laid, which is almost my entire life it's really the only reason to do much of anything anymore.
Speaker 3:For real, it's been something that's missing in society. I'll tell you what. Once the men start trying to actually have sex with the women again, that's when america will be back.
Speaker 2:That's when everything will be back you know, I watched a video earlier today and I'm thinking about moving to egypt interesting I didn't get the joke.
Speaker 1:Tony sent this video to me about women and the best women to have or be married to in different countries. Egypt was the one where you had five women that you can marry One is for sex, one is for cleaning, one is for cooking.
Speaker 3:One is for beating.
Speaker 1:He sent me this video. I just watched it. You were there when I watched it, I turned the volume up it was on the internet.
Speaker 2:Five wives sounds terrible. That's a lot of work, man Dude, do you know? I have my hands full. I have my hands full disappointing one woman.
Speaker 3:Jay would have to carry around five phones, so five separate women could track him on it.
Speaker 2:Dude I wouldn't even be able to give my all in the disappointing five women at once like they would all get one fifth of disappointment from me.
Speaker 3:You'd have to get one of those things like where you know how they have, those things where you can put it over your shoulder and it's two dancing men next to you. You need to have two other dicks on each side of you. Is that able to translate over?
Speaker 2:audio. No, I get it. I think they closed their eyes and they were there.
Speaker 1:No, no, it was on one of those America's Got Talent where a guy's dancing and he has things attached to him and everyone's following his dance moves. So basically he's pelvic thrusting into a woman.
Speaker 3:I guarantee you, if there was anyone out there that didn't get it when I said it, they did.
Speaker 1:when you referenced America's Got Talent All right, sorry, you should just open with that. Chris Open with America's Got Talent. All right, sorry, you should just open with that. Chris Open with America's Got Talent. Everyone watches that show. I don't watch it anymore, I'm just annoyed by it now. I never watch that show. Well, you're missing out. The regurgitator is amazing. He swallows anything and takes it back out of his stomach.
Speaker 2:I know a girl who did that back in high school.
Speaker 1:I knew that was coming.
Speaker 2:Fuck, we didn't call her the regurgitator, though.
Speaker 1:What'd you?
Speaker 2:call her the gurgitator.
Speaker 1:So let's, get in this cast.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, we gonna start recording something now, yeah.
