Top Shelf Stories
In a world that often shuns the uncomfortable, we embrace it with open arms—and open laughs. Our candid narratives around our stories assure you that awkwardness is a shared human experience. Tune in, enjoy the ride, and maybe learn a thing or two.
Top Shelf Stories
Parenting in the Age of TikTok and Twitter
This episode dives into the complexities of online privacy and the paradox of anonymity in the digital age, examining how we navigate sharing personal details while protecting our identities. We discuss parenting in a world dominated by fleeting social media content, the impact of modern communication, and the funny realities of our unconventional daily routines.
• Exploring the paradox of online anonymity versus personal sharing
• Discussing the influence of social media on our lives and interactions
• Evaluating the implications of parenting in the TikTok age
• Notable reflections on our daily routines and intimate lifestyles
• Sharing a humorous story about chaos in urban life
Top Shelf Stories with J, chris and Tony. Isn't it weird how people get so private when they go on the internet. They think like they can't show their face. You ever notice that or no? Not on Facebook, eh I feel like that's a Twitter thing, I think.
Jay:I feel like people scale themselves back when they speak.
Chris:I think you In real life.
Jay:I think you scale yourself back a little bit In real life, yeah, like when we do the podcasts.
Chris:There's certain things that I don't think I let loose man, I talk about my asshole. I mean, how much more of my uh social in the world recorded forever? Tony talks about like I give the people like 98 of me, though I don't like, I don't lie or nothing I don't.
Jay:I mean no, I don't. I don't think you lie, I definitely don't think you lie, but it's just like yeah, you leave out some of the interesting things, it's not stuff about me. No interesting parts About me.
Chris:I don't think so. Maybe if it involves somebody else who's like my wife or my kid or something I'm not going to go go deep into, or something.
Jay:Oh and yeah, I wouldn't ask you to do that, but what it?
Chris:You're giving me a weird look. But people get like that on the internet, right? They don't even want to show their face, Like if you had a podcast where someone had to listen. They had to show their face while they're listening.
Jay:Oh yeah, no, People don. People don't like to be in the limelight when they're not wanting to be in it.
Chris:The internet is wild man. I don't know Watching my kid play on the internet. It's fucking wild dude.
Jay:It's pretty annoying sometimes, though, cause the kids will walk like.
Chris:I can't wait till she goes out of the phase she's in now.
Jay:What. What was that? Well, you were just going to say well, you were just going to say, well, you're a kid. Well, I assume Tony's just like this. Once you start watching a TikTok or whatever, it skips you to the next relative one and you keep going over like just nonstop, like a loop of videos that just suck you in.
Chris:My kid watches nonstop shorts. Right now it's like nonstop I think that's what every kid does.
Jay:What is that? It's like non-stop. I think that's what every kid does, Cause that's what is that? It's the worst. I'm like what in the hell it's kind of entertaining, because if you get, sick of it within a couple of seconds you. All you have to do is swipe to the right oh, it's so bad. And then you go to the next video. And then usually in short reels.
Chris:They're all less than like there's never really many of them that are long. Yeah, I mean minute, two minutes. I will watch them with my kid and she'll be watching them and it'll be like one, that's like 25 seconds and it'll be like look, I make these things and I use these ingredients and I put them all together and I put them in this thing and.
Chris:I put them in the thing and I went over here and, oh my gosh, my dog, and it'll get to the point where they're like no, let's look at the figure swipe. Look at the final product. Swipe, it's gone oh, you don't ever. Even I'm like what happened. Why don't you want to wait? Whoa what? You actually gave that 20 seconds and then you actually died on it. You didn't even even what would happen go back to that.
Jay:I want to see what she'll go.
Chris:she'll be like what? Okay, she'll go back because she isn't even paying attention. She's just staring deep, deep into the iPad. It doesn't even exist. She's not even listening to what's actually on the screen and then it starts over and you have to watch the whole thing.
Jay:Well, what my kid does now is he has my wife and I in a group text and he'll text us every video. So I get about 15 videos a day. You got to see this Of either someone making something out of candy a new toy Godzilla preferably or somebody getting yelled at in school. Which kid is it? The youngest lock eight? He's got a phone. No, he's got a tablet connected to Wi-Fi. And if you have Wi-Fi, you can actually send texts if you're connected to Wi-Fi.
Chris:I'm at the point.
Jay:I got to get my kid a phone.
Chris:It's tactically inefficient to not have one. That's the problem. I'm seeing my kid's eight going on nine, oh yeah, but I think like next soon, because she's going to be. You know, when you send your kid out in the world, you want her to have the availability of getting a hold of you, right?
Jay:I agree nowadays.
Chris:Yes, I mean back in the day there's not a pay phone on every third corner there's no pay phones.
Jay:You find a pay phone, take a picture of it and you're always like oh, you take it to.
Chris:You know she knows who to talk to to get help. There's not help on every corner either.
Jay:Sometimes you need that remember when this is before beepers? Remember when you would call up one of your friends or a girl you liked or something. Can I talk to? Blah, blah, blah. Then you have to wait for him to come, or the person that answered the phone would look throughout the entire house for about two minutes and be like, oh, he's actually not here, right. How different shit has happened where I can just hit a button and then poke Tony to call me or something like that.
Tony:My customer slept all day today, and when I was leaving I didn't want to go knock on her bedroom door like some fucking weirdo.
Jay:So go up to her bed and just leaned over her head.
Tony:Are you up?
Chris:tony, is that you, anthony?
Jay:walk in there with a piece of tile. Do you like this tile Question?
Tony:question. So I had to wake her up today by calling her from about seven feet away from her, on the other side of the wall. I mean it's privacy and she answered the phone. You could hear her, hello.
Jay:Good morning Fucking 3, 3, 30 in the afternoon.
Tony:Well, she's like a nurse or a doctor, or late. No, actually. Um, she doesn't work. I don't. I don't know that she's worked in some time at least like 20 years. Um no, she said we were talking about it because when I got there yesterday, she's like I I had to go to another job first and I got to her house at like 10 o'clock and she's like oh my god, you guys start so early 10.
Jay:Yeah, she would love me. I'll come there at like 2, 3 pm. I'm like I'm ready you home.
Tony:Good morning so she said that coffee in one hand donut. She said that since she was a kid she stays up all night and pretty much sleeps all day. And I'm like it's the dream? What's your normal bedtime? And she said that it's anywhere between four and six am. All right. So, uh, who's the?
Jay:breadwinner. She's single. How the fuck is she getting money to do remodeling her house? She got parent parents that well she was married.
Tony:I don't know if she has an inheritance, but I'm assuming she got some kind of life insurance she blackmailed someone. Her husband died like 20 years ago? I think yeah, and she does currently blackmail a few people.
Chris:Is she?
Tony:old or young? No, she's not that old. Oh, she's like 60.
Chris:Okay, she blackmails people.
Tony:You said yeah, that's just a few, select few tell us more about that, tony, yeah well, she has all these children chained up in her room right and uh, the parents got to come drop off ten thousand dollars to get their kids back, and that's something that happens all throughout the day that doesn't sound like blackmail.
Chris:That sounds more like like Like a ransom almost. Yeah, yeah like rent.
Tony:She does ransom.
Jay:Okay, is this in the suburbs? It's downtown. Okay, I heard downtown has a lot of cock fighting in the basement. Is that something she's doing? Do you hear a lot of cocks in the basement running?
Tony:around. No, my cock was the only one there today.
Jay:I tried to give you something, to make a little jokey joke, but it wasn't that good.
Tony:Okay, but yeah, I couldn't imagine being on that kind of just natural schedule.
Jay:I mean I do like to stay up late because it's quiet, it's peaceful.
Tony:But 6 am.
Jay:No, yeah, that's obviously a little ridiculous.
Tony:I imagine I would be up around 6 or 7 am the first time I ever try cocaine so if you're staying up that late all the time, then it's not weird for you though yeah, what the fuck's wrong with you 20 why you gotta talk shit about people and you don't even really know them? Oh, I know this lady very well, but this is the second time I've worked with her it's literally the opposite of the rest of the world so is
Jay:she on the internet a lot now I don't know, tony's never met her face to face only through a wall over the phone. He's only heard her voice. He has no idea what she looks like.
Tony:We talk through a wall.
Chris:That's not because I'm sure there is a lot.
Jay:Tony goes to the door, it does a little secret code of knocks Knock, knock, that means we're here and three knocks means we're done.
Chris:I imagine it causes a lot of these type of problems if you choose that late night lifestyle where everyone else is sleeping.
Jay:Well, if you still get your eight hours of sleep, does it matter.
Chris:When it is, no, not for you personally, but if you want to get pizza delivered for your lunch and it's 3.30 in the afternoon or whatever you know.
Tony:I guess I don't know For your lunch.
Chris:What's the difference? So you're telling me she goes to bed at four and wakes up at four in the afternoon.
Jay:Well, her lunch would be like midnight. That's 12 hours of sleep, though, yeah, this girl's sleeping too much. So six to like three, that's what. That's 10? 10 hours, right, yeah, no.
Chris:Because if you want them to flip the script, yeah, I guess that's about right. I haven't been sleeping eight hours in decades, a decade.
Jay:Yeah, I don't either, and I don't go to sleep before midnight, like ever.
Chris:Yeah, I don't really much.
Jay:Really I feel like you'd be a person that'd be right to bed.
Chris:Well, I mean, like I go into my bedroom at a reasonable hour, you sleep with your wife in the bed, because I know Tony doesn't. We haven't shared rooms in a while, no, you sleep somewhere else.
Jay:Where do you sleep? On a couch? No, she prefers the couch, oh so she sleeps in the living room on the couch.
Tony:She's that disgusted by you, apparently Nice, nice.
Jay:What size bed do you have? Queen size bed, so you can spread eagle.
Chris:Yeah, I got a door on my room too, dude, yeah, I got a door on my room too dude he's like got my phone hooked up to the TV where I can watch anything, but I don't. Yeah, I dick around on the internet and do other said things and shit and watch TV and whatever.
Jay:You're dicking somewhere, hey.
Chris:Yeah, hey, now and then, I don't know, I guess not midnight, like 1130. Typically I feel like I'm falling asleep, yeah, but then I'm getting up by like six, I don't know, I guess not midnight, like 1130. Typically I feel like I'm falling asleep, yeah. But then I'm getting up by like six.
Jay:I don't know how you do that, dude Fucking my well, I mean, that's six hours of sleep.
Chris:That's a reasonable amount of sleep. Okay, here's the thing You're in a grown adult Like you're, not a baby.
Jay:Babies get. Babies get 10 hours. Hey, I'll get up. Grown adults get six. Listen, I'll get up, but I'll go back to sleep. There's a difference. I'll wake up, but I won't get up. Get up, I'll know what's going on at 6 am.
Chris:Yeah, yeah I'm not terribly lazy in the morning, like I'm pretty productive in the morning, I don't know. Fine, here's what I do. It's weird me hear it. It involves are you a creature of routine?
Jay:No, no no.
Chris:Do you notice that you get dressed in a specific way? Or going to and out of the shower, specifically?
Jay:Sometimes I try to throw pants on with both legs at the same time. That doesn't bother you much.
Chris:So, I notice myself get into these routines and it doesn't bother me to change them.
Tony:Hold on a second. Jay does a hop into his pants At the same time.
Jay:Yeah, hey, I follow the bed into my pants. Get the fuck out of here.
Chris:I know what I'm doing. So, yeah, so I'll change up what I'm doing in the morning's routine, and then that'll be the excitement to get up. All right, cool, but then once you get going, literally your brain's moving Plus do no, I don't drink coffee.
Jay:See, caffeine does it too.
Chris:It's like cocaine If you're just a coffee guy not a cocaine guy.
Tony:My morning routine is so specific. His wife beats him never to get awake.
Chris:Yeah, see, that would drive me fucking nuts. It happens to me where I notice I'm like dude this is the fourth day in a row I've done the exact same shit. This is fucked. I'm getting out into the shower and I'm brushing my teeth, instead of brushing my teeth and getting in the shower. I gotta switch something. This is fucked. I'm doing the same shit every day and I'll even take it to the point of the curtain on the shower. I'll start getting it in the other way fucking savage.
Tony:You can't get in from the control side. Do it, can't do it done.
Chris:It's impossible. Did it this.
Tony:Then your hair gets wet first.
Chris:It doesn't fucking matter, tony, you didn't even wash your hair.
Tony:So my morning routine is so fucking specific. It starts with I wake up four minutes after I have to leave.
Jay:That's fucked.
Tony:From there.
Jay:I thought your wife wakes you up. She does With a BJ. Yeah, no, but seriously, I thought she has to wake you up because you have a 80 sleep paralysis thing.
Tony:Well, 80 of my sex happens in the morning yeah, but I thought you had a sleep paralysis thing, tony. That's not what makes me late. Trust me, I'm fucking in and out taking my shit within five minutes taking this, but I get out of bed immediately. Go take a shit as soon as I'm done taking a shit. You're a shitter immediately.
Jay:You're a morning shitter immediately and then how does that happen? How do you do that? Because I want, I wanted to have that ability, because I hate having to look for a bathroom or holding it in during the work hours. I don't know, man, I guess I'm just lucky okay, you can't time your balls it. No, how do you time your balls?
Tony:The second. I'm done shitting you, talk to them. I turn the shower on to warm up and then I go brush my teeth. Then I jump in the shower. I don't care, I'm already fucking bored. Then I jump in the shower, get back, I get out of the shower, I dry off in a very specific manner. That's fucking stupid. Listen top down, who cares?
Chris:You always go top down, never start bottom up. You don't have to think about it. You might sometimes dry your feet, though.
Tony:Then it's underwear, socks, shirt, pants pants.
Chris:Before that wait belt, do you drop in the shower or do you get out of the?
Tony:shower draft. Wait, what did you say?
Jay:underwear underwear, pants on. That is underwear shirt, pants, belt, shoes. Who needs the belt when you got pants that fit?
Tony:I'm disgusted with real real man I'm disgusted with your morning real men wear belts everywhere they go. They don't wear fucking girls wear belts too. They don't wear children's lounge pants out in public, dude these are.
Jay:They wear a belt.
Chris:These are prime puma premium, premium edition uh 250 slacks these this bet with this pair of jeans that I have on taking the.
Jay:Having a belt on it makes it a little less comfortable yes, all I have to do is pull two strings to get a little more I gotta wear a belt.
Tony:You never know, you never know if you gotta stop somebody from bleeding out. You gotta spank a child. That's weird. You have to have a belt. Never know men, men belt, wallet keys that.
Chris:It's never been that. But.
Jay:I do count the things that are in my pocket to make sure I did not forget something. So, yeah, that makes sense.
Tony:So then, when I'm done getting dressed.
Chris:Dude, I started falling asleep. What are you saying again? I called this beautiful hair. Yeah, you got to have air on you, go make coffee.
Jay:Take my dog out, get my truck and get, get to wherever I need to go about 15 minutes late. Tony, how does your hair just not? You wake up and your hair is like that. It does look like this in the morning. Yeah, so you don't have to. You don't touch your hair. Well, your dog is still alive oh yeah, that's good, oh yeah, I thought they don't live that long, they don't how old is it.
Tony:She's on borrowed time. How old is she? No, she's not. You didn't. You didn't borrow it you might have financed it, but you didn't borrow the time.
Chris:No, she's five okay you might have financed the time, but yeah, does it still?
Jay:I'm still on a payment plan. Yeah, I was gonna say I was gonna talk about the dog, but we'll skip that. Um, yeah, so that's basically what I do too. Yeah, I'm always rushing to get out and get to the. I'm always late, you know, I'm never on time. I'm never savvy, savvy. Um, so you aren't on time. Then is that you're saying?
Jay:yeah, I mean I'm on time, maybe like 25 you know like the craziest part about this is I worked for him for like two years and he yelled at me for being late every time and he's never on time well see, when I send my employees someplace, I expect them to be there.
Tony:When the fuck I?
Jay:told them. So what if the boss is supposed to be at some place and he's not there?
Tony:if there's some place I need to be at a specific time, I'm there, uh but it's just because you're late.
Jay:98 of the time you just said yeah, but so you contradicting your?
Tony:life right now, setting the time it, you know.
Jay:So when you tell them the time you're like anyway, between 8 and 10 am I'll be there a we energy style range. I will be there on the morning of tomorrow, my employee will be there at exactly 805, not 804, not 806 805.
Tony:You know all the all the years you worked for me. I did nothing but make you look like a hero I am a hero. I told every customer 8 30 am. Jay will be there at 8 30 am and I told jay it's very important that you get there at eight so when he got there at 10 after eight, they're like holy shit, man, this guy shows up 20 minutes early to work.
Jay:I thought you're a fucking guy loves his job.
Chris:I thought you say when jay gets there at 10 he's like what if I'm late to someplace?
Jay:it was fucking on purpose, so I don't know how you cannot not be late. How are you late to? Accidentally? What do you mean up? What the fuck are you doing? You wake up and you're like it feels good in this bed. Let's just take another little resty. I'll wake up in 10 minutes, but then 10 minutes turns into an hour.
Chris:And then you're like, fuck, I'm late. You got to realize that that's not your time.
Jay:That's Someone else's time. You promised them, true, that, and I am respectful, but not in the morning.
Tony:That's it If you're getting it at 5 pm arrival time. I'll always make that. Start your construction job at 5 pm, Working under the lights.
Jay:Customers love it when they're putting their kids to bed.
Chris:You're a wet saw going. You got a saw going in their bathroom. They love it. Yeah, dude you guys want to hear crazy, crazy story.
Chris:Someone told me yeah, it was also on the news apparently. So this girl I know she manages apartment complex downtown Milwaukee and I'll name it Cause I think it's in the story. It's the shore quest hotel, but a lot of it's permanent resident. There's this guy wearing like a like a soccer uniform or a football uniform or something, running down the street with a mask on and he was around there for like a couple days and then one of the days he brought in a gas can and spilled a bunch of it and tried to get inside but couldn't get through the atrium. So he just spilled a bunch of it, lit it on fire and ran and it fucking blew up. Bro, in this little like marble and glass, enclosed, like you know, telephone beep your fucking people in room in this 1600 unit weird building dude, or maybe not that many, but so if they need any marble restoration, tell them to hit me well, can you believe it, dude?
Chris:somebody lit off a fucking bomb basically for no reason. The cop said he's just crazy, he's going to jail and shit though, because they're reckless endangerment of like all those lives I mean, it sounds like a movie dude, your shit's broken down here. Bro tony's fucking with this thing. It's because it's not in the fucking good dude put it in there.
Jay:He's fucking idiot.
Chris:He's done he's not in. The fucking Dude.
Jay:put it in there, he's done, he's done for no, you took the fucking thing that tightens up out already you fucked it up.
Chris:You can't believe this. Nobody was hurt, though, but it caused a whole shit ton of damage All right, we started this story off on electronics. You just hit record and we just started fucking talking. That's what happened.
Jay:Should we end this episode? Let's end it. Hey guys Go ahead, chris, you're the ender. This is another.
Chris:Top Shelf Stories random we shouldn't have been recording this shit yet. Episode.
Tony:It's good. I like it Tune in next week for our discussion on qr codes.
